In football, I'll always have the 'Skins. In baseball, I've got no choice but to support the Nats. College athletics are for suckers and lame-o's. But NBA fandom is blessedly fluid. Every Thursday, I'll rank the top 5 teams I look forward to watching on League Pass, and why.
Since there aren't always great changes in my LP Power Ranking from week to week, and since I can't think of new stuff to say about the Blazers, Hawks, and Bobcats every week, I figured this week I'd make a brief departure and give my bottom 5 teams that I least look forward to watching, and why.
26. Detroit Pistons
As recently as the start of this season, these guys were definite candidates for the top 5. Rasheed is still (nominally) my favorite player in the league, although Rondo and Odom are nipping at his heels. McDyess has been a solid, if unspectacular, addition to the Black Prez; and I've been down with Rip since his Wiz-kids days. But damn, does this team play some ugly, uninspired ball. I try to watch, I really do. But 'Sheed is clearly on his last legs of usefulness before he becomes the greatest commentator of all time, and Michael Curry is just doing an atrocious job of coaching these guys. I don't think the Chauncey-for-AI trade is entirely to blame, but at the same time, I haven't been entertained by these guys since it happened.
27. New Jersey Nets
One of the many benefits of living in the NYC area is that we've got two local sports teams in every sport, and in general every local game appears in HD. The Knicks and Nets both have their own channel, meaning that I have the oppportunity to watch some high-def basketball on a nearly nightly basis. But that hasn't brought me any closer to watching any Nets games this year. Part of this is institutional: there isn't a worse name and uniform in the league than the Nets. Seriously, Nets? That's the best you can come up with? It's not even the best part of the basket: how much cooler would the Jersey Hoops be? And the color scheme: say what you will about the Wizards' ridiculous gold lame' outfits, at least they're trying to show some excitement. The predominant color in the Nets unis is boring-ass gray. Beyond these lame franchise traits, the Nets themselves are just entirely uninteresting to me. Devin Harris is a seriously legit scorer (and if you didn't see that half-court buzzer-beater, for god's sake check it out), but he's got the kind of silky-smooth, powerless game that bores me to tears. Vince Carter is having a great season, but he set the bar so high for himself early in his career that no one will ever love him again. And beyond that, I'm not sure I can even name a player besides Yi Jianlian, who would be of absolutely no interest, and maybe not even in the league, if he wasn't Chinese. I give props to Lopez, and if they ever pull of the move to Brooklyn I'll love them eternally, but until then I fucking hate the Nets.
28. Chicago Bulls
Pretty shortly after I reached the age of being able to make decisions for myself, I started hating Jordan and his inescapable dominance. By extension, I detested the Bulls (minus Pippen), and that feeling never really went away. On top of that, Chi-Town has featured a revolving door of shitty, personality-less players ever since. I thought that with the drafting of Derrick Rose, I might start to have some love for the Windy City again, but I was really disappointed with his joyless performance on All-Star weekend, proving that even the coolest of young ballers can be ruined by living in the same city as Dekker.
29. Dallas Mavericks
I'm not sure what happened here. I used to love these guys, and last year when I had Josh Howard on my fantasy squad, I watched them whenever possible. But this year I just fucking can't get psyched about them at all. I love the NBA for its players, and the stories and narratives that get built up around them, even when they are totally creations of the fans (or just me) and have no real relation to their actual selves. A few years ago, the Dirk Nowitzki story was one of my favorites, but somehow it seems like the story ended in those Finals they lost to the Heat, and yet he keeps playing. Dirk: the story's over, dude. Close the book and go to bed.
Oh, also, Jason Kidd is a fucking piece of shit.
30. Milwaukee Bucks
There is never, ever, any good reason to watch the Milwaukee Bucks. Ever.
2.27.2009
This Week in Black Prezodential History
Though it's been going strong for the past few years, and has been strengthened tenfold by my involvement in fantasy and especially the Cluj, my prior enthusiasm in the NBA has been one of fits and starts. I've also gone through different stages of awareness/interest: whereas nowadays my fantasy team and League Pass access make league-wide fandom possible, I started (like so many of us) as a mere superstar follower (Jordan/'Nique/Ewing in my youth). In high school, the DeYoung and Associates' quarter-season ticket package and Home Team Sports made me a Bullets fan. In college, I was an NBA playoffs guy: not only was it the era of some exciting post-season teams (the Webber-Vlade-White Chocolate Kings, the Shaq-Kobe Lakers, my beloved Pippen-Sabonis-Grant Blazers), but also the playoffs always coincided with final exams, giving me the perfect excuse to stop studying. Had I been blogging a Playoff Power Rankings back in those days, one of the most random appearances would have been the 2000-2001 Toronto Raptors. I certainly have no Toronto connection, and even then I recognized that adopting the Raptor as a mascot, seemingly due only to the popularity of Jurassic Park, was a totally ridiculous move. But consider: Vince Carter was at the height of his dunking, half-man-half-amazing powers. Tracy McGrady was young, innocent, and had not yet revealed that his legs are made of porcelain. Antonio Davis exemplified the sleepy-eyed cool that later came to characterize the Black Prezodents. Yet of all these stars, it was a role player that rose to the position of a true BP. His stats were wildly unimpressive. His energy was unmatchable. His mustache was incredibly thin. In a four-game playoff series that signaled the death of the Knicks (back in the best-of-5 days), and a truly classic seven-game series against the eventual Eastern champ 76ers, he established himself as a true great, worthy of his shared nickname with one of the greatest wrestlers of all time.
The Junkyard Dog, Jerome Williams, our 23rd Black Prezodent.
By the way, this guy is like the Jimmy Carter of Black Prezodents, doing more good in his post-Prezodential career than he ever did while in office. Check out this blog of his experience as an ambassador of the NBA in Africa. Good shit.
The Junkyard Dog, Jerome Williams, our 23rd Black Prezodent.By the way, this guy is like the Jimmy Carter of Black Prezodents, doing more good in his post-Prezodential career than he ever did while in office. Check out this blog of his experience as an ambassador of the NBA in Africa. Good shit.
2.23.2009
Week 17 in Review: Game Re-Caps
What you missed if you were only paying attention to your own game, you selfish prick.
I'm writing this while watching Celts-Nuggets, so you'll excuse me if I break into an occasional "Rondoooooooooo!" Also, considering that I'm planning on watching the Nuggets at least twice this week, I wish I'd started Kenyon Martin. If I am ever a nationally-known bloggist, I will promote "GT" as a nickname for Kenyon, standing for "Gangsta Tourette's." By the way, having also been the long-time home of Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf, I have to ask: what makes Denver so Tourette's-friendly? Is there something about the clean mountain air that cools out those tics and spasms a little bit? Bernier, you're a scientist. Why not research something like this that's actually worth a damn?
Anyways, games...
-JR Smith is hustling out there! Just almost had a sick tip-in that he turned into a kick-out. Rondino doing a lot, but maybe trying to do too much.-
-Local sideline reporter: "The Nuggets have gone skipped past the frustration stage and gone straight to anger."-
-I can't blog. There is 100% going to be a fight here. Kenyon Martin just body-checked Ray Allen.-
Oh thank god, halftime. Okay games for real now.
Great Oden's Raven 5 (ft%/3pm/pts/ast/stl)
Kill Whitey 3 (fg%/reb/blk)
What do you get when you pit a team full of whities against a team with Billups, Wade, and Westbrook? A shitload of assists, that's what. Only one team in the league had more assist than Dekker's this week, but that was his opponent. Tough luck, cracker. The Ravenettes were dishin' and dishin' and scorin' and scorin', as they also led the league in points scored - 617, which is a lot. Now that I look at it, G.O.R. also led the league in field goal percentage. And 3's. Wow, Beb, nice week. Might make sense to make a trade that would sacrifice a few of those huge leads for some of your weaker categories, I would think.
Working's fo Suckers 6 (ft%/3pm/pts/ast/stl/blk)
Black Ice 2 (fg%/reb)
This looks about right for these two teams. 16 total stat categories, and half of those in among the worst 3 in the league for Week 17. Jesse's team was bad, but Reeves' was really bad. He did give us a nice, long chance to say farewell to Elton Brand and Tracy McGrady for the season, though. I wonder if he kept them in this long as a nod of solidarity to his fellow cellar-dweller. Thank God, these two teams will never meet again. (And I do mean never. Not this year. Not next year. Never.)
Professor Dribbles 4 (ft%/reb/ast/blk)
Screen Team 4 (fg%/3pm/pts/stl)
These two have quietly become like a Ballstonian version of Will and Bardey, keeping up chatty conversations on the smackboards all week, congratulating each other on their shared waiver wire pickups and thanking each other for tips here and there. It's a big mutual dick-sucking society in this league and it makes me sick. So it's appropriate, I guess, that these two roomies would tie. Isn't that sweet? That way, it's like you both win! Pretty milquetoast performances, too, though those might owe something to starting Boozer and Garnett, who played about half of one game between them.
-the "Altitude" commentators from Denver local TV just got super-gay talking about Kendrick Perkins rippling physique. It was pretty fantastic.-
Snap Jelly Soldiers 5 (fg%/ft%/3pm/pts/blk)
Fear the Turtle 3 (reb/ast/stl)
Whew! 3-5 seems pretty good for a bottom-half team taking on the current leaders, but this one was a close call for Dev in multiple categories. Five steals (24-19) is a reasonably significant difference, but three assists (82-79) and two rebounds (181-179) could come down to a scorer deciding a shot came a second too late to call it assisted or giving a two-man rebound to one guy and not the other. Still, wins are wins, especially at this point as the season winds down and we come closer to the playoffs. Then again, this game might say more about the front-runner than it does about Dev, who was, after all, amongst the bottom quarter of the league in five categories this week. And still only a 5-3 victory for Snap Jelly? Is this a sign of weakness by the Soldiers? Time will tell.
The Browless Wonders 4 (fg%/reb/ast/blk)
Dominique Moceanu 4 (ft%/3pm/pts/stl)
You can't be proud of winning blocks with eight, and yet I'm somehow sure that Will is. The highest field goal percentage in this match-up came from a guard (Chris Paul), which might be explained by the fact that both teams were disgustingly three-happy. That's right, this was a contest of chuckers, and just like a real game where the teams are content to stay outside and hurl deep bombs, nothing particularly exciting happened. Billy should probably be embarrassed that he only split the game after Will had two players drop 0-fers on the week, but having discussed his feelings for his team with him at length over the past week, I'm fairly confident that he's happy to get any wins at all. Shouldn't be too much more of that with Amar'e out. Sorry man, I'm a dick.
Fire Al Groh 6 (3pm/pts/reb/ast/stl/blk)
Black Prezodents 2 (fg%/ft%)
Ugh. I feel like a Black Ice-type team winning nothing but percentages, but with Kill Whitey nipping at my heels for that final playoff position, it'll have to do. Not a single volume stat win is lame, but the Prezbos did lose our key player, Danny Granger, this week, and still finished within a handful of rebounds and assists, so I'm somewhat proud. Then again, Granger is as big a chucker as anyone on the last two teams, so his presence would almost certainly have destroyed that thousandth-of-a-point lead in field goal percentage and brought me right back to 6-2 or worse. I'm trying to find something to get excited about and failing here... Hold me, Lamar... It's so cold... So cold.
Here's the Best and Worst from Week 17:
Field Goal Percentage: Screen Team .525, Fear the Turtle .430
Free Throw Percentage: Great Oden's Raven .853, Fire Al Groh .699
Three-Pointers Made: Great Oden's Raven 56, Professor Dribbles 14
Points: Great Oden's Raven 617, Black Ice 320
Rebounds: Fire Al Groh 199, Working's for Suckers 130
Assists: Great Oden's Raven 135, Black Ice 55
Steals: Fire Al Groh 42, Kill Whitey 18
Blocks: Fire Al Groh 36, Dominique Moceanu 4
And finally, the match-ups for Week 18:
Black Prezodents (6th) vs. Black Ice (12th)
The Browless Wonders (3rd) vs. Fire Al Groh (2nd)
Fear the Turtle (8th) vs. Dominique Moceanu (10th)
Professor Dribbles (9th) vs. Snap Jelly Soldiers (1st)
Kill Whitey (7th) vs. Working's for Suckers (11th)
Great Oden's Raven (5th) vs. Screen Team (4th) - Is this an RGR-game? I can't remember.
Good luck to all this week, except for Reeves, who totally rested his hand against the glass in the Great Hand-Raising Contest of '98. Fancy fucking ketchup, man.
