What you missed if you were only paying attention to your own game, you selfish prick.
I'm writing this while watching Celts-Nuggets, so you'll excuse me if I break into an occasional "Rondoooooooooo!" Also, considering that I'm planning on watching the Nuggets at least twice this week, I wish I'd started Kenyon Martin. If I am ever a nationally-known bloggist, I will promote "GT" as a nickname for Kenyon, standing for "Gangsta Tourette's." By the way, having also been the long-time home of Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf, I have to ask: what makes Denver so Tourette's-friendly? Is there something about the clean mountain air that cools out those tics and spasms a little bit? Bernier, you're a scientist. Why not research something like this that's actually worth a damn?
Anyways, games...
-JR Smith is hustling out there! Just almost had a sick tip-in that he turned into a kick-out. Rondino doing a lot, but maybe trying to do too much.-
-Local sideline reporter: "The Nuggets have gone skipped past the frustration stage and gone straight to anger."-
-I can't blog. There is 100% going to be a fight here. Kenyon Martin just body-checked Ray Allen.-
Oh thank god, halftime. Okay games for real now.
Great Oden's Raven 5 (ft%/3pm/pts/ast/stl)
Kill Whitey 3 (fg%/reb/blk)
What do you get when you pit a team full of whities against a team with Billups, Wade, and Westbrook? A shitload of assists, that's what. Only one team in the league had more assist than Dekker's this week, but that was his opponent. Tough luck, cracker. The Ravenettes were dishin' and dishin' and scorin' and scorin', as they also led the league in points scored - 617, which is a lot. Now that I look at it, G.O.R. also led the league in field goal percentage. And 3's. Wow, Beb, nice week. Might make sense to make a trade that would sacrifice a few of those huge leads for some of your weaker categories, I would think.
Working's fo Suckers 6 (ft%/3pm/pts/ast/stl/blk)
Black Ice 2 (fg%/reb)
This looks about right for these two teams. 16 total stat categories, and half of those in among the worst 3 in the league for Week 17. Jesse's team was bad, but Reeves' was really bad. He did give us a nice, long chance to say farewell to Elton Brand and Tracy McGrady for the season, though. I wonder if he kept them in this long as a nod of solidarity to his fellow cellar-dweller. Thank God, these two teams will never meet again. (And I do mean never. Not this year. Not next year. Never.)
Professor Dribbles 4 (ft%/reb/ast/blk)
Screen Team 4 (fg%/3pm/pts/stl)
These two have quietly become like a Ballstonian version of Will and Bardey, keeping up chatty conversations on the smackboards all week, congratulating each other on their shared waiver wire pickups and thanking each other for tips here and there. It's a big mutual dick-sucking society in this league and it makes me sick. So it's appropriate, I guess, that these two roomies would tie. Isn't that sweet? That way, it's like you both win! Pretty milquetoast performances, too, though those might owe something to starting Boozer and Garnett, who played about half of one game between them.
-the "Altitude" commentators from Denver local TV just got super-gay talking about Kendrick Perkins rippling physique. It was pretty fantastic.-
Snap Jelly Soldiers 5 (fg%/ft%/3pm/pts/blk)
Fear the Turtle 3 (reb/ast/stl)
Whew! 3-5 seems pretty good for a bottom-half team taking on the current leaders, but this one was a close call for Dev in multiple categories. Five steals (24-19) is a reasonably significant difference, but three assists (82-79) and two rebounds (181-179) could come down to a scorer deciding a shot came a second too late to call it assisted or giving a two-man rebound to one guy and not the other. Still, wins are wins, especially at this point as the season winds down and we come closer to the playoffs. Then again, this game might say more about the front-runner than it does about Dev, who was, after all, amongst the bottom quarter of the league in five categories this week. And still only a 5-3 victory for Snap Jelly? Is this a sign of weakness by the Soldiers? Time will tell.
The Browless Wonders 4 (fg%/reb/ast/blk)
Dominique Moceanu 4 (ft%/3pm/pts/stl)
You can't be proud of winning blocks with eight, and yet I'm somehow sure that Will is. The highest field goal percentage in this match-up came from a guard (Chris Paul), which might be explained by the fact that both teams were disgustingly three-happy. That's right, this was a contest of chuckers, and just like a real game where the teams are content to stay outside and hurl deep bombs, nothing particularly exciting happened. Billy should probably be embarrassed that he only split the game after Will had two players drop 0-fers on the week, but having discussed his feelings for his team with him at length over the past week, I'm fairly confident that he's happy to get any wins at all. Shouldn't be too much more of that with Amar'e out. Sorry man, I'm a dick.
Fire Al Groh 6 (3pm/pts/reb/ast/stl/blk)
Black Prezodents 2 (fg%/ft%)
Ugh. I feel like a Black Ice-type team winning nothing but percentages, but with Kill Whitey nipping at my heels for that final playoff position, it'll have to do. Not a single volume stat win is lame, but the Prezbos did lose our key player, Danny Granger, this week, and still finished within a handful of rebounds and assists, so I'm somewhat proud. Then again, Granger is as big a chucker as anyone on the last two teams, so his presence would almost certainly have destroyed that thousandth-of-a-point lead in field goal percentage and brought me right back to 6-2 or worse. I'm trying to find something to get excited about and failing here... Hold me, Lamar... It's so cold... So cold.
