Saturday Night Live

All-Star Weekend's Saturday night is vastly superior to the actual game. A few thoughts:

*I missed HORSE, but I suspect it was awesome, if only because it was brought to us by GEICO. Never forget how fucking funny Tiny House was the first 50 times you saw it.


* Every time Thunder Dan doesn't win the 3ball competition, or whatever it's called these days, a little part of Bardey dies.

*Fortunately, every time Thunder Dan merely appears on television, a larger part of Bardey lives.

*I like Derrick Rose, even though he plays for the Bulls, about whom I feel the same way I feel about the homeless guy in the stairwell at the Prospect Park station on the F train (outwardly sympathetic, but inwardly angry and disgusted). But despite my personal affection for him and the rest of last year's Tigers squad (RIP, CD-R), his performance in the skills competition/reaction upon winning was why people hate professional athletes. You're 20! You're making millions of dollars! You're at the All-Star game! You just won the fucking competition! Smile and laugh, you dumb fuck!

*This year's 3-point Shootout was the worst I can remember seeing, if not the worst ever. But Reggie Miller calling out Roger Mason, Jr. for having ashy legs, and suggesting that he get some Jergen's, was the 2nd-funniest comment of the evening.

*Chris Tucker has really let himself go.

*I like the fact that the dunk contest judges aren't the same guys they always are, but they're still afraid to give anything less than an 8, and still give 10s way too easily. Next year's judges should be: Me, Cedric Ceballos (who was scheduled to be the subject of a "This Week in Black Prezodential History" and magically showed up as an actual dunk contest judge), Lil' Mama from America's Best Dance Crew, Fred Armisen, and Barack Obama.

*The funniest comment of the night came from Kenny Smith, reacting to the decision by Rudy Fernandez to use Pau Gasol as his passing partner, and have him toss it behind-the-back off the backboard: "This just shows the amateurism of..." [long pause while Kenny considers finishing the sentence with "...Fernandez," "...an NBA rookie," "...a first-time dunk competitor," "...a fan-selected dunker," and finally settles on] "...Spain."

*Dwight Howard needs to get over the whole Superman thing.

*Even on the 12-foot rim, a trick of some kind, if only a tomahawk or something basic, is necessary.

*The ideal: put the 10-footer and the 12-footer side-by-side. Start at the sideline, and dunk a ball on the 10-footer on your way up to dunk on the 12-footer. Not impossible, I don't think.

*This year's contest was nowhere near last year's. The Birthday Cake still hasn't gotten the respect it deserves. Peep the view from behind the backboard.


*If Lebron follows through on his promise to compete in 2010, I will officially stop hating him. If he doesn't, I will officially hate him forever, even if he comes to the Nets, and even if they come to Brooklyn.