I'm writing this while watching Celts-Nuggets, so you'll excuse me if I break into an occasional "Rondoooooooooo!" Also, considering that I'm planning on watching the Nuggets at least twice this week, I wish I'd started Kenyon Martin. If I am ever a nationally-known bloggist, I will promote "GT" as a nickname for Kenyon, standing for "Gangsta Tourette's." By the way, having also been the long-time home of Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf, I have to ask: what makes Denver so Tourette's-friendly? Is there something about the clean mountain air that cools out those tics and spasms a little bit? Bernier, you're a scientist. Why not research something like this that's actually worth a damn?
Anyways, games...
-JR Smith is hustling out there! Just almost had a sick tip-in that he turned into a kick-out. Rondino doing a lot, but maybe trying to do too much.-
-Local sideline reporter: "The Nuggets have gone skipped past the frustration stage and gone straight to anger."-
-I can't blog. There is 100% going to be a fight here. Kenyon Martin just body-checked Ray Allen.-
Oh thank god, halftime. Okay games for real now.
Great Oden's Raven 5 (ft%/3pm/pts/ast/stl)
Kill Whitey 3 (fg%/reb/blk)
What do you get when you pit a team full of whities against a team with Billups, Wade, and Westbrook? A shitload of assists, that's what. Only one team in the league had more assist than Dekker's this week, but that was his opponent. Tough luck, cracker. The Ravenettes were dishin' and dishin' and scorin' and scorin', as they also led the league in points scored - 617, which is a lot. Now that I look at it, G.O.R. also led the league in field goal percentage. And 3's. Wow, Beb, nice week. Might make sense to make a trade that would sacrifice a few of those huge leads for some of your weaker categories, I would think.
Working's fo Suckers 6 (ft%/3pm/pts/ast/stl/blk)
Black Ice 2 (fg%/reb)
This looks about right for these two teams. 16 total stat categories, and half of those in among the worst 3 in the league for Week 17. Jesse's team was bad, but Reeves' was really bad. He did give us a nice, long chance to say farewell to Elton Brand and Tracy McGrady for the season, though. I wonder if he kept them in this long as a nod of solidarity to his fellow cellar-dweller. Thank God, these two teams will never meet again. (And I do mean never. Not this year. Not next year. Never.)
Professor Dribbles 4 (ft%/reb/ast/blk)
Screen Team 4 (fg%/3pm/pts/stl)
These two have quietly become like a Ballstonian version of Will and Bardey, keeping up chatty conversations on the smackboards all week, congratulating each other on their shared waiver wire pickups and thanking each other for tips here and there. It's a big mutual dick-sucking society in this league and it makes me sick. So it's appropriate, I guess, that these two roomies would tie. Isn't that sweet? That way, it's like you both win! Pretty milquetoast performances, too, though those might owe something to starting Boozer and Garnett, who played about half of one game between them.
-the "Altitude" commentators from Denver local TV just got super-gay talking about Kendrick Perkins rippling physique. It was pretty fantastic.-
Snap Jelly Soldiers 5 (fg%/ft%/3pm/pts/blk)
Fear the Turtle 3 (reb/ast/stl)
Whew! 3-5 seems pretty good for a bottom-half team taking on the current leaders, but this one was a close call for Dev in multiple categories. Five steals (24-19) is a reasonably significant difference, but three assists (82-79) and two rebounds (181-179) could come down to a scorer deciding a shot came a second too late to call it assisted or giving a two-man rebound to one guy and not the other. Still, wins are wins, especially at this point as the season winds down and we come closer to the playoffs. Then again, this game might say more about the front-runner than it does about Dev, who was, after all, amongst the bottom quarter of the league in five categories this week. And still only a 5-3 victory for Snap Jelly? Is this a sign of weakness by the Soldiers? Time will tell.
The Browless Wonders 4 (fg%/reb/ast/blk)
Dominique Moceanu 4 (ft%/3pm/pts/stl)
You can't be proud of winning blocks with eight, and yet I'm somehow sure that Will is. The highest field goal percentage in this match-up came from a guard (Chris Paul), which might be explained by the fact that both teams were disgustingly three-happy. That's right, this was a contest of chuckers, and just like a real game where the teams are content to stay outside and hurl deep bombs, nothing particularly exciting happened. Billy should probably be embarrassed that he only split the game after Will had two players drop 0-fers on the week, but having discussed his feelings for his team with him at length over the past week, I'm fairly confident that he's happy to get any wins at all. Shouldn't be too much more of that with Amar'e out. Sorry man, I'm a dick.
Fire Al Groh 6 (3pm/pts/reb/ast/stl/blk)
Black Prezodents 2 (fg%/ft%)
Ugh. I feel like a Black Ice-type team winning nothing but percentages, but with Kill Whitey nipping at my heels for that final playoff position, it'll have to do. Not a single volume stat win is lame, but the Prezbos did lose our key player, Danny Granger, this week, and still finished within a handful of rebounds and assists, so I'm somewhat proud. Then again, Granger is as big a chucker as anyone on the last two teams, so his presence would almost certainly have destroyed that thousandth-of-a-point lead in field goal percentage and brought me right back to 6-2 or worse. I'm trying to find something to get excited about and failing here... Hold me, Lamar... It's so cold... So cold.
Here's the Best and Worst from Week 17:
Field Goal Percentage: Screen Team .525, Fear the Turtle .430
Free Throw Percentage: Great Oden's Raven .853, Fire Al Groh .699
Three-Pointers Made: Great Oden's Raven 56, Professor Dribbles 14
Points: Great Oden's Raven 617, Black Ice 320
Rebounds: Fire Al Groh 199, Working's for Suckers 130
Assists: Great Oden's Raven 135, Black Ice 55
Steals: Fire Al Groh 42, Kill Whitey 18
Blocks: Fire Al Groh 36, Dominique Moceanu 4
And finally, the match-ups for Week 18:
Black Prezodents (6th) vs. Black Ice (12th)
The Browless Wonders (3rd) vs. Fire Al Groh (2nd)
Fear the Turtle (8th) vs. Dominique Moceanu (10th)
Professor Dribbles (9th) vs. Snap Jelly Soldiers (1st)
Kill Whitey (7th) vs. Working's for Suckers (11th)
Great Oden's Raven (5th) vs. Screen Team (4th) - Is this an RGR-game? I can't remember.
Good luck to all this week, except for Reeves, who totally rested his hand against the glass in the Great Hand-Raising Contest of '98. Fancy fucking ketchup, man.
Cluj Marketplace / This Week in League Pass
Each Sunday, I'll highlight some of the league's transactions and look forward to the coming week's NBA schedule.
This week's NBA trade deadline ignited some trade spirit in our own league, but like the Tyson Chandler-to-OKC trade, the big trade this week was scuttled by a failed physical. Dominique Moceanu and the Black Prezodents had agreed to terms on a trade sending Amar'e Stoudemire and Jeff Green to Brooklyn in exchange for franchise faces Rasheed Wallace and Baron Davis, as well as disappointing rookie Michael Beasley. Black Prez team trainers, however, identified a sleepy eye on Stoudemire and called off the deal. In reality, I wasn't sure how to deal with this situation, since we had already agreed on the deal, but the two-day voting period hadn't elapsed. I attempted to talk it over with Billy this weekend, but he would not hear a word of it and insisted on retaining the injured Stoudemire. I salute him for his honorable nature, and thank him for leaving only one crippled superstar (Danny Granger) on my roster and not two.
Even with the trade negated, it was still an incredibly active week on the waiver wire, somewhat owing to all the changing depth charts league-wide thanks to injuries and the trade deadline. Will Shoaf dropped Juan Jose Barea, or possibly Jose Juan Barea, but either way an utterly worthless player, to pick up Kelenna Azubuike, who is also worthless. He then turned him around for Marquis Daniels, who is also pretty worthless, but may have some value in the wake of injuries to Granger and Mike Dunleavy, Jr. Dunleavy, by the way, was dropped for Erick Dampier, who can't really be fantasy-worthy, can he? Probably the biggest pick-up for Will this week was Rafer Alston, who I'm pretty surprised was a free agent, and should rack up the assists throwing it in to Dwight Howard or kicking it out to the Magic's shooters.
Fear the Turtle proclaimed their Terrapin loyalty by picking up Chris Wilcox, and although he didn't know that's where he was headed at the time, Dev may find himself happy that Wilcox landed in New York with Mike D'Antoni.
Dominique Moceanu said farewell to the injured Andrew Bogut and said hello to Fred Jones, who I hope is doing nothing special with the Clippers as that would probably mean something bad about my Clippers boys B Diddy and Gordybear.
I had picked up Matt Barnes a few weeks ago in the assumption of an increased role once Amar'e got traded, but when all the (reality) trade rumors around Stoudemire died down, I dropped him in a drug-induced fancy of picking up Anthony Randolph. I quickly turned Randolph into Von Wafer, calling him up from the BP's D-League squad under the assumption that he'd have a big role once again with the trading of Skip to My Lou and the injury to Tracy McGrady. Bardois, meanwhile, had the same thought as I did in relation to Barnes, except this time in the case of injury rather than trade, and dumped the disappointing Monta Ellis for him. He also definitively answered last week's question of how patient he'd be on Luke Ridnour: not very. He dropped him for the timeless suckitude of Larry Hughes.
Dekker dropped one white guy to pick up another white guy. And then he dropped another white guy to pick up Chris Kaman, who's coming back in a couple weeks and can, at full strength, be beastly. Do I think he'll be at full strength? No. Do I think he'll be motivated to play for an awful Clippers team? No. Am I thinking of picking up Rudy Fernandez, who was one of the players Dekker dropped, so that I can have a Blazer on my squad, even though he's not exactly Black? Yes.
Bernier never makes any fucking moves. Can you believe it? He's obviously into the league, but he hates doing free agents. Weird.
Black Ice made some fucking moves! Of course, he dropped players that should have been dropped months ago, including one (the afore-mentioned Kaman) that, at this point, he probably should have held onto. But since he picked up BPC candidate Javale McGee, I'll let him slide.
That was a lot of moves. I'm exhausted, but I'll soldier on and pick the League Pass games of the week:
Monday: Celtics vs. Nuggets. RondOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Bardey, I love you for showing me this:
Tuesday: Mavericks vs. Spurs. I pretty much hate the Texas teams, and never watch them. But when they play each other, I get a little interested for some reason. And I've barely watched the Mavs at all this year. I don't even know what they look like.
Wednesday: Hawks vs. Nuggets. Two Nuggest games in the first three days of the week! They might be making the return to the Top 5 that Dekker so desires.
Thursday: Suns vs. Lakers. Only two games on, and only one on after I get home from book club. I really gotta quit this book club.
Friday: Bobcats vs. Warriors. Should be a fun game. Plus I'm going to the Virginia Wine Expo with my mom (Christmas present) so it's got to be a late game.
Saturday: Thunder vs. Grizzlies. Hmmm.... Interesting.
Sunday: Cavs vs. Hawks. Would love to see the Hawks make a statement on national TV. It's not gonna happen, but I'd love it to.
This week's NBA trade deadline ignited some trade spirit in our own league, but like the Tyson Chandler-to-OKC trade, the big trade this week was scuttled by a failed physical. Dominique Moceanu and the Black Prezodents had agreed to terms on a trade sending Amar'e Stoudemire and Jeff Green to Brooklyn in exchange for franchise faces Rasheed Wallace and Baron Davis, as well as disappointing rookie Michael Beasley. Black Prez team trainers, however, identified a sleepy eye on Stoudemire and called off the deal. In reality, I wasn't sure how to deal with this situation, since we had already agreed on the deal, but the two-day voting period hadn't elapsed. I attempted to talk it over with Billy this weekend, but he would not hear a word of it and insisted on retaining the injured Stoudemire. I salute him for his honorable nature, and thank him for leaving only one crippled superstar (Danny Granger) on my roster and not two.
Even with the trade negated, it was still an incredibly active week on the waiver wire, somewhat owing to all the changing depth charts league-wide thanks to injuries and the trade deadline. Will Shoaf dropped Juan Jose Barea, or possibly Jose Juan Barea, but either way an utterly worthless player, to pick up Kelenna Azubuike, who is also worthless. He then turned him around for Marquis Daniels, who is also pretty worthless, but may have some value in the wake of injuries to Granger and Mike Dunleavy, Jr. Dunleavy, by the way, was dropped for Erick Dampier, who can't really be fantasy-worthy, can he? Probably the biggest pick-up for Will this week was Rafer Alston, who I'm pretty surprised was a free agent, and should rack up the assists throwing it in to Dwight Howard or kicking it out to the Magic's shooters.
Fear the Turtle proclaimed their Terrapin loyalty by picking up Chris Wilcox, and although he didn't know that's where he was headed at the time, Dev may find himself happy that Wilcox landed in New York with Mike D'Antoni.
Dominique Moceanu said farewell to the injured Andrew Bogut and said hello to Fred Jones, who I hope is doing nothing special with the Clippers as that would probably mean something bad about my Clippers boys B Diddy and Gordybear.
