In football, I'll always have the 'Skins. In baseball, I've got no choice but to support the Nats. College athletics are for suckers and lame-o's. But NBA fandom is blessedly fluid. Every Thursday, I'll rank the top 5 teams I look forward to watching on League Pass, and why.
Since there aren't always great changes in my LP Power Ranking from week to week, and since I can't think of new stuff to say about the Blazers, Hawks, and Bobcats every week, I figured this week I'd make a brief departure and give my bottom 5 teams that I least look forward to watching, and why.
26. Detroit Pistons
As recently as the start of this season, these guys were definite candidates for the top 5. Rasheed is still (nominally) my favorite player in the league, although Rondo and Odom are nipping at his heels. McDyess has been a solid, if unspectacular, addition to the Black Prez; and I've been down with Rip since his Wiz-kids days. But damn, does this team play some ugly, uninspired ball. I try to watch, I really do. But 'Sheed is clearly on his last legs of usefulness before he becomes the greatest commentator of all time, and Michael Curry is just doing an atrocious job of coaching these guys. I don't think the Chauncey-for-AI trade is entirely to blame, but at the same time, I haven't been entertained by these guys since it happened.
27. New Jersey Nets
One of the many benefits of living in the NYC area is that we've got two local sports teams in every sport, and in general every local game appears in HD. The Knicks and Nets both have their own channel, meaning that I have the oppportunity to watch some high-def basketball on a nearly nightly basis. But that hasn't brought me any closer to watching any Nets games this year. Part of this is institutional: there isn't a worse name and uniform in the league than the Nets. Seriously, Nets? That's the best you can come up with? It's not even the best part of the basket: how much cooler would the Jersey Hoops be? And the color scheme: say what you will about the Wizards' ridiculous gold lame' outfits, at least they're trying to show some excitement. The predominant color in the Nets unis is boring-ass gray. Beyond these lame franchise traits, the Nets themselves are just entirely uninteresting to me. Devin Harris is a seriously legit scorer (and if you didn't see that half-court buzzer-beater, for god's sake check it out), but he's got the kind of silky-smooth, powerless game that bores me to tears. Vince Carter is having a great season, but he set the bar so high for himself early in his career that no one will ever love him again. And beyond that, I'm not sure I can even name a player besides Yi Jianlian, who would be of absolutely no interest, and maybe not even in the league, if he wasn't Chinese. I give props to Lopez, and if they ever pull of the move to Brooklyn I'll love them eternally, but until then I fucking hate the Nets.
28. Chicago Bulls
Pretty shortly after I reached the age of being able to make decisions for myself, I started hating Jordan and his inescapable dominance. By extension, I detested the Bulls (minus Pippen), and that feeling never really went away. On top of that, Chi-Town has featured a revolving door of shitty, personality-less players ever since. I thought that with the drafting of Derrick Rose, I might start to have some love for the Windy City again, but I was really disappointed with his joyless performance on All-Star weekend, proving that even the coolest of young ballers can be ruined by living in the same city as Dekker.
29. Dallas Mavericks
I'm not sure what happened here. I used to love these guys, and last year when I had Josh Howard on my fantasy squad, I watched them whenever possible. But this year I just fucking can't get psyched about them at all. I love the NBA for its players, and the stories and narratives that get built up around them, even when they are totally creations of the fans (or just me) and have no real relation to their actual selves. A few years ago, the Dirk Nowitzki story was one of my favorites, but somehow it seems like the story ended in those Finals they lost to the Heat, and yet he keeps playing. Dirk: the story's over, dude. Close the book and go to bed.
Oh, also, Jason Kidd is a fucking piece of shit.
30. Milwaukee Bucks
There is never, ever, any good reason to watch the Milwaukee Bucks. Ever.
