Week 21 Review: Game Re-Caps

What you missed if you were only paying attention to your own game, you selfish prick.

The last week of the regular season seemed to be nearly irrelevant, with all of the playoff spots already decided and the seedings seemingly locked in. Yet a strange combination of results showed that it truly ain't over 'til it's over. Let's take a look...

Black Prezodents 6 (fg%/3pm/pts/reb/ast/blk)
Working's fo Suckers 1 (ft%)
In his first week back for the Prezbos after a lengthy layoff, Danny Granger was not nearly as spectacular as he had been earlier in the season. But the presence of their leader seemed to fire up the rest of the squad, who led the league in boards and assists and finished in the top three in three other categories despite getting nothing from Rasheed Wallace all week. Having watched Granger, Antawn Jamison, Rajon Rondo, and Lamar Odom all spearhead the team at various times during the season, Ol' Man River Antonio McDyess decided in Week 21 that it was his turn to re-live his glory days with the Nuggets. Inspired by my recent craps post, the man known as "Dice" averaged 16 points and 15 boards this week, as well as blocking six shots.
Of note: The Prezbos and Suckers tied at 23 steals, which was the total for five Cluj teams this week.

The Browless Wonders 7 (fg%/ft%/pts/reb/ast/stl/blk)
Great Oden's Raven 1 (3pm)
This was one of the most shocking results of the week, and the one that had the greatest playoff seeding impact. After Week 20, Bardey was well ahead of Shoaf in the standings, and with Will taking on the normally strong G.O.R. team, One Down... had every reason to believe they'd hold on to a 1st-round playoff bye. The real question was whether Beb could surpass Shoaf in the rankings to gain home-court advantage, which means absolutely nothing in the realm of fantasy sports. Instead, the Ravenettes absolutely laid an egg, allowing the Wonders to slide past One Down... into the Bye position. When pressed for a reason for this collapse, Bernier complained of "injuries, injuries, injuries," but from what I can see the Great Oden starters only missed two games due to injury, pretty standard for any given week in the life of a Cluj team. To me it just looked like these guys shit the bed. 37 points for Chauncey Billups? 11 boards for Rashard Lewis? 2 threes for Dwyane Wade? That's just pussy shit. Meanwhile, the Browless ones were amongst the top two in the league in five different categories. That's how you enter the playoffs on a good note. Hopefully those guys will spend the next week cooling off

Kill Whitey 5 (fg%/ft%/pts/reb/ast)
Fear the Turtle 3 (3pm/stl/blk)
If Dev is looking for a silver lining to the cloud of his Week 20 defeat, he can take solace in the fact that he was taken down by one of his own. No, I'm not referring to an Indian NBA phenom (we haven't gotten that international yet), but rather the performance of former Terp Steve Blake, who led the Whiteys in threes (13) and assists (27), two categories that the Turtles lost. Blake also led the team in steals (5), free throw percentage (1.000), and was third in points (60). For the team that won. Steve Blake. This should give you a good idea as to the quality of these two teams. Enjoy the consolation bracket!

Black Ice 4 (fg%/3pm/ast/blk)
Professor Dribbles 3 (ft%/pts/reb)
I've been giving Black Ice shit all season for being an absentee owner, and recently for being an active owner making utterly pointless moves, but I have to give him credit for his first win since Week 2. How did Dribbles manage to lose to a team that was still in the bottom fourth of the league in five different categories? I'm not sure. It doesn't actually seem mathematically possible to me. But it happened. I think it's safe to say that both teams suck.

Snap Jelly Soldiers 6 (fg%/ft%/pts/reb/ast/stl)
One Down... One to Go 2 (3pm/blk)
This was the other game with major playoff ramifications, and a few more rebounds out of the One Down crew might have saved Bardey a tough first-round match-up against the Prezodents, but his guys just couldn't get it done. Though they ended the season only separated by 6 wins, this game showed the level of difference between Snap Jelly and the other top teams in the league. ODOTG only had "bad" weeks in two categories (ft% and steals), but when the Soldiers come out with top-3 performances in free throw percentage, points, assists, steals, and blocks, note being bad is not nearly good enough. As long as there is someone to back up LeBron, Steffens is hard to beat, and this week it was Gerald Wallace, who averaged 21 points, 8 boards, 5 assists, 2 steals, and 1.5 blocks.

Screen Team 7 (fg%/ft%/pts/reb/ast/stl/blk)
Dominique Moceanu 1 (3pm)
Though I owe Billy some for his fair and honest actions in our aborted trade earlier this season, I would be remiss in my role as commissioner/commentator if I did not call him to task for his performance this week. Devin Harris, Allen Iverson, and Peja Stojakovic. Not one minute played between them this week, and yet all three started for the Moceanu squad. Shameful. You know what else is shameful? The fact that a team without Harris, Iverson and Stojakovic could still win three-pointers. Seriously, Screen? This is the team you're taking to the Playoffs? A team starting Andres Nocioni and Dominic McGuire? Will Renaldo Balkman be winning a championship this year? I don't think so. Enjoy the 7-1 victory, Andy, I suspect it'll be your last.

Here are your Week 21 Highs and Lows:
Field Goal Percentage: Kill Whitey .514, Working's fo Suckers .419
Free Throw Percentage: Snap Jelly Soldiers .838, One Down... One to Go .671
3-Pointers Made: One Down... One to Go 38, Browless Wonders 15
Points: Snap Jelly Soldiers 627, Black Ice 318
Rebounds: Black Prezodents 229, Dominique Moceanu 114
Assists: Black Prezodents 144, Dominique Moceanu 57
Steals: Browless Wonders 44, Kill Whitey 12
Blocks: One Down... One to Go 34, Dominique Moceanu 8

And so the regular season comes to a close. Congratulations to Adam Steffens and the Snap Jelly Soldiers, who have won the regular season and secured themselves some money (I can't remember how much and don't feel like looking back right now). I had not previously realized it, but there is apparently a consolation bracket to our Playoffs, so even those of you with atrocious teams will get to continue playing, while the top two finishers (Snap Jelly and Browless) enjoy a week off. Here are the match-ups for Week 22:
Playoffs:
(3) One Down... One to Go vs. (6) Black Prezodents
(4) Great Oden's Raven vs. (5) Screen Team
Consolation:
(9) Workin's fo Suckers vs. (12) Black Ice
(10) Professor Dribbles vs. (11) Dominique Moceanu

Good luck to all except Bardey, who could win this whole league and still not make back the money he lost on the tables a few weeks ago is a real pussy if he can't even step up 3 miles in 6 months.