I had picked up Matt Barnes a few weeks ago in the assumption of an increased role once Amar'e got traded, but when all the (reality) trade rumors around Stoudemire died down, I dropped him in a drug-induced fancy of picking up Anthony Randolph. I quickly turned Randolph into Von Wafer, calling him up from the BP's D-League squad under the assumption that he'd have a big role once again with the trading of Skip to My Lou and the injury to Tracy McGrady. Bardois, meanwhile, had the same thought as I did in relation to Barnes, except this time in the case of injury rather than trade, and dumped the disappointing Monta Ellis for him. He also definitively answered last week's question of how patient he'd be on Luke Ridnour: not very. He dropped him for the timeless suckitude of Larry Hughes.
Dekker dropped one white guy to pick up another white guy. And then he dropped another white guy to pick up Chris Kaman, who's coming back in a couple weeks and can, at full strength, be beastly. Do I think he'll be at full strength? No. Do I think he'll be motivated to play for an awful Clippers team? No. Am I thinking of picking up Rudy Fernandez, who was one of the players Dekker dropped, so that I can have a Blazer on my squad, even though he's not exactly Black? Yes.
Bernier never makes any fucking moves. Can you believe it? He's obviously into the league, but he hates doing free agents. Weird.
Black Ice made some fucking moves! Of course, he dropped players that should have been dropped months ago, including one (the afore-mentioned Kaman) that, at this point, he probably should have held onto. But since he picked up BPC candidate Javale McGee, I'll let him slide.
That was a lot of moves. I'm exhausted, but I'll soldier on and pick the League Pass games of the week:
Monday: Celtics vs. Nuggets. RondOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Bardey, I love you for showing me this:
Tuesday: Mavericks vs. Spurs. I pretty much hate the Texas teams, and never watch them. But when they play each other, I get a little interested for some reason. And I've barely watched the Mavs at all this year. I don't even know what they look like.
Wednesday: Hawks vs. Nuggets. Two Nuggest games in the first three days of the week! They might be making the return to the Top 5 that Dekker so desires.
Thursday: Suns vs. Lakers. Only two games on, and only one on after I get home from book club. I really gotta quit this book club.
Friday: Bobcats vs. Warriors. Should be a fun game. Plus I'm going to the Virginia Wine Expo with my mom (Christmas present) so it's got to be a late game.
Saturday: Thunder vs. Grizzlies. Hmmm.... Interesting.
Sunday: Cavs vs. Hawks. Would love to see the Hawks make a statement on national TV. It's not gonna happen, but I'd love it to.
2.22.2009
Charts & Figgers
Each Saturday brings high-level statistical analysis from a man who hasn't taken a math class since high school.
This week I lost Danny Granger, who has undoubtedly been the most valuable contributor to my team this season. In looking to replace him in the line-up, I wondered just how valuable he truly was to the Black Prezodents, and how that stacked up against other team MVPs. So I went through each team and calculated what percentage of the team total each team's star had made up in each category over the last month. For the shooting percentages, that entailed way too much math, so I just calculated a +/- figure versus team percentage. The results, below:
(for those of you not mathematically inclined, consider that we start 9 players each week, so the average contribution would be 11% in each category.)
Black Prezodents' Danny Granger:
field goal percentage: -.067
free throw percentage: +.205
three-pointers made: 30%
points: 18%
rebounds: 9%
steals: 8%
blocks: 32%
Professor Dribbles' Kobe Bryant:
field goal percentage: -.021
free throw percentage: +.077
three-pointers made: 38%
points: 24%
rebounds: 10%
assists: 16%
steals: 20%
blocks: 9%
Browless Wonders' Chris Paul
field goal percentage: +.029
free throw percentage: -.021
three-pointers made: 12%
points: 16%
rebounds: 8%
assists: 32%
steals: 33%
blocks: 5%
Fear the Turtle's Caron Butler
field goal percentage: -.003
free throw percentage: +.085
three-pointers made: 23%
points: 15%
rebounds: 12%
assists: 19%
steals: 17%
blocks: 8%
Snap Jelly Soldiers' Lebron James
field goal percentage: -.006
free throw percentage: -.074
three-pointers made: 28%
points: 21%
rebounds: 15%
assists: 27%
steals: 17%
blocks: 14%
Working's fo Suckers' Jason Kidd
field goal percentage: +.017
free throw percentage: -.084
three-pointers made: 20%
points: 8%
rebounds: 13%
assists: 34%
steals: 22%
blocks: 21%
Dominique Moceanu's Troy Murphy (that's right, Troy Murphy)
field goal percentage: +.057
free throw percentage: +.021
three-pointers made: 25%
points: 12%
rebounds: 28%
assists: 10%
steals: 9%
blocks: 14%
I should note that I did calculate the percentages for Amar'e Stoudemire as well, and while Murphy was generally the stronger contributor, Amar'e did have an incredible 50% of Moceanu's blocks for the past month. It should also be pointed out, though, that Moceanu rarely makes it out of single-digit blocks in any given week.
Great Oden's Raven's Dwyane Wade
field goal percentage: +.039
free throw percentage: -.070
three-pointers made: 7%
points: 18%
rebounds: 12%
assists: 20%
steals: 22%
blocks: 24%
Fire Al Groh's Dwight Howard
field goal percentage: +.124
free throw percentage: -.072
three-pointers made: 0%
points: 14%
rebounds: 26%
assists: 3%
steals: 10%
blocks: 33%
This was a weird one because Howard is basically a non-factor in threes and assists and a strong negative in free throws, but his contributions in field goal percentage, boards, and blocks are so strong that I think Bardey will agree he's his most valuable player. [Yup, I just asked him. He agrees.]
Kill Whitey's Pau Gasol
field goal percentage: +.120
free throw percentage: -.018
three-pointers made: 0%
points: 19%
rebounds: 23%
assists: 13%
steals: 8%
blocks: 15%
An argument could have been made here for Manu Ginobili or Steve Nash, which I suppose says something about the nature of team basketball and Dekker's team composition/complexion, etc. But I hate Dekker's team and I hate spending time thinking about them, so I just chose Pau because he's my favorite.
Screen Team's Kevin Durant
field goal percentage: +.027
free throw percentage: +.080
three-pointers made: 27%
points: 24%
rebounds: 16%
assists: 15%
steals: 14%
blocks: 16%
Black Ice
It took me 15-20 minutes to do these calculations for each team, and since I don't think Reeves has put 15-20 minutes into this league all season, I didn't bother doing this for Black Ice. Also, they have no players of value.
So what can we make of this? Well, for one thing, not only is Kevin Durant really fucking good, but he's also incredibly important to Screen Team, and probably the MVP of the league--at least for the past month. If we take 11% as the "average" contribution of one player in one category, then Durant is doing more than his fair share in every single category. On top of that, he's better than his team in both field goal percentage and free throw percentage. Say what you will about Lebron or CP3 or Kobe, but they are all statistical liabilities in one category or another, at least relative to the rest of their teams. I should also point out that on this list, only Jason Kidd and Troy Murphy were drafted after Durant. Nice foresight, Screen.
This week I lost Danny Granger, who has undoubtedly been the most valuable contributor to my team this season. In looking to replace him in the line-up, I wondered just how valuable he truly was to the Black Prezodents, and how that stacked up against other team MVPs. So I went through each team and calculated what percentage of the team total each team's star had made up in each category over the last month. For the shooting percentages, that entailed way too much math, so I just calculated a +/- figure versus team percentage. The results, below:
(for those of you not mathematically inclined, consider that we start 9 players each week, so the average contribution would be 11% in each category.)
Black Prezodents' Danny Granger:
field goal percentage: -.067
free throw percentage: +.205
three-pointers made: 30%
points: 18%
rebounds: 9%
steals: 8%
blocks: 32%
Professor Dribbles' Kobe Bryant:
field goal percentage: -.021
free throw percentage: +.077
three-pointers made: 38%
points: 24%
rebounds: 10%
assists: 16%
steals: 20%
blocks: 9%
Browless Wonders' Chris Paul
field goal percentage: +.029
free throw percentage: -.021
three-pointers made: 12%
points: 16%
rebounds: 8%
assists: 32%
steals: 33%
blocks: 5%
Fear the Turtle's Caron Butler
field goal percentage: -.003
free throw percentage: +.085
three-pointers made: 23%
points: 15%
rebounds: 12%
assists: 19%
steals: 17%
blocks: 8%
Snap Jelly Soldiers' Lebron James
field goal percentage: -.006
free throw percentage: -.074
three-pointers made: 28%
points: 21%
rebounds: 15%
assists: 27%
steals: 17%
blocks: 14%
Working's fo Suckers' Jason Kidd
field goal percentage: +.017
free throw percentage: -.084
three-pointers made: 20%
points: 8%
rebounds: 13%
assists: 34%
steals: 22%
blocks: 21%
Dominique Moceanu's Troy Murphy (that's right, Troy Murphy)
field goal percentage: +.057
free throw percentage: +.021
three-pointers made: 25%
points: 12%
rebounds: 28%
assists: 10%
steals: 9%
blocks: 14%
I should note that I did calculate the percentages for Amar'e Stoudemire as well, and while Murphy was generally the stronger contributor, Amar'e did have an incredible 50% of Moceanu's blocks for the past month. It should also be pointed out, though, that Moceanu rarely makes it out of single-digit blocks in any given week.
Great Oden's Raven's Dwyane Wade
field goal percentage: +.039
free throw percentage: -.070
three-pointers made: 7%
points: 18%
rebounds: 12%
assists: 20%
steals: 22%
blocks: 24%
Fire Al Groh's Dwight Howard
field goal percentage: +.124
free throw percentage: -.072
three-pointers made: 0%
points: 14%
rebounds: 26%
assists: 3%
steals: 10%
blocks: 33%
This was a weird one because Howard is basically a non-factor in threes and assists and a strong negative in free throws, but his contributions in field goal percentage, boards, and blocks are so strong that I think Bardey will agree he's his most valuable player. [Yup, I just asked him. He agrees.]
Kill Whitey's Pau Gasol
field goal percentage: +.120
free throw percentage: -.018
three-pointers made: 0%
points: 19%
rebounds: 23%
assists: 13%
steals: 8%
blocks: 15%
An argument could have been made here for Manu Ginobili or Steve Nash, which I suppose says something about the nature of team basketball and Dekker's team composition/complexion, etc. But I hate Dekker's team and I hate spending time thinking about them, so I just chose Pau because he's my favorite.
Screen Team's Kevin Durant
field goal percentage: +.027
free throw percentage: +.080
three-pointers made: 27%
points: 24%
rebounds: 16%
assists: 15%
steals: 14%
blocks: 16%
Black Ice
It took me 15-20 minutes to do these calculations for each team, and since I don't think Reeves has put 15-20 minutes into this league all season, I didn't bother doing this for Black Ice. Also, they have no players of value.
So what can we make of this? Well, for one thing, not only is Kevin Durant really fucking good, but he's also incredibly important to Screen Team, and probably the MVP of the league--at least for the past month. If we take 11% as the "average" contribution of one player in one category, then Durant is doing more than his fair share in every single category. On top of that, he's better than his team in both field goal percentage and free throw percentage. Say what you will about Lebron or CP3 or Kobe, but they are all statistical liabilities in one category or another, at least relative to the rest of their teams. I should also point out that on this list, only Jason Kidd and Troy Murphy were drafted after Durant. Nice foresight, Screen.
2.19.2009
League Pass Power Rankings
In football, I'll always have the 'Skins. In baseball, I've got no choice but to support the Nats. College athletics are for suckers and lame-o's. But NBA fandom is blessedly fluid. Every Thursday, I'll rank the top 5 teams I look forward to watching on League Pass, and why.
5. Memphis Grizzlies
Looking like the Tyson Chandler trade isn't going through, which means the Grizzlies won't be as oop-tastic as it looked like they would be 24 hours ago, but I still like Rudy Gay and am ready to hop on the OJ Mayo train. Also, the Grizzlies have my favorite NBA uniforms.
4. Charlotte Bobcats
They've dropped a bit in the absence of Gerald Wallace, but we'll see if his return to the line-up can save them from Power Ranking obscurity.
3. Los Angeles Lakers
This is almost entirely for Lamar, who actually has been lighting it up post-Bynum, which I though was a pipe dream when I wrote about it two weeks ago. Pts/Reb/Blk for the last 5 games: 28/17/1, 12/18/1, 19/19/2, 15/20/2, 22/7/2. Love it. Wish that 17-18-19-20 streak in boards had extended into 21 and on, but I'm not complaining. Also, my fondness for Pau (part of last year's fantasy Pau-Yao connection) has rekindled. So awkward and ugly, yet so good.