2.27.2009
This Week in Black Prezodential History
Though it's been going strong for the past few years, and has been strengthened tenfold by my involvement in fantasy and especially the Cluj, my prior enthusiasm in the NBA has been one of fits and starts. I've also gone through different stages of awareness/interest: whereas nowadays my fantasy team and League Pass access make league-wide fandom possible, I started (like so many of us) as a mere superstar follower (Jordan/'Nique/Ewing in my youth). In high school, the DeYoung and Associates' quarter-season ticket package and Home Team Sports made me a Bullets fan. In college, I was an NBA playoffs guy: not only was it the era of some exciting post-season teams (the Webber-Vlade-White Chocolate Kings, the Shaq-Kobe Lakers, my beloved Pippen-Sabonis-Grant Blazers), but also the playoffs always coincided with final exams, giving me the perfect excuse to stop studying. Had I been blogging a Playoff Power Rankings back in those days, one of the most random appearances would have been the 2000-2001 Toronto Raptors. I certainly have no Toronto connection, and even then I recognized that adopting the Raptor as a mascot, seemingly due only to the popularity of Jurassic Park, was a totally ridiculous move. But consider: Vince Carter was at the height of his dunking, half-man-half-amazing powers. Tracy McGrady was young, innocent, and had not yet revealed that his legs are made of porcelain. Antonio Davis exemplified the sleepy-eyed cool that later came to characterize the Black Prezodents. Yet of all these stars, it was a role player that rose to the position of a true BP. His stats were wildly unimpressive. His energy was unmatchable. His mustache was incredibly thin. In a four-game playoff series that signaled the death of the Knicks (back in the best-of-5 days), and a truly classic seven-game series against the eventual Eastern champ 76ers, he established himself as a true great, worthy of his shared nickname with one of the greatest wrestlers of all time.
The Junkyard Dog, Jerome Williams, our 23rd Black Prezodent.
By the way, this guy is like the Jimmy Carter of Black Prezodents, doing more good in his post-Prezodential career than he ever did while in office. Check out this blog of his experience as an ambassador of the NBA in Africa. Good shit.
The Junkyard Dog, Jerome Williams, our 23rd Black Prezodent.By the way, this guy is like the Jimmy Carter of Black Prezodents, doing more good in his post-Prezodential career than he ever did while in office. Check out this blog of his experience as an ambassador of the NBA in Africa. Good shit.
2.23.2009
Week 17 in Review: Game Re-Caps
What you missed if you were only paying attention to your own game, you selfish prick.
I'm writing this while watching Celts-Nuggets, so you'll excuse me if I break into an occasional "Rondoooooooooo!" Also, considering that I'm planning on watching the Nuggets at least twice this week, I wish I'd started Kenyon Martin. If I am ever a nationally-known bloggist, I will promote "GT" as a nickname for Kenyon, standing for "Gangsta Tourette's." By the way, having also been the long-time home of Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf, I have to ask: what makes Denver so Tourette's-friendly? Is there something about the clean mountain air that cools out those tics and spasms a little bit? Bernier, you're a scientist. Why not research something like this that's actually worth a damn?
Anyways, games...
-JR Smith is hustling out there! Just almost had a sick tip-in that he turned into a kick-out. Rondino doing a lot, but maybe trying to do too much.-
-Local sideline reporter: "The Nuggets have gone skipped past the frustration stage and gone straight to anger."-
-I can't blog. There is 100% going to be a fight here. Kenyon Martin just body-checked Ray Allen.-
Oh thank god, halftime. Okay games for real now.
Great Oden's Raven 5 (ft%/3pm/pts/ast/stl)
Kill Whitey 3 (fg%/reb/blk)
What do you get when you pit a team full of whities against a team with Billups, Wade, and Westbrook? A shitload of assists, that's what. Only one team in the league had more assist than Dekker's this week, but that was his opponent. Tough luck, cracker. The Ravenettes were dishin' and dishin' and scorin' and scorin', as they also led the league in points scored - 617, which is a lot. Now that I look at it, G.O.R. also led the league in field goal percentage. And 3's. Wow, Beb, nice week. Might make sense to make a trade that would sacrifice a few of those huge leads for some of your weaker categories, I would think.
Working's fo Suckers 6 (ft%/3pm/pts/ast/stl/blk)
Black Ice 2 (fg%/reb)
This looks about right for these two teams. 16 total stat categories, and half of those in among the worst 3 in the league for Week 17. Jesse's team was bad, but Reeves' was really bad. He did give us a nice, long chance to say farewell to Elton Brand and Tracy McGrady for the season, though. I wonder if he kept them in this long as a nod of solidarity to his fellow cellar-dweller. Thank God, these two teams will never meet again. (And I do mean never. Not this year. Not next year. Never.)
Professor Dribbles 4 (ft%/reb/ast/blk)
Screen Team 4 (fg%/3pm/pts/stl)
These two have quietly become like a Ballstonian version of Will and Bardey, keeping up chatty conversations on the smackboards all week, congratulating each other on their shared waiver wire pickups and thanking each other for tips here and there. It's a big mutual dick-sucking society in this league and it makes me sick. So it's appropriate, I guess, that these two roomies would tie. Isn't that sweet? That way, it's like you both win! Pretty milquetoast performances, too, though those might owe something to starting Boozer and Garnett, who played about half of one game between them.