Here's the Best and Worst from Week 17:
Field Goal Percentage: Screen Team .525, Fear the Turtle .430
Free Throw Percentage: Great Oden's Raven .853, Fire Al Groh .699
Three-Pointers Made: Great Oden's Raven 56, Professor Dribbles 14
Points: Great Oden's Raven 617, Black Ice 320
Rebounds: Fire Al Groh 199, Working's for Suckers 130
Assists: Great Oden's Raven 135, Black Ice 55
Steals: Fire Al Groh 42, Kill Whitey 18
Blocks: Fire Al Groh 36, Dominique Moceanu 4
And finally, the match-ups for Week 18:
Black Prezodents (6th) vs. Black Ice (12th)
The Browless Wonders (3rd) vs. Fire Al Groh (2nd)
Fear the Turtle (8th) vs. Dominique Moceanu (10th)
Professor Dribbles (9th) vs. Snap Jelly Soldiers (1st)
Kill Whitey (7th) vs. Working's for Suckers (11th)
Great Oden's Raven (5th) vs. Screen Team (4th) - Is this an RGR-game? I can't remember.
Good luck to all this week, except for Reeves, who totally rested his hand against the glass in the Great Hand-Raising Contest of '98. Fancy fucking ketchup, man.
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I feel as though there is a little too much love for our commish here. Yes, he dedicates himself to cluj, yes he blogs consistently and insightfully, yes clujufba.blogspot is now my number 3 go to website in the morning ... But is no one else willing to discuss the questionable non-trade? It threatens the very integrity of the league.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think I may be more disgusted with Billy. Here I am, dealing with a bunch of medicore to terrible whities/spaniards and I've managed to at least stay in the playoff race. Billy on the other hand is all but mathematically eliminated. And he has the heart to say "Don't worry Sovic, I'll let you cancel the trade out of the goodness of my heart because I like you and want to see your team make the playoffs." Would have done it had he been the 6 seed hanging on? We'll never know ...
ReplyDeletethoughts? i really just want a solid debate to keep me from my job today.
ReplyDeletedekker, i agree this was a somewhat questionable move. i think the move itself is reasonable. if i were billy i would probably have done the same, but maybe i would have put it to a league vote since it has clear playoff implications. will and i discussed it briefly, but mostly i decided to let it go cause everyone already thinks i'm a dick and its just fantasy bball. it's a tough call, will made the analogy that it was like a real trade where the player failed the physical, but i'm not sure that it's really the same thing.
ReplyDeleteIn some ways, I agree that billy has the right to cancel the trade...even though it's something that can only be done with "commish powers." I guess I would have liked a bit more transparency on the issue (like beb said, maybe a vote). If I were Dekker, I'd be fucking pissed too (since he's really the only one who's getting screwed). Technically, sovic used commish powers to do something that ordinarily wouldn't be allowed just because Billy felt bad about it and he's out of the playoff race. Even though I'm pretty sure Billy offering to rescind the trade was the right thing to do, I understand where Dekker is coming from.
ReplyDeleteOne more thought: if this was uber, and the same situation happened (with me as commish and Sovic getting screwed like Dekker), Sovic would have reamed me in a 5,000 word email that used a bunch of words that I wouldn't have understood. Then he would have threatened to leave the league if we decided to have keepers or if we were staying with CBS. Wait...he does those things anyway.
ReplyDelete"Transparency will be the touchstone of this presidency." - Barack Hussein Obama
ReplyDeleteApparently not the touchstone of Cluj or the Hated Black Prez. Sovic, maybe you need a new role model. Billy, you too.
we are a team of Black Prezodents, and we existed before the black President. he is not our role model; more likely, we are his. we make no guarantees of transparency, nor do we consult our constituency on every issue. in fact, we are characterized by obscurity and tyrannical decision-making. when lamar skies for a board, does he first check with his opponent to see if he minds? no, he throws a 'bow in their gut and his hands in the air. when granger sees a lane to the basket, does he even remotely consider looking for some chump like mike dunleavy or troy murphy? no, he barrels into the lane despite being triple-covered with an open shooter behind the line. we are the Black Prezodents, and we will run the league as we see fit.
ReplyDeletein a more serious, satisfactory response to this issue: billy and i made a trade, and then billy graciously took it back when one of the players turned out to be injured. unfortunately at that point we couldn't cancel the trade, but there would have been nothing to stop us from simply trading the players back once it had been processed, which is what we would have done. i simplified that procedure by altering the rosters myself. either way, it was our decision and perfectly within our rights as owners to do. i suppose you can make the argument that if we had re-traded, you all would have had the opportunity to vote down that trade, but i have serious and well-founded doubts that anyone other than dekker would have done so. the processing of that re-trade would have taken a few days, so it's true that i would have been saddled with amar'e for a week, but i'm playing black ice this week so i'd be surprised if it would have made a difference. perhaps i'll dedicate next week's 'charts & figgers' to answering that question.
Sovic, nice response. However, Granger isn't driving down any lanes at this moment. He's crippled.
ReplyDeleteWill
Anonymous is Screen team.
ReplyDeleteI don't have much to add to failed trade fervor.
worst...comment...ever.
ReplyDeletestill getting the hang of it, i see. but hey, it's a comment. i'll take it.
ReplyDeleteSovic, another big trade. Maybe this one will go through. I'm excited.
ReplyDeleteThat trade is ridiculous. Working's fo suckers is bagging it in. Once Biedrins is healthy he is a rebound machine.
ReplyDelete