2. Atlanta Hawks
Al Horford's back, and rounding into full strength (18 and 18 last night). Joe Johnson's back and needed for my middle school team, which is embarassingly mediocre. And the rest of the team is still cool.
1. Portland Trail Blazers
I've never been there, but increasingly feel that if i had to move to another city in the U.S., it might be Portland.
5. Memphis Grizzlies
Looking like the Tyson Chandler trade isn't going through, which means the Grizzlies won't be as oop-tastic as it looked like they would be 24 hours ago, but I still like Rudy Gay and am ready to hop on the OJ Mayo train. Also, the Grizzlies have my favorite NBA uniforms.
4. Charlotte Bobcats
They've dropped a bit in the absence of Gerald Wallace, but we'll see if his return to the line-up can save them from Power Ranking obscurity.
3. Los Angeles Lakers
This is almost entirely for Lamar, who actually has been lighting it up post-Bynum, which I though was a pipe dream when I wrote about it two weeks ago. Pts/Reb/Blk for the last 5 games: 28/17/1, 12/18/1, 19/19/2, 15/20/2, 22/7/2. Love it. Wish that 17-18-19-20 streak in boards had extended into 21 and on, but I'm not complaining. Also, my fondness for Pau (part of last year's fantasy Pau-Yao connection) has rekindled. So awkward and ugly, yet so good.
2. Atlanta Hawks
Al Horford's back, and rounding into full strength (18 and 18 last night). Joe Johnson's back and needed for my middle school team, which is embarassingly mediocre. And the rest of the team is still cool.
1. Portland Trail Blazers
I've never been there, but increasingly feel that if i had to move to another city in the U.S., it might be Portland.
2.18.2009
This Week in Black Prezodential History
Oh man, I was all set to write a glowing Black Prez Historical tract about one of my favorite players of yesteryear. But occasionally the harsh light of passed time begins to reveal truths about your heroes that you never could have imagined in your youth. You may find out that there are a handful of women out there on the internet accusing a once-revered figure of being a roofie artist (I'm looking at you, Chris Gatling). Or you might discover something even worse, like that a seemingly Rushmore-worthy Black Prezodent is in fact, a huge cheesedick. I give you the website of our 21st Black Prezodent: Brian Grant.
Make sure you've got the sound on. It really makes the website. Smooth, ambient jazz.
Check out the "Private" pictures. Check out the "Media" section, which consists of a handful of commercials that Brian barely appears in. Check out the fact that it seems to insist on the fact that he's still an active basketball player ("Contract status: Active"), when he is clearly not an active basketball player and has not been for years. Dude has a logo. He wants to be a star, when he is not. True Black Prezodents don't want to be stars, but are. But sometimes mistakes are made, and you can't sweep your past beneath the rug and pretend it doesn't exist. You simply learn your lesson--that fashion dreads and a Marley tattoo do not indicate true cool--and move on.
Brian Grant (left), our 21st Black Prezodent.
Make sure you've got the sound on. It really makes the website. Smooth, ambient jazz.
Check out the "Private" pictures. Check out the "Media" section, which consists of a handful of commercials that Brian barely appears in. Check out the fact that it seems to insist on the fact that he's still an active basketball player ("Contract status: Active"), when he is clearly not an active basketball player and has not been for years. Dude has a logo. He wants to be a star, when he is not. True Black Prezodents don't want to be stars, but are. But sometimes mistakes are made, and you can't sweep your past beneath the rug and pretend it doesn't exist. You simply learn your lesson--that fashion dreads and a Marley tattoo do not indicate true cool--and move on.
Brian Grant (left), our 21st Black Prezodent.2.16.2009
Week 16 in Review: Game Re-Caps
What you missed if you were only paying attention to your own game, you selfish prick.
Week 16 was all set to be arguably the purest week of competition for our league. With the All-Star festivities eating up the weekend games, almost every single team in the league had a mere two games for our players to prove themselves (sorry, Nets, T-Wolves, Magic, and Jazz owners). But, this being All-Star week, and NBA players being NBA players, a lot of guys took this week as an opportunity to nurse niggling injuries, rest sore bones, and impregnate babymomma groupies (okay, they probably do that every week). The results of their efforts:
Black Prezodents 4 (reb/ast/stl/blk)
Dominique Moceanu 4 (fg%/ft%/3pm/stl)
You know who didn't take this week off? Who actually came to play more this week than any other week in the season? You guessed it: Lamar. As predicted here, Lamar has stepped up in the absence of Andrew Bynum, and this week he looked positively Russel-esque grabbing 37 rebounds in just two games, leading the Black Prez (and in fact, leading the league) to a decisive victory in that category. BP also dominated assists, with B-Diddy's 28 and Rondino's 25 leading the way. Still, Lamar, Baron and Rajon were only good enough to tie Moceanu, who won all the gay categories. The gymnasts especially kicked my ass in the 3-point category, where Ron Artest had 7 threes and Troy Murphy inexplicably had 9 threes in just two games. Billy's gotta be happy with that kind of performance out of a guy who basically looks just like him.
Snap Jelly Soldiers 6 (ft%/pts/reb/ast/stl/blk)
The Browless Wonders 2 (fg%/3pm)
I love it when Will is playing someone he's never met and never interacted with outside of this league, and proceeds to start the week off by posting something like "I'm waiting...bent over with my pants down" as his team message, and then proceeds to write 5 Smackboard messages on his matchup page before his opponent responds. Credit Steffens, though, with apparently not holding it against him. The crux of all those messages is that Will's team has had some bad luck in the past week or two, and he wants us all to wipe his tears and hold his hand and tell him that everything's gonna be OK. As it turns out, though, he was not OK this week, as the Soldiers took it to him in nearly every category (Shoaf only barely won 3s). Snap Jelly was led, as usual, by Lebron, but nearly every Soldier contributed this week, with solid performances by OJ Mayo, Jermaine O'Neal, and Tim Duncan.
Professor Dribbles 5 (fg%/pts/ast/stl/blk)
Fear the Turtle 3 (ft%/3pm/reb)
Things were tight in this battle between former roommates, with several categories decided by tiny margins (.006 in fg%, 13 points, 3 rebounds, and 1 steal), meaning that this match-up could have been anywhere from 7-2 Dribbles to 5-3 Turtle. As it was, DeYoung managed to eke out the points battle largely on the shoulders of Kobe Bryant (71) and Paul Pierce (61). The Turtles featured a lot of nearly identical performances (everyone in the neighborhood of 45 points, 9 rebounds, 9 assists), but one performance in particular stands out: -/-/0/0/0/0/0/0, by Al Jefferson - who will be out for the season. With the league already short on centers, it'll be interesting to see if Dev can recover from this crushing blow.
Fire Al Groh 8 (all)
Working's fo Suckers (none)
Jesus, really? I didn't realize that this had happened until just now, but with the amount of effort Jesse's put into this team (no moves since early December, two injured players starting this week), I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. I am surprised, however, at the week had by Nate Robinson, who not only won the slam dunk contest, but also led the Grohs (please change this name, Doit) in points, assists, and steals, and trailed only Emeka Okafor in boards. Not bad for 7 feet of dipshit in a 5-and-a-half-foot body.
Of note: It's not easy to win free throw percentage shooting 69%, but Bardey ran away with the category thanks to the Suckers' paltry 64%.
Great Oden's Raven 7 (fg%/ft%/3pm/pts/reb/ast/blk)
Black Ice 1 (stl)
Speaking of lame ownership... I don't know how nine professional basketball players over two games manage to only hit three 3-pointers, but Black Ice proved this week that it was possible. Thank god for Ramon Sessions' six steals (and 41 points and 24 assists--is this guy good? I don't watch the Bucks) or else we'd have had another 8-0 game on our hands. Kudos to Beb for finally starting his namesake, who rewarded him by leading the team in boards, blocks, and field goal percentage. Stephen Jackson also came to play this week, posting one Octuplet game on Thursday after missing it by a block on Tuesday night.
Screen Team 6 (fg%/ft%/pts/reb/ast/stl)
Kill Whitey 2 (3pm/blk)
This week's victory must have imbued Andy Screen with confidence, as he continued his victory streak into the weekend by successfully proposing to his longtime girlfriend, Lynn. Congrats, Screentos, on the victory and the engagement. To commemorate the week in which he popped the question, Screen has asked Kevin Durant to serve as his ringbearer, reasoning that anyone who can put up 1 three, 51 points, 17 rebounds, 8 assists, 8 steals, and 2 blocks in two games can capably carry a small piece of metal from the back of a church to the front of it. No amount of wedded bliss, however, will erase the fact that Screen is still starting Udonis Haslem.
Here's the Best and Worst from Week 26:
Field Goal Percentage: Professor Dribbles .504, Black Prezodents .430
Free Throw Percentage: Snap Jelly Soldiers .850, Working's fo Suckers .644
Three-Pointers Made: Dominique Moceanu 31, Black Ice 3
Points: Snap Jelly Soldiers 353, Black Ice 193
Rebounds: Black Prezodents 143, Working's fo Suckers 77
Assists: Black Prezodents, Snap Jelly Soldiers 74, Fear the Turtles 41
Steals: Screen Team 28, The Browless Wonders 11
Blocks: Professor Dribbles 19, Working's for Suckers 3
and finally, the match-ups to look forward to in Week 17:
Black Prezodents (6th) vs. Fire Al Groh (2nd)
The Browless Wonders (3rd) vs. Dominique Moceanu (10th)
Fear the Turtle (8th) vs. Snap Jelly Soldiers (1st) - RGR Match-Up
Professor Dribbles (9th) vs. Screen Team (4th)
Black Ice (12th) vs. Working's fo Suckers (11th)
Kill Whitey (7th) vs. Great Oden's Raven (5th)
Good luck to all this week, except for Bardey, who dug up the fucking bushes all on his own.
Week 16 was all set to be arguably the purest week of competition for our league. With the All-Star festivities eating up the weekend games, almost every single team in the league had a mere two games for our players to prove themselves (sorry, Nets, T-Wolves, Magic, and Jazz owners). But, this being All-Star week, and NBA players being NBA players, a lot of guys took this week as an opportunity to nurse niggling injuries, rest sore bones, and impregnate babymomma groupies (okay, they probably do that every week). The results of their efforts:
Black Prezodents 4 (reb/ast/stl/blk)
Dominique Moceanu 4 (fg%/ft%/3pm/stl)
You know who didn't take this week off? Who actually came to play more this week than any other week in the season? You guessed it: Lamar. As predicted here, Lamar has stepped up in the absence of Andrew Bynum, and this week he looked positively Russel-esque grabbing 37 rebounds in just two games, leading the Black Prez (and in fact, leading the league) to a decisive victory in that category. BP also dominated assists, with B-Diddy's 28 and Rondino's 25 leading the way. Still, Lamar, Baron and Rajon were only good enough to tie Moceanu, who won all the gay categories. The gymnasts especially kicked my ass in the 3-point category, where Ron Artest had 7 threes and Troy Murphy inexplicably had 9 threes in just two games. Billy's gotta be happy with that kind of performance out of a guy who basically looks just like him.
Snap Jelly Soldiers 6 (ft%/pts/reb/ast/stl/blk)
The Browless Wonders 2 (fg%/3pm)
I love it when Will is playing someone he's never met and never interacted with outside of this league, and proceeds to start the week off by posting something like "I'm waiting...bent over with my pants down" as his team message, and then proceeds to write 5 Smackboard messages on his matchup page before his opponent responds. Credit Steffens, though, with apparently not holding it against him. The crux of all those messages is that Will's team has had some bad luck in the past week or two, and he wants us all to wipe his tears and hold his hand and tell him that everything's gonna be OK. As it turns out, though, he was not OK this week, as the Soldiers took it to him in nearly every category (Shoaf only barely won 3s). Snap Jelly was led, as usual, by Lebron, but nearly every Soldier contributed this week, with solid performances by OJ Mayo, Jermaine O'Neal, and Tim Duncan.
Professor Dribbles 5 (fg%/pts/ast/stl/blk)
Fear the Turtle 3 (ft%/3pm/reb)
Things were tight in this battle between former roommates, with several categories decided by tiny margins (.006 in fg%, 13 points, 3 rebounds, and 1 steal), meaning that this match-up could have been anywhere from 7-2 Dribbles to 5-3 Turtle. As it was, DeYoung managed to eke out the points battle largely on the shoulders of Kobe Bryant (71) and Paul Pierce (61). The Turtles featured a lot of nearly identical performances (everyone in the neighborhood of 45 points, 9 rebounds, 9 assists), but one performance in particular stands out: -/-/0/0/0/0/0/0, by Al Jefferson - who will be out for the season. With the league already short on centers, it'll be interesting to see if Dev can recover from this crushing blow.