-the "Altitude" commentators from Denver local TV just got super-gay talking about Kendrick Perkins rippling physique. It was pretty fantastic.-
Snap Jelly Soldiers 5 (fg%/ft%/3pm/pts/blk)
Fear the Turtle 3 (reb/ast/stl)
Whew! 3-5 seems pretty good for a bottom-half team taking on the current leaders, but this one was a close call for Dev in multiple categories. Five steals (24-19) is a reasonably significant difference, but three assists (82-79) and two rebounds (181-179) could come down to a scorer deciding a shot came a second too late to call it assisted or giving a two-man rebound to one guy and not the other. Still, wins are wins, especially at this point as the season winds down and we come closer to the playoffs. Then again, this game might say more about the front-runner than it does about Dev, who was, after all, amongst the bottom quarter of the league in five categories this week. And still only a 5-3 victory for Snap Jelly? Is this a sign of weakness by the Soldiers? Time will tell.
The Browless Wonders 4 (fg%/reb/ast/blk)
Dominique Moceanu 4 (ft%/3pm/pts/stl)
You can't be proud of winning blocks with eight, and yet I'm somehow sure that Will is. The highest field goal percentage in this match-up came from a guard (Chris Paul), which might be explained by the fact that both teams were disgustingly three-happy. That's right, this was a contest of chuckers, and just like a real game where the teams are content to stay outside and hurl deep bombs, nothing particularly exciting happened. Billy should probably be embarrassed that he only split the game after Will had two players drop 0-fers on the week, but having discussed his feelings for his team with him at length over the past week, I'm fairly confident that he's happy to get any wins at all. Shouldn't be too much more of that with Amar'e out. Sorry man, I'm a dick.
Fire Al Groh 6 (3pm/pts/reb/ast/stl/blk)
Black Prezodents 2 (fg%/ft%)
Ugh. I feel like a Black Ice-type team winning nothing but percentages, but with Kill Whitey nipping at my heels for that final playoff position, it'll have to do. Not a single volume stat win is lame, but the Prezbos did lose our key player, Danny Granger, this week, and still finished within a handful of rebounds and assists, so I'm somewhat proud. Then again, Granger is as big a chucker as anyone on the last two teams, so his presence would almost certainly have destroyed that thousandth-of-a-point lead in field goal percentage and brought me right back to 6-2 or worse. I'm trying to find something to get excited about and failing here... Hold me, Lamar... It's so cold... So cold.
Here's the Best and Worst from Week 17:
Field Goal Percentage: Screen Team .525, Fear the Turtle .430
Free Throw Percentage: Great Oden's Raven .853, Fire Al Groh .699
Three-Pointers Made: Great Oden's Raven 56, Professor Dribbles 14
Points: Great Oden's Raven 617, Black Ice 320
Rebounds: Fire Al Groh 199, Working's for Suckers 130
Assists: Great Oden's Raven 135, Black Ice 55
Steals: Fire Al Groh 42, Kill Whitey 18
Blocks: Fire Al Groh 36, Dominique Moceanu 4
And finally, the match-ups for Week 18:
Black Prezodents (6th) vs. Black Ice (12th)
The Browless Wonders (3rd) vs. Fire Al Groh (2nd)
Fear the Turtle (8th) vs. Dominique Moceanu (10th)
Professor Dribbles (9th) vs. Snap Jelly Soldiers (1st)
Kill Whitey (7th) vs. Working's for Suckers (11th)
Great Oden's Raven (5th) vs. Screen Team (4th) - Is this an RGR-game? I can't remember.
Good luck to all this week, except for Reeves, who totally rested his hand against the glass in the Great Hand-Raising Contest of '98. Fancy fucking ketchup, man.
I'm writing this while watching Celts-Nuggets, so you'll excuse me if I break into an occasional "Rondoooooooooo!" Also, considering that I'm planning on watching the Nuggets at least twice this week, I wish I'd started Kenyon Martin. If I am ever a nationally-known bloggist, I will promote "GT" as a nickname for Kenyon, standing for "Gangsta Tourette's." By the way, having also been the long-time home of Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf, I have to ask: what makes Denver so Tourette's-friendly? Is there something about the clean mountain air that cools out those tics and spasms a little bit? Bernier, you're a scientist. Why not research something like this that's actually worth a damn?
Anyways, games...
-JR Smith is hustling out there! Just almost had a sick tip-in that he turned into a kick-out. Rondino doing a lot, but maybe trying to do too much.-
-Local sideline reporter: "The Nuggets have gone skipped past the frustration stage and gone straight to anger."-
-I can't blog. There is 100% going to be a fight here. Kenyon Martin just body-checked Ray Allen.-
Oh thank god, halftime. Okay games for real now.