Fire Al Groh 8 (all)
Working's fo Suckers (none)
Jesus, really? I didn't realize that this had happened until just now, but with the amount of effort Jesse's put into this team (no moves since early December, two injured players starting this week), I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. I am surprised, however, at the week had by Nate Robinson, who not only won the slam dunk contest, but also led the Grohs (please change this name, Doit) in points, assists, and steals, and trailed only Emeka Okafor in boards. Not bad for 7 feet of dipshit in a 5-and-a-half-foot body.
Of note: It's not easy to win free throw percentage shooting 69%, but Bardey ran away with the category thanks to the Suckers' paltry 64%.
Great Oden's Raven 7 (fg%/ft%/3pm/pts/reb/ast/blk)
Black Ice 1 (stl)
Speaking of lame ownership... I don't know how nine professional basketball players over two games manage to only hit three 3-pointers, but Black Ice proved this week that it was possible. Thank god for Ramon Sessions' six steals (and 41 points and 24 assists--is this guy good? I don't watch the Bucks) or else we'd have had another 8-0 game on our hands. Kudos to Beb for finally starting his namesake, who rewarded him by leading the team in boards, blocks, and field goal percentage. Stephen Jackson also came to play this week, posting one Octuplet game on Thursday after missing it by a block on Tuesday night.
Screen Team 6 (fg%/ft%/pts/reb/ast/stl)
Kill Whitey 2 (3pm/blk)
This week's victory must have imbued Andy Screen with confidence, as he continued his victory streak into the weekend by successfully proposing to his longtime girlfriend, Lynn. Congrats, Screentos, on the victory and the engagement. To commemorate the week in which he popped the question, Screen has asked Kevin Durant to serve as his ringbearer, reasoning that anyone who can put up 1 three, 51 points, 17 rebounds, 8 assists, 8 steals, and 2 blocks in two games can capably carry a small piece of metal from the back of a church to the front of it. No amount of wedded bliss, however, will erase the fact that Screen is still starting Udonis Haslem.
Here's the Best and Worst from Week 26:
Field Goal Percentage: Professor Dribbles .504, Black Prezodents .430
Free Throw Percentage: Snap Jelly Soldiers .850, Working's fo Suckers .644
Three-Pointers Made: Dominique Moceanu 31, Black Ice 3
Points: Snap Jelly Soldiers 353, Black Ice 193
Rebounds: Black Prezodents 143, Working's fo Suckers 77
Assists: Black Prezodents, Snap Jelly Soldiers 74, Fear the Turtles 41
Steals: Screen Team 28, The Browless Wonders 11
Blocks: Professor Dribbles 19, Working's for Suckers 3
and finally, the match-ups to look forward to in Week 17:
Black Prezodents (6th) vs. Fire Al Groh (2nd)
The Browless Wonders (3rd) vs. Dominique Moceanu (10th)
Fear the Turtle (8th) vs. Snap Jelly Soldiers (1st) - RGR Match-Up
Professor Dribbles (9th) vs. Screen Team (4th)
Black Ice (12th) vs. Working's fo Suckers (11th)
Kill Whitey (7th) vs. Great Oden's Raven (5th)
Good luck to all this week, except for Bardey, who dug up the fucking bushes all on his own.
Cluj Marketplace / This Week in League Pass
Each Sunday, I'll highlight some of the league's transactions and look forward to the coming week's NBA schedule.
This week...
Fear the Turtle lost arguably their best player, Al Jefferson, to a torn ACL that will keep him out for the rest of the season. This likely kills any chance that Dev had of climbing into the playoff picture, but he will salve his wounds with the scruffy gingerness that is Matt Bonner. Look for the Turtles to drop in points, blocks, and rebounds, but climb in threes and New Hampshireiness.
Unlike Dev, who replaced a useless player with a slightly less useless one, Bardey and Screen decided to buck the odds and trade in healthy players for injured ones. Screen made it all the way through the revolving door of foreign-y black shooting guards he stepped into a few weeks ago by dropping Mickael Pietrus. Taking his place is the injured Andray Blatche, who should be back pretty shortly after the All-Star break. Unfortunately, it'll do Screen no good, as we all know Javale is taking over that 5-spot for the 'Zards.
Bardey will have to wait a little longer, like say 4-5 weeks, to see the payoff from his free agent pickup, Luke Ridnour. Is there any way Ridnour is really valuable enough to merit a bench spot for a month? Will Bardey actually have the patience to stick by his investment? Only time, and the breathless anticipation of literally no one, will bring the answer.
Here's the games I'm looking forward to this week:
Tuesday: Hawks vs. Lakers. I have no doubt that for the thousandth week in a row, the Lakers will win the internet vote for Fan Night, and you'll all get to watch this on NBA TV. But only Will and I will get to see the local commercials, including that annoying-ass one for Big Bear. You know the one? With the anchor man and the weather lady? Billy's seen it.
Wednesday: Grizzlies vs. Trail Blazers. Has any pro player ever better exemplified his team name than Marc Gasol? The only example I can think of is an amateur one, from back when Nate Robinson used to play for that AAU team, the Fucking Assholes.
Thursday: Max odds on my Pass line 4, place on the 6 and 8, and maybe a Come bet. These games (SA-Det, Bos-Uta) are lame, so let's just go to AC and roll some dice.
Friday: Hawks vs. Trail Blazers. Unoriginal, I know.
Saturday: 76ers vs. Heat. Day game! I pretty much hate both these teams, but I'm curious to see if the Marion trade really does open up some playing time for Beasley or if they just use Jamario Moon. Plus, I'm re-scouting Marreese Speights. Speights!
Sunday: Bobcats vs. Rockets. I can't go a full week without my Bobcats!
So won't you join me for a league pass and a gchat some time this week?
I hope none of you suckers is working today. It's Prezodents' Day!
This week...
Fear the Turtle lost arguably their best player, Al Jefferson, to a torn ACL that will keep him out for the rest of the season. This likely kills any chance that Dev had of climbing into the playoff picture, but he will salve his wounds with the scruffy gingerness that is Matt Bonner. Look for the Turtles to drop in points, blocks, and rebounds, but climb in threes and New Hampshireiness.
Unlike Dev, who replaced a useless player with a slightly less useless one, Bardey and Screen decided to buck the odds and trade in healthy players for injured ones. Screen made it all the way through the revolving door of foreign-y black shooting guards he stepped into a few weeks ago by dropping Mickael Pietrus. Taking his place is the injured Andray Blatche, who should be back pretty shortly after the All-Star break. Unfortunately, it'll do Screen no good, as we all know Javale is taking over that 5-spot for the 'Zards.
Bardey will have to wait a little longer, like say 4-5 weeks, to see the payoff from his free agent pickup, Luke Ridnour. Is there any way Ridnour is really valuable enough to merit a bench spot for a month? Will Bardey actually have the patience to stick by his investment? Only time, and the breathless anticipation of literally no one, will bring the answer.
Here's the games I'm looking forward to this week:
Tuesday: Hawks vs. Lakers. I have no doubt that for the thousandth week in a row, the Lakers will win the internet vote for Fan Night, and you'll all get to watch this on NBA TV. But only Will and I will get to see the local commercials, including that annoying-ass one for Big Bear. You know the one? With the anchor man and the weather lady? Billy's seen it.
Wednesday: Grizzlies vs. Trail Blazers. Has any pro player ever better exemplified his team name than Marc Gasol? The only example I can think of is an amateur one, from back when Nate Robinson used to play for that AAU team, the Fucking Assholes.
Thursday: Max odds on my Pass line 4, place on the 6 and 8, and maybe a Come bet. These games (SA-Det, Bos-Uta) are lame, so let's just go to AC and roll some dice.
Friday: Hawks vs. Trail Blazers. Unoriginal, I know.
Saturday: 76ers vs. Heat. Day game! I pretty much hate both these teams, but I'm curious to see if the Marion trade really does open up some playing time for Beasley or if they just use Jamario Moon. Plus, I'm re-scouting Marreese Speights. Speights!
Sunday: Bobcats vs. Rockets. I can't go a full week without my Bobcats!
So won't you join me for a league pass and a gchat some time this week?
I hope none of you suckers is working today. It's Prezodents' Day!
2.15.2009
Saturday Night Live
All-Star Weekend's Saturday night is vastly superior to the actual game. A few thoughts:
*I missed HORSE, but I suspect it was awesome, if only because it was brought to us by GEICO. Never forget how fucking funny Tiny House was the first 50 times you saw it.
* Every time Thunder Dan doesn't win the 3ball competition, or whatever it's called these days, a little part of Bardey dies.
*Fortunately, every time Thunder Dan merely appears on television, a larger part of Bardey lives.
*I like Derrick Rose, even though he plays for the Bulls, about whom I feel the same way I feel about the homeless guy in the stairwell at the Prospect Park station on the F train (outwardly sympathetic, but inwardly angry and disgusted). But despite my personal affection for him and the rest of last year's Tigers squad (RIP, CD-R), his performance in the skills competition/reaction upon winning was why people hate professional athletes. You're 20! You're making millions of dollars! You're at the All-Star game! You just won the fucking competition! Smile and laugh, you dumb fuck!
*This year's 3-point Shootout was the worst I can remember seeing, if not the worst ever. But Reggie Miller calling out Roger Mason, Jr. for having ashy legs, and suggesting that he get some Jergen's, was the 2nd-funniest comment of the evening.
*Chris Tucker has really let himself go.
*I like the fact that the dunk contest judges aren't the same guys they always are, but they're still afraid to give anything less than an 8, and still give 10s way too easily. Next year's judges should be: Me, Cedric Ceballos (who was scheduled to be the subject of a "This Week in Black Prezodential History" and magically showed up as an actual dunk contest judge), Lil' Mama from America's Best Dance Crew, Fred Armisen, and Barack Obama.
*The funniest comment of the night came from Kenny Smith, reacting to the decision by Rudy Fernandez to use Pau Gasol as his passing partner, and have him toss it behind-the-back off the backboard: "This just shows the amateurism of..." [long pause while Kenny considers finishing the sentence with "...Fernandez," "...an NBA rookie," "...a first-time dunk competitor," "...a fan-selected dunker," and finally settles on] "...Spain."
*Dwight Howard needs to get over the whole Superman thing.
*Even on the 12-foot rim, a trick of some kind, if only a tomahawk or something basic, is necessary.
*The ideal: put the 10-footer and the 12-footer side-by-side. Start at the sideline, and dunk a ball on the 10-footer on your way up to dunk on the 12-footer. Not impossible, I don't think.
*This year's contest was nowhere near last year's. The Birthday Cake still hasn't gotten the respect it deserves. Peep the view from behind the backboard.
*If Lebron follows through on his promise to compete in 2010, I will officially stop hating him. If he doesn't, I will officially hate him forever, even if he comes to the Nets, and even if they come to Brooklyn.
*I missed HORSE, but I suspect it was awesome, if only because it was brought to us by GEICO. Never forget how fucking funny Tiny House was the first 50 times you saw it.
* Every time Thunder Dan doesn't win the 3ball competition, or whatever it's called these days, a little part of Bardey dies.
*Fortunately, every time Thunder Dan merely appears on television, a larger part of Bardey lives.
*I like Derrick Rose, even though he plays for the Bulls, about whom I feel the same way I feel about the homeless guy in the stairwell at the Prospect Park station on the F train (outwardly sympathetic, but inwardly angry and disgusted). But despite my personal affection for him and the rest of last year's Tigers squad (RIP, CD-R), his performance in the skills competition/reaction upon winning was why people hate professional athletes. You're 20! You're making millions of dollars! You're at the All-Star game! You just won the fucking competition! Smile and laugh, you dumb fuck!
*This year's 3-point Shootout was the worst I can remember seeing, if not the worst ever. But Reggie Miller calling out Roger Mason, Jr. for having ashy legs, and suggesting that he get some Jergen's, was the 2nd-funniest comment of the evening.
*Chris Tucker has really let himself go.
*I like the fact that the dunk contest judges aren't the same guys they always are, but they're still afraid to give anything less than an 8, and still give 10s way too easily. Next year's judges should be: Me, Cedric Ceballos (who was scheduled to be the subject of a "This Week in Black Prezodential History" and magically showed up as an actual dunk contest judge), Lil' Mama from America's Best Dance Crew, Fred Armisen, and Barack Obama.
*The funniest comment of the night came from Kenny Smith, reacting to the decision by Rudy Fernandez to use Pau Gasol as his passing partner, and have him toss it behind-the-back off the backboard: "This just shows the amateurism of..." [long pause while Kenny considers finishing the sentence with "...Fernandez," "...an NBA rookie," "...a first-time dunk competitor," "...a fan-selected dunker," and finally settles on] "...Spain."
*Dwight Howard needs to get over the whole Superman thing.
*Even on the 12-foot rim, a trick of some kind, if only a tomahawk or something basic, is necessary.
*The ideal: put the 10-footer and the 12-footer side-by-side. Start at the sideline, and dunk a ball on the 10-footer on your way up to dunk on the 12-footer. Not impossible, I don't think.
*This year's contest was nowhere near last year's. The Birthday Cake still hasn't gotten the respect it deserves. Peep the view from behind the backboard.
*If Lebron follows through on his promise to compete in 2010, I will officially stop hating him. If he doesn't, I will officially hate him forever, even if he comes to the Nets, and even if they come to Brooklyn.
2.14.2009
Charts & Figgers
Each Saturday brings high-level statistical analysis from a man who hasn't taken a math class since high school.
We've reached the midway point of the NBA season, All-Star Weekend, and with the trade deadline fast approaching there are rumors aplenty of top players flipping jerseys. With that in mind, I thought I'd take a look at the weaknesses and strengths of the CUFBA's teams and fire up the Faculty Trade Machine. (I've included players' overall Yahoo rankings to show that these trades aren't ridiculous.)
Natural Trade Partners:
Screen Team (2nd in fg%, 11th in Ast) & Great Oden's Raven (12th in fg%, 1st in Ast)
Suggested Trade:
Nene (17) for Chauncey Billups (13)
Natural Trade Partners:
Fear the Turtle (1st in Reb, 11th in 3pm) & Dominique Moceanu (10th in Reb, 2nd in 3pm)
Suggested Trade:
Kendrick Perkins (135) for Ron Artest (118)
Natural Trade Partners:
Kill Whitey (1st in ft%, 11th in pts) & Fire Al Groh (12th in ft%, 3rd in pts)
Suggested Trade:
Steve Nash (63) for Dwight Howard (60)
Natural Trade Partners:
Black Prezodents (3rd in 3pm, 10th in fg%) & Screen Team (12th in 3pm, 2nd in fg%)
Suggested Trade:
J.R. Smith (115) for Nick Collison (114)
Natural Trade Partners:
Snap Jelly Soldiers (Top-3 in 5 stat categories) & Black Ice (Bottom-3 in 5 stat categories)
Suggested Trade:
Lebron James (1) for Elton Brand (220)
Let's make it happen, fellas!
We've reached the midway point of the NBA season, All-Star Weekend, and with the trade deadline fast approaching there are rumors aplenty of top players flipping jerseys. With that in mind, I thought I'd take a look at the weaknesses and strengths of the CUFBA's teams and fire up the Faculty Trade Machine. (I've included players' overall Yahoo rankings to show that these trades aren't ridiculous.)
Natural Trade Partners:
Screen Team (2nd in fg%, 11th in Ast) & Great Oden's Raven (12th in fg%, 1st in Ast)
Suggested Trade:
Nene (17) for Chauncey Billups (13)
Natural Trade Partners:
Fear the Turtle (1st in Reb, 11th in 3pm) & Dominique Moceanu (10th in Reb, 2nd in 3pm)
Suggested Trade:
Kendrick Perkins (135) for Ron Artest (118)
Natural Trade Partners:
Kill Whitey (1st in ft%, 11th in pts) & Fire Al Groh (12th in ft%, 3rd in pts)
Suggested Trade:
Steve Nash (63) for Dwight Howard (60)
Natural Trade Partners:
Black Prezodents (3rd in 3pm, 10th in fg%) & Screen Team (12th in 3pm, 2nd in fg%)
Suggested Trade:
J.R. Smith (115) for Nick Collison (114)
Natural Trade Partners:
Snap Jelly Soldiers (Top-3 in 5 stat categories) & Black Ice (Bottom-3 in 5 stat categories)
Suggested Trade:
Lebron James (1) for Elton Brand (220)
Let's make it happen, fellas!
Black Prezodential Caucus
League Pass allows even the scrubbiest of scrubs national exposure, and quite often there are diamonds in the rough. Each Friday, the Black Prezodential Caucus will convene to consider the candidacy of a possible new Black Prezodent.
This week I made the unusual move of actually watching a few minutes of my formerly favorite team, the Washington Wizards. These days, there generally aren't too many candidates of interest to the caucus in aqua or gold lame' jerseys, but following the injury to Andray Blatche, which followed the injury to Etan Thomas, which followed the injury to Brendan Haywood, the Wizards' pituitary explosion Javale McGee is getting some solid minutes, and apparently growing as a basketball player as well. I was actually initially considering him for Prezodential status solely because he actually kind of resembles a yellower, more drawn-out version of our actual Black President. Like a Gumby Obama or something. (By the way, Obama's nearly as yellow and drawn-out as can be, so to top him in both is pretty impressive, Javale.) Anyways, he pulled off a couple of nifty, left-handed moves under the basket that struck me, and though I didn't watch the next night, he apparently was good enough to make two of NBA.com's "_____ of the Night" segments, posted below:
That's on your boy Diaw's head, DeYoung!
This week I made the unusual move of actually watching a few minutes of my formerly favorite team, the Washington Wizards. These days, there generally aren't too many candidates of interest to the caucus in aqua or gold lame' jerseys, but following the injury to Andray Blatche, which followed the injury to Etan Thomas, which followed the injury to Brendan Haywood, the Wizards' pituitary explosion Javale McGee is getting some solid minutes, and apparently growing as a basketball player as well. I was actually initially considering him for Prezodential status solely because he actually kind of resembles a yellower, more drawn-out version of our actual Black President. Like a Gumby Obama or something. (By the way, Obama's nearly as yellow and drawn-out as can be, so to top him in both is pretty impressive, Javale.) Anyways, he pulled off a couple of nifty, left-handed moves under the basket that struck me, and though I didn't watch the next night, he apparently was good enough to make two of NBA.com's "_____ of the Night" segments, posted below:
That's on your boy Diaw's head, DeYoung!
2.13.2009
2.11.2009
2.10.2009
Quick Note
"The Charlotte Bobcats traded managing partner Michael Jordan's first draft pick on Saturday, sending struggling forward Adam Morrison and reserve guard Shannon Brown to the Los Angeles Lakers for forward Vladimir Radmanovic."
The press would have you believe that this is about the 'Cats giving up on Morrison or the Lakers wanting to unload Radman's contract, but I know the real story: Mitch Kupchak reads The Faculty! Welcome to the big time, Shannon Brown!
The press would have you believe that this is about the 'Cats giving up on Morrison or the Lakers wanting to unload Radman's contract, but I know the real story: Mitch Kupchak reads The Faculty! Welcome to the big time, Shannon Brown!
2.09.2009
Brief Hiatus
As some of you have already noticed, I'm taking a bit of a break here. I was deathly ill and unable to do anything but lie in bed and watch awful television all weekend, and that has left me with two nights (tonight and tomorrow) to compile grades for 300 middle schoolers. This is a task I should have started a week ago, then should have started this weekend, and instead am starting now. Grades are due on Wednesday, so I should be back to blogging by Thursday or Friday, and I have all of next week off, so expect a bounteous blogsplosion all over your faces. In the meantime, I will be posting one sexy hotness a day to keep you happy. Here's today's:
2.07.2009
Black Prezodential Caucus
League Pass allows even the scrubbiest of scrubs national exposure, and quite often there are diamonds in the rough. Each Friday, the Black Prezodential Caucus will convene to consider the candidacy of a possible new Black Prezodent.
Tuesday night is movie night here in Brooklyn (that's right, Dev, we brought it back, and if you come up we can arrange a screening of "The Dream Team"), and this Tuesday we watched "Gunnin' for That #1 Spot," a documentary by Adam Yauch (Ad-Rock of the Beastie Boys). The doc follows eight of the top high school ballers as they converge on Rucker Park in Harlem for the 2006 Elite 24 Hoops Classic. One of the featured players, Michael Beasley, is already a Black Prezodent, and the others are scattered throughout the NBA (Kevin Love, Jerryd Bayless), NCAA (Kyle Singler, Tyreke Evans) and Europe (Brandon Jennings). But one of these guys is still in high school, and despite being a sophomore when the rest of these guys were seniors, he holds his own in the game. I give you Brooklyn's own Lance Stephenson:
Tuesday night is movie night here in Brooklyn (that's right, Dev, we brought it back, and if you come up we can arrange a screening of "The Dream Team"), and this Tuesday we watched "Gunnin' for That #1 Spot," a documentary by Adam Yauch (Ad-Rock of the Beastie Boys). The doc follows eight of the top high school ballers as they converge on Rucker Park in Harlem for the 2006 Elite 24 Hoops Classic. One of the featured players, Michael Beasley, is already a Black Prezodent, and the others are scattered throughout the NBA (Kevin Love, Jerryd Bayless), NCAA (Kyle Singler, Tyreke Evans) and Europe (Brandon Jennings). But one of these guys is still in high school, and despite being a sophomore when the rest of these guys were seniors, he holds his own in the game. I give you Brooklyn's own Lance Stephenson:
2.05.2009
League Pass Power Rankings
In football, I'll always have the 'Skins. In baseball, I've got no choice but to support the Nats. College athletics are for suckers and lame-o's. But NBA fandom is blessedly fluid. Every Thursday, I'll rank the top 5 teams I look forward to watching on League Pass, and why.
5. Los Angeles Lakers
I realized, while watching the game tonight, that I'm so much more a Lakers fan than I am a Celtics fan, that it didn't make any sense having the C's on this list over the Lakers. Also, I'm ready for Lamar to step up in Bynum's absence and improbably become the player we all know he can be. I don't necessarily believe it'll happen, but I'm ready for it.
4. Denver Nuggets
K-Mart sitting with malaria; JR losing playing time with Melo back; Nene continuing to make me feel bad for trading him away: I still like watching these guys play, but it's always tinged with a bit of sadness.
3. Atlanta Hawks
They were ready to vault into the 2-spot, and then Joe Johnson, member of Sr. Sovic's middle school squad, missed a game. Still, with Horford coming back, their stock is rising fast.
2. Charlotte Bobcats
I just like these guys. I hope Gerald Wallace gets back soon.
1. Portland Trail Blazers
Still #1.
2.04.2009
This Week in Black Prezodential History
On February 1st, my fantasy ideal of an 8-category night was very nearly realized: 9-16 from the field, 8-8 from the free throw line, 26 points, 13 boards, 6 assists, a steal, and a block. The only thing missing was a three-pointer, but that could hardly be expected from a man known as "The Hammer." And the game was not three days ago, but rather 18 years years ago, in 1992, when guards shot threes and forwards just manned the fuck up. Hailing from the Steel City of Pittsburgh, birthplace of many a Tarasovic, this Black Prezodent spent a year dominating the juco scene in the early eighties before transferring to UNLV. The Runnin' Rebels were ranked #1 for most of his regime, and his senior season there was the highest-scoring season in school history. 
Armon Gilliam, our nation's 15th Black Prezodent.
Once he made the pros, the Hammer continued his dominance playing stints all over the league, including Phoenix, Charlotte, Philly, New Jersey, Milwaukee, and Utah. As if this weren't enough, he came out of retirement in 2005 to play and coach the Pittsburgh Xplosion, where he averaged 24 points and 9 rebounds at the age of 41. Clearly, this is one BP who has stood the test of time. The Faculty of letters salutes...
Armon Gilliam, our nation's 15th Black Prezodent.
2.03.2009
Better Know a Douchebag
As the only member of the Cluj universe to know all its owners, I find it incumbent upon myself to introduce you all to each other. So far, that effort has only succeeded in nearly starting a bar fight, but hopefully things will be a little more civil here on the blog. This week... The Browless Wonders' Will Shoaf.
Full Name: William K Shoot
Originally From: Chesapeake, VA
Now Resides in: Austin, TX
Occupation: 6th-Grade Social Studies Teacher
Relationship Status: Imbrobably, Married to a seemingly normal girl
Current League Standing: 2nd place, 71-39-2
Humorous, Possibly Fictional, Anecdote: Once acquired an STD from a girl he (erroneously) thought he had screwed in the pooper
Team Name Rating: two and three-quarter stars
and now, our exclusive interview:
The Faculty of Letters: what's your favorite thing about your Browless Wonders?
wkshoaf: My first instinct is to say my man-love for Chris Paul, but i also love the maddening inconsistency of my namesake, Charlie V.
TFoL: you dig the up and down?
wkshoaf: as an owner? no. but it makes things more interesting. paul does well every game. you know what you're getting. The random guys throwing up the huge game makes me happier, beno getting 3 steals; charlie V getting 3 blocks, etc.
TFoL: right. has there been anyone who's consistently been a pleasant surprise for you? anyone you feel you got great value for in the draft or in a trade?
wkshoaf: I would say the biggest surprise has been Jason Terry, just putting up great numbers despite coming off the bench. Did NOT see that happening.
TFoL: yeah he pours em in from that 6th man spot. i actually just drafted him today in my kids' league
wkshoaf: nice. he's fun to have; very consistent but he makes you nervous because he never plays much in the first quarter. As far as the draft, I would say getting Hawes in round 12 was great in the beginning of the season. But I traded him to Dekker right before he got shitty. he carried my team for the first 4 weeks or so.
TFoL: who'd you get in that trade?
wkshoaf: beno [udrih].
TFoL: do you feel like you "won" that trade?
wkshoaf: ehh? I don't know. I've dropped beno once and picked him up again. he's just a backup PG because I traded away felton; that was dumb.
TFoL: what was that trade?
wkshoaf: I traded felton for charlie V because I wanted a backup big guy.
TFoL: that looks like a losing trade to me with the way felton's been playing. do you feel that way?
wkshoaf: felton has outplayed charlie V for most of the year, yes. recently, Charlie has been great, but that's because bogut got hurt and skiles started playing him but like I said, it's only been like 2 weeks. If Brad Miller is traded, then Hawes will start putting up big numbers again. and I will have officially lost both trades
TFoL: ha. ok switching gears a bit here: i know you're a League Pass owner, and also don't really have a team of your own (feel free to correct me there). who do you get psyched about watching on league pass? any particular teams/players, or just your fantasy guys?
wkshoaf: Mostly just my fantasy guys. and the fantasy guys I'm playing against that week. Because of Al [Harrington] and [Wilson] Chandler, I've become a big knicks fan. did NOT see that coming.
TFoL: yeah that's bizarre. i live in new york and i don' t even know any knicks fans.
wkshoaf: d'antoni probably had something to do with it.
...[we discuss some trade offers Will made to other owners in the league]...
TFoL: are you finding yourself frustrated by many of the owners' indifference to their teams?
wkshoaf: I offered him any two of my players except camby, bynum or Paul in exchange for one of his bigs. he said to offer him again, but then he won't respond. So yes, I get frustrated. It's one thing to have a shitty team and make fun of it. but it's another to be shitty because you don't pay attention to your team and keep injured players in and then don't even read the fucking message board when other owners are making fun of you.
TFoL: ok so speaking of being angry at other owners: what do you hate most about your randomly generated rival, deyoung, and his team?
wkshoaf: Deyoung has a weird team. one week he sucks balls, and another he can put up more 3's than anyone in the league (against beb, so that's nice). But I guess the thing I hate the most is that when I killed him in week 4, I only beat him 6-2. I would have loved to 8-0 my RGR. so I hate him for winning 2 categories. His name is also gay, and he left Redd in after a season ending injury I hate those things too.
TFoL: fair enough
wkshoaf: and kobe is a rapist don't forget that.
TFoL: of course. any other owners/teams in the league that have attracted your hatred?
wkshoaf: I hate Screen with all my heart and soul. That's it.
TFoL: other than the sort of obvious superstars, is there any player on another team you'd really like to have on your roster?
wkshoaf: I'd love to have durant, and I hate that deuchey McScreen has him.
TFoL: i'm not sure that there is an official spelling on that word, but i'm quite sure that if there is, it isn't "deuchey"
wkshoaf: fair enough. deuchie?
TFoL: where is the e coming from?
wkshoaf: is it just duche?
TFoL: douche
wkshoaf: ahh. that looks better douche. yeah, I like that.
TFoL: this is gonna be great re-printed on the blog, really gonna get other people into the league.
wkshoaf: um...thanks?
TFoL: alright so anything else you'd like to say about your experience of the league so far this year? what's been your favorite aspect of cluj?
wkshoaf: every night, I have fantasy to follow on my computer while my wife watches The city or Real housewives of orange county or some shit. and when she goes to bed at 9:30, I always have 1 hour or so of amazing basketball to watch by myself. It's amazing. And bardey and I chat about our teams all day, constantly breaking the rule that "no one cares about your fantasy team except you." I congratulate Bardey when Mo goes off for 4 threes, and as soon as I sign on, he's there with the congratulatory chat about bynum's 4 blocks. If that's gay, I don't want to be straight. don't print that.
Full Name: William K Shoot
Originally From: Chesapeake, VA
Now Resides in: Austin, TX
Occupation: 6th-Grade Social Studies Teacher
Relationship Status: Imbrobably, Married to a seemingly normal girl
Current League Standing: 2nd place, 71-39-2
Humorous, Possibly Fictional, Anecdote: Once acquired an STD from a girl he (erroneously) thought he had screwed in the pooper
Team Name Rating: two and three-quarter stars
and now, our exclusive interview:
The Faculty of Letters: what's your favorite thing about your Browless Wonders?
wkshoaf: My first instinct is to say my man-love for Chris Paul, but i also love the maddening inconsistency of my namesake, Charlie V.
TFoL: you dig the up and down?
wkshoaf: as an owner? no. but it makes things more interesting. paul does well every game. you know what you're getting. The random guys throwing up the huge game makes me happier, beno getting 3 steals; charlie V getting 3 blocks, etc.
TFoL: right. has there been anyone who's consistently been a pleasant surprise for you? anyone you feel you got great value for in the draft or in a trade?
wkshoaf: I would say the biggest surprise has been Jason Terry, just putting up great numbers despite coming off the bench. Did NOT see that happening.
TFoL: yeah he pours em in from that 6th man spot. i actually just drafted him today in my kids' league
wkshoaf: nice. he's fun to have; very consistent but he makes you nervous because he never plays much in the first quarter. As far as the draft, I would say getting Hawes in round 12 was great in the beginning of the season. But I traded him to Dekker right before he got shitty. he carried my team for the first 4 weeks or so.
TFoL: who'd you get in that trade?
wkshoaf: beno [udrih].
TFoL: do you feel like you "won" that trade?
wkshoaf: ehh? I don't know. I've dropped beno once and picked him up again. he's just a backup PG because I traded away felton; that was dumb.
TFoL: what was that trade?
wkshoaf: I traded felton for charlie V because I wanted a backup big guy.
TFoL: that looks like a losing trade to me with the way felton's been playing. do you feel that way?
wkshoaf: felton has outplayed charlie V for most of the year, yes. recently, Charlie has been great, but that's because bogut got hurt and skiles started playing him but like I said, it's only been like 2 weeks. If Brad Miller is traded, then Hawes will start putting up big numbers again. and I will have officially lost both trades
TFoL: ha. ok switching gears a bit here: i know you're a League Pass owner, and also don't really have a team of your own (feel free to correct me there). who do you get psyched about watching on league pass? any particular teams/players, or just your fantasy guys?
wkshoaf: Mostly just my fantasy guys. and the fantasy guys I'm playing against that week. Because of Al [Harrington] and [Wilson] Chandler, I've become a big knicks fan. did NOT see that coming.
TFoL: yeah that's bizarre. i live in new york and i don' t even know any knicks fans.
wkshoaf: d'antoni probably had something to do with it.
...[we discuss some trade offers Will made to other owners in the league]...
TFoL: are you finding yourself frustrated by many of the owners' indifference to their teams?
wkshoaf: I offered him any two of my players except camby, bynum or Paul in exchange for one of his bigs. he said to offer him again, but then he won't respond. So yes, I get frustrated. It's one thing to have a shitty team and make fun of it. but it's another to be shitty because you don't pay attention to your team and keep injured players in and then don't even read the fucking message board when other owners are making fun of you.
TFoL: ok so speaking of being angry at other owners: what do you hate most about your randomly generated rival, deyoung, and his team?
wkshoaf: Deyoung has a weird team. one week he sucks balls, and another he can put up more 3's than anyone in the league (against beb, so that's nice). But I guess the thing I hate the most is that when I killed him in week 4, I only beat him 6-2. I would have loved to 8-0 my RGR. so I hate him for winning 2 categories. His name is also gay, and he left Redd in after a season ending injury I hate those things too.
TFoL: fair enough
wkshoaf: and kobe is a rapist don't forget that.
TFoL: of course. any other owners/teams in the league that have attracted your hatred?
wkshoaf: I hate Screen with all my heart and soul. That's it.
TFoL: other than the sort of obvious superstars, is there any player on another team you'd really like to have on your roster?
wkshoaf: I'd love to have durant, and I hate that deuchey McScreen has him.
TFoL: i'm not sure that there is an official spelling on that word, but i'm quite sure that if there is, it isn't "deuchey"
wkshoaf: fair enough. deuchie?
TFoL: where is the e coming from?
wkshoaf: is it just duche?
TFoL: douche
wkshoaf: ahh. that looks better douche. yeah, I like that.
TFoL: this is gonna be great re-printed on the blog, really gonna get other people into the league.
wkshoaf: um...thanks?
TFoL: alright so anything else you'd like to say about your experience of the league so far this year? what's been your favorite aspect of cluj?
wkshoaf: every night, I have fantasy to follow on my computer while my wife watches The city or Real housewives of orange county or some shit. and when she goes to bed at 9:30, I always have 1 hour or so of amazing basketball to watch by myself. It's amazing. And bardey and I chat about our teams all day, constantly breaking the rule that "no one cares about your fantasy team except you." I congratulate Bardey when Mo goes off for 4 threes, and as soon as I sign on, he's there with the congratulatory chat about bynum's 4 blocks. If that's gay, I don't want to be straight. don't print that.
2.02.2009
Week 14 in Review: Game Re-Caps
What you missed if you were only paying attention to your own game, you selfish prick.
Black Prezodents 5 (3pm/pts/reb/stl/blk),
Professor Dribbles 3 (fg%/ft%/ast)
I texted DeYoung last Sunday to advise him of Michael Redd's injury, so I was surprised to find the next day that Redd was still in the starting line-up. I was less surprised when I received the following text a few days later: "Fr: Deezer. Delivery period elapsed, message to 7034073504 deleted." Motherfucker can't manage a roster or a cell phone bill. I'm not sure Redd would have helped, though, as BP was led by a monstrous Antawn Jamison averaging 25 and 13. I guarantee at least 65 of his points looked awkward and at least 32 of his boards were off-balance. Dribbles came up biggest in the percentages, where he was probably helped by the absence of the free-shooting Redd and the sweet-shooting weeks of his other guards, Paul Pierce (51%), Kobe Bryant (52%) and Derrick Rose (60%!).
The Browless Wonders 5 (fg%/ft%/3pm/ast/blk),
Ghitza 3 (pts/reb/stl)
Jesus, Chris Paul is good. His per-game averages for Week 14: 2 threes, 27 points, 6 boards, 9 assists, 4 steals, and half a block. And tonight, as I write this, he's already into double-digit assists in the first half. [By the way, the Hornets announcing crew may be the worst in the league. This guy just cracked himself up by describing LaMarcus Aldridge as "LaMarcable."] If you're wondering how Dev managed to win any categories going up against numbers like that, look no further than Al Jefferson, who responded to an All-Star snubbing (note to coaches: David West is cool, but he's not having nearly the season Jefferson is) by dropping 115 points, 40 rebounds, and 11 blocks--almost half of Ghitza's total--over four games.
Snap Jelly Soldiers 7 (ft%/3pm/pts/reb/ast/stl/blk),
Working's fo Suckers 1 (fg%)
Steffens' Soldiers solidified their climb to the top of the standings this week by picking on league weakling Jesse Delconte (Italian: "from the cunt"). It's always good when you go into a match-up with the league leader starting a player (Zach Randolph) that hasn't played in several weeks. I spoke to Jesse at length this weekend about his inactivity in terms of team management, and he promised to devote a little more time to the league. He turned right around and started the exact same roster as last week again this week, and although Z-Bo is actually playing tonight (and playing well at that), I guarantee you that Jesse didn't know that. As for Snap Jelly, their cruise to victory was obviously spear-headed by LeBron, but the contributions of John Salmons (.491/.938/78/22/18/6/2) and Brook Lopez (.564/1.000/0/71/33/1/1/5) should not be overlooked.
Dominique Moceanu 5 (fg%/3pm/pts/reb/stl),
Great Oden's Raven 3 (ft%/ast/blk)
Kevin Martin is back for Billy, and he's back to scoring the way he was late last season (117 points in four games). None of the other Gymnasts even approached that in terms of scoring, but a triumvirate of Billy's boys were banging the boards, with 31, 34, and 43 rebounds for Amar'e Stoudamire, Jeff Green, and Troy Murphy, respectively. Bernier might have benefitted from starting his team's namesake, as starting Center Brad Miller missed a few games with an abdominal strain, and none of the other Ravenettes (besides D-Wade) were able to contribute much. I should also note that there were a shitload of 3's hit in this match-up. Bernier's 40 were second-best in the league, and Billy out-threed him by 13! Nice shooting, Dominique.
Fire Al Groh 6 (fg%/3pm/pts/reb/stl/blk),
Kill Whitey 2 (ft%/ast)
I got to spend some time with Dekker this weekend, and we discussed Cluj a bit. Despite the fact that he is my Randomly-Generated Rival, I have to say that I respect his adherence to his team ideal of straight crackers, even if it only got him two wins against what would seem to be a mediocre F.A.G squad (hey! never noticed those team initials before, but pretty aptly sums up my feelings on naming your NBA fantasy team after a college football coach). Then again, any of us would have had a hard time out-scoring or out-stealing Bardey this week, as his 630 points were tops in the league and 38 steals were tied for second. Where the fuck do TJ Ford and Mo Williams get off averaging 26 and 25 points a game?
Black Ice 2 (ft%/stl),
Screen Team 5 (fg%/3pm/pts/reb/ast)
Since his 0-16 start, Screen has been impressive in clawing his way up the standings to get himself into fourth, but there was nothing particularly impressive (other than his over-.500 field goal percentage) about this win over the hapless Black Ice squad. One Screen Teamer who has been lighting it up lately is Kevin Durant, who trailed only Kevin Martin in overall scoring last week. Reeves' team, meanwhile, is pretty historically awful, and when you add in that one of his top players, Shawn Marion, has missed 5 straight games and is somehow still in the line-up, it's impressive that they even managed to win 2 categories and tie a third. It might be time for Black Ice, DDS, to make more than the one transaction he's made all season long.
Here's the Best and Worst from Week 14:
Field Goal Percentage: Working's fo Suckers .532, Kill Whitey .425
Free Throw Percentage: Kill Whitey .874, Black Prezodents .735
3-Pointers Made: Dominique Moceanu 53, Professor Dribbles 11
Points: Fire Al Groh 630, Black Ice 327
Rebounds: Black Prezodents 214, Working's fo Suckers 121
Assists: Snap Jelly Soldiers 140, Black Ice 57
Steals: Ghitza 40, Kill Whitey 20
Blocks: Black Prezodents 31, Dominique Moceanu 8
and finally, the Match-Ups to look forward to in Week 15:
Black Prezodents (6th) vs. Snap Jelly Soldiers (1st)
Browless Wonders (2nd) vs. Professor Dribbles (11th) - RGR Match-Up
Ghitza (7th) vs. Screen Team (4th)
Dominique Moceanu (10th) vs. Working's fo Suckers (9th)
Fire Al Groh (3rd) vs. Great Oden's Raven (5th)
Black Ice (12th) vs. Kill Whitey (8th)
Good luck to all, except for Snap Jelly Soldiers, who gets a big Mortucci Tua!
Black Prezodents 5 (3pm/pts/reb/stl/blk),
Professor Dribbles 3 (fg%/ft%/ast)
I texted DeYoung last Sunday to advise him of Michael Redd's injury, so I was surprised to find the next day that Redd was still in the starting line-up. I was less surprised when I received the following text a few days later: "Fr: Deezer. Delivery period elapsed, message to 7034073504 deleted." Motherfucker can't manage a roster or a cell phone bill. I'm not sure Redd would have helped, though, as BP was led by a monstrous Antawn Jamison averaging 25 and 13. I guarantee at least 65 of his points looked awkward and at least 32 of his boards were off-balance. Dribbles came up biggest in the percentages, where he was probably helped by the absence of the free-shooting Redd and the sweet-shooting weeks of his other guards, Paul Pierce (51%), Kobe Bryant (52%) and Derrick Rose (60%!).
The Browless Wonders 5 (fg%/ft%/3pm/ast/blk),
Ghitza 3 (pts/reb/stl)
Jesus, Chris Paul is good. His per-game averages for Week 14: 2 threes, 27 points, 6 boards, 9 assists, 4 steals, and half a block. And tonight, as I write this, he's already into double-digit assists in the first half. [By the way, the Hornets announcing crew may be the worst in the league. This guy just cracked himself up by describing LaMarcus Aldridge as "LaMarcable."] If you're wondering how Dev managed to win any categories going up against numbers like that, look no further than Al Jefferson, who responded to an All-Star snubbing (note to coaches: David West is cool, but he's not having nearly the season Jefferson is) by dropping 115 points, 40 rebounds, and 11 blocks--almost half of Ghitza's total--over four games.
Snap Jelly Soldiers 7 (ft%/3pm/pts/reb/ast/stl/blk),
Working's fo Suckers 1 (fg%)
Steffens' Soldiers solidified their climb to the top of the standings this week by picking on league weakling Jesse Delconte (Italian: "from the cunt"). It's always good when you go into a match-up with the league leader starting a player (Zach Randolph) that hasn't played in several weeks. I spoke to Jesse at length this weekend about his inactivity in terms of team management, and he promised to devote a little more time to the league. He turned right around and started the exact same roster as last week again this week, and although Z-Bo is actually playing tonight (and playing well at that), I guarantee you that Jesse didn't know that. As for Snap Jelly, their cruise to victory was obviously spear-headed by LeBron, but the contributions of John Salmons (.491/.938/78/22/18/6/2) and Brook Lopez (.564/1.000/0/71/33/1/1/5) should not be overlooked.
Dominique Moceanu 5 (fg%/3pm/pts/reb/stl),
Great Oden's Raven 3 (ft%/ast/blk)
Kevin Martin is back for Billy, and he's back to scoring the way he was late last season (117 points in four games). None of the other Gymnasts even approached that in terms of scoring, but a triumvirate of Billy's boys were banging the boards, with 31, 34, and 43 rebounds for Amar'e Stoudamire, Jeff Green, and Troy Murphy, respectively. Bernier might have benefitted from starting his team's namesake, as starting Center Brad Miller missed a few games with an abdominal strain, and none of the other Ravenettes (besides D-Wade) were able to contribute much. I should also note that there were a shitload of 3's hit in this match-up. Bernier's 40 were second-best in the league, and Billy out-threed him by 13! Nice shooting, Dominique.
Fire Al Groh 6 (fg%/3pm/pts/reb/stl/blk),
Kill Whitey 2 (ft%/ast)
I got to spend some time with Dekker this weekend, and we discussed Cluj a bit. Despite the fact that he is my Randomly-Generated Rival, I have to say that I respect his adherence to his team ideal of straight crackers, even if it only got him two wins against what would seem to be a mediocre F.A.G squad (hey! never noticed those team initials before, but pretty aptly sums up my feelings on naming your NBA fantasy team after a college football coach). Then again, any of us would have had a hard time out-scoring or out-stealing Bardey this week, as his 630 points were tops in the league and 38 steals were tied for second. Where the fuck do TJ Ford and Mo Williams get off averaging 26 and 25 points a game?
Black Ice 2 (ft%/stl),
Screen Team 5 (fg%/3pm/pts/reb/ast)
Since his 0-16 start, Screen has been impressive in clawing his way up the standings to get himself into fourth, but there was nothing particularly impressive (other than his over-.500 field goal percentage) about this win over the hapless Black Ice squad. One Screen Teamer who has been lighting it up lately is Kevin Durant, who trailed only Kevin Martin in overall scoring last week. Reeves' team, meanwhile, is pretty historically awful, and when you add in that one of his top players, Shawn Marion, has missed 5 straight games and is somehow still in the line-up, it's impressive that they even managed to win 2 categories and tie a third. It might be time for Black Ice, DDS, to make more than the one transaction he's made all season long.
Here's the Best and Worst from Week 14:
Field Goal Percentage: Working's fo Suckers .532, Kill Whitey .425
Free Throw Percentage: Kill Whitey .874, Black Prezodents .735
3-Pointers Made: Dominique Moceanu 53, Professor Dribbles 11
Points: Fire Al Groh 630, Black Ice 327
Rebounds: Black Prezodents 214, Working's fo Suckers 121
Assists: Snap Jelly Soldiers 140, Black Ice 57
Steals: Ghitza 40, Kill Whitey 20
Blocks: Black Prezodents 31, Dominique Moceanu 8
and finally, the Match-Ups to look forward to in Week 15:
Black Prezodents (6th) vs. Snap Jelly Soldiers (1st)
Browless Wonders (2nd) vs. Professor Dribbles (11th) - RGR Match-Up
Ghitza (7th) vs. Screen Team (4th)
Dominique Moceanu (10th) vs. Working's fo Suckers (9th)
Fire Al Groh (3rd) vs. Great Oden's Raven (5th)
Black Ice (12th) vs. Kill Whitey (8th)
Good luck to all, except for Snap Jelly Soldiers, who gets a big Mortucci Tua!
Cluj Marketplace / This Week in League Pass
Each Sunday, I'll highlight some of the league's transactions and look forward to the coming week's NBA schedule.
Last week's pick-ups to keep an eye on this week:
Screen continued to dominate the transaction scene, grabbing a number of interchangeable swingmen including Kelenna Azubuike, who he immediately dropped for Mickael Pietrus. Both these dudes were on the Warriors last year, and both have weird names, so I'm going to assume that he just got confused. For good measure, he picked up Raja Bell as well to really get a lock on black 2-guards with foreign-sounding names. Can someone trade Leandro Barbosa to this guy?
Speaking of useless guards, ex-Black Prez Mike Conley may have shed that label with the new Grizzlies coach apparently favoring him as the starter, and DeYoung has grabbed him hoping that translates into a bump in stats. Jonathans must think alike, because Bardey also grabbed a point guard (Rafer Alston) this week, presumably preferring his assists to Roger Mason's 3s. But with 7-point, 8-point, and 2-point efforts since his pick-up, he doesn't appear to be playable yet. Also notable on Bardey's roster is Monta Ellis's return (at long last) from a mo-ped injury, leading to a potentially crowded Fire Al Groh backcourt.
What I'll be watching this week on League Pass:
Monday: Blazers vs. Hornets. Portland is my go-to on any given night without a marquee match-up, and I'll always watch Chris Paul.
Tuesday: Raptors vs. Cavs. Two teams I've had relatively no interest in this season, but I just drafted LeBron and Bosh in the fantasy league I started with my students.
Wednesday: Nuggets vs. Thunder. I like this year's Nuggets, even beyond my fantasy guys, and I admit to being intrigued by the Thunder and Kevin Durant, who I have pretty much hated on since his Texas days but am starting to re-consider.
Thursday: Lakers vs. Celtics. Only three games happening, so might as well go with the classic match-up.
Friday: Hawks vs. Bobcats. The Hawks just missed my Power Rankings, and the Bobcats were #3.
Saturday: Step Outside. I don't like any of these games. Might have to leave the house. Ugh.
Sunday: Suns vs. Pistons. Kobe-LeBron is on earlier in the day (think the NBA schedulers realized that this was the first post-football Sunday?) but I'm more interested in seeing which of these two teams is going down in flames faster.
Last week's pick-ups to keep an eye on this week:
Screen continued to dominate the transaction scene, grabbing a number of interchangeable swingmen including Kelenna Azubuike, who he immediately dropped for Mickael Pietrus. Both these dudes were on the Warriors last year, and both have weird names, so I'm going to assume that he just got confused. For good measure, he picked up Raja Bell as well to really get a lock on black 2-guards with foreign-sounding names. Can someone trade Leandro Barbosa to this guy?
Speaking of useless guards, ex-Black Prez Mike Conley may have shed that label with the new Grizzlies coach apparently favoring him as the starter, and DeYoung has grabbed him hoping that translates into a bump in stats. Jonathans must think alike, because Bardey also grabbed a point guard (Rafer Alston) this week, presumably preferring his assists to Roger Mason's 3s. But with 7-point, 8-point, and 2-point efforts since his pick-up, he doesn't appear to be playable yet. Also notable on Bardey's roster is Monta Ellis's return (at long last) from a mo-ped injury, leading to a potentially crowded Fire Al Groh backcourt.
What I'll be watching this week on League Pass:
Monday: Blazers vs. Hornets. Portland is my go-to on any given night without a marquee match-up, and I'll always watch Chris Paul.
Tuesday: Raptors vs. Cavs. Two teams I've had relatively no interest in this season, but I just drafted LeBron and Bosh in the fantasy league I started with my students.
Wednesday: Nuggets vs. Thunder. I like this year's Nuggets, even beyond my fantasy guys, and I admit to being intrigued by the Thunder and Kevin Durant, who I have pretty much hated on since his Texas days but am starting to re-consider.
Thursday: Lakers vs. Celtics. Only three games happening, so might as well go with the classic match-up.
Friday: Hawks vs. Bobcats. The Hawks just missed my Power Rankings, and the Bobcats were #3.
Saturday: Step Outside. I don't like any of these games. Might have to leave the house. Ugh.
Sunday: Suns vs. Pistons. Kobe-LeBron is on earlier in the day (think the NBA schedulers realized that this was the first post-football Sunday?) but I'm more interested in seeing which of these two teams is going down in flames faster.
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