Great Oden's Raven 5 (ft%/3pm/pts/ast/stl)
Kill Whitey 3 (fg%/reb/blk)
What do you get when you pit a team full of whities against a team with Billups, Wade, and Westbrook? A shitload of assists, that's what. Only one team in the league had more assist than Dekker's this week, but that was his opponent. Tough luck, cracker. The Ravenettes were dishin' and dishin' and scorin' and scorin', as they also led the league in points scored - 617, which is a lot. Now that I look at it, G.O.R. also led the league in field goal percentage. And 3's. Wow, Beb, nice week. Might make sense to make a trade that would sacrifice a few of those huge leads for some of your weaker categories, I would think.
Working's fo Suckers 6 (ft%/3pm/pts/ast/stl/blk)
Black Ice 2 (fg%/reb)
This looks about right for these two teams. 16 total stat categories, and half of those in among the worst 3 in the league for Week 17. Jesse's team was bad, but Reeves' was really bad. He did give us a nice, long chance to say farewell to Elton Brand and Tracy McGrady for the season, though. I wonder if he kept them in this long as a nod of solidarity to his fellow cellar-dweller. Thank God, these two teams will never meet again. (And I do mean never. Not this year. Not next year. Never.)
Professor Dribbles 4 (ft%/reb/ast/blk)
Screen Team 4 (fg%/3pm/pts/stl)
These two have quietly become like a Ballstonian version of Will and Bardey, keeping up chatty conversations on the smackboards all week, congratulating each other on their shared waiver wire pickups and thanking each other for tips here and there. It's a big mutual dick-sucking society in this league and it makes me sick. So it's appropriate, I guess, that these two roomies would tie. Isn't that sweet? That way, it's like you both win! Pretty milquetoast performances, too, though those might owe something to starting Boozer and Garnett, who played about half of one game between them.
-the "Altitude" commentators from Denver local TV just got super-gay talking about Kendrick Perkins rippling physique. It was pretty fantastic.-
Snap Jelly Soldiers 5 (fg%/ft%/3pm/pts/blk)
Fear the Turtle 3 (reb/ast/stl)
Whew! 3-5 seems pretty good for a bottom-half team taking on the current leaders, but this one was a close call for Dev in multiple categories. Five steals (24-19) is a reasonably significant difference, but three assists (82-79) and two rebounds (181-179) could come down to a scorer deciding a shot came a second too late to call it assisted or giving a two-man rebound to one guy and not the other. Still, wins are wins, especially at this point as the season winds down and we come closer to the playoffs. Then again, this game might say more about the front-runner than it does about Dev, who was, after all, amongst the bottom quarter of the league in five categories this week. And still only a 5-3 victory for Snap Jelly? Is this a sign of weakness by the Soldiers? Time will tell.
The Browless Wonders 4 (fg%/reb/ast/blk)
Dominique Moceanu 4 (ft%/3pm/pts/stl)
You can't be proud of winning blocks with eight, and yet I'm somehow sure that Will is. The highest field goal percentage in this match-up came from a guard (Chris Paul), which might be explained by the fact that both teams were disgustingly three-happy. That's right, this was a contest of chuckers, and just like a real game where the teams are content to stay outside and hurl deep bombs, nothing particularly exciting happened. Billy should probably be embarrassed that he only split the game after Will had two players drop 0-fers on the week, but having discussed his feelings for his team with him at length over the past week, I'm fairly confident that he's happy to get any wins at all. Shouldn't be too much more of that with Amar'e out. Sorry man, I'm a dick.
Fire Al Groh 6 (3pm/pts/reb/ast/stl/blk)
Black Prezodents 2 (fg%/ft%)
Ugh. I feel like a Black Ice-type team winning nothing but percentages, but with Kill Whitey nipping at my heels for that final playoff position, it'll have to do. Not a single volume stat win is lame, but the Prezbos did lose our key player, Danny Granger, this week, and still finished within a handful of rebounds and assists, so I'm somewhat proud. Then again, Granger is as big a chucker as anyone on the last two teams, so his presence would almost certainly have destroyed that thousandth-of-a-point lead in field goal percentage and brought me right back to 6-2 or worse. I'm trying to find something to get excited about and failing here... Hold me, Lamar... It's so cold... So cold.
Here's the Best and Worst from Week 17:
Field Goal Percentage: Screen Team .525, Fear the Turtle .430
Free Throw Percentage: Great Oden's Raven .853, Fire Al Groh .699
Three-Pointers Made: Great Oden's Raven 56, Professor Dribbles 14
Points: Great Oden's Raven 617, Black Ice 320
Rebounds: Fire Al Groh 199, Working's for Suckers 130
Assists: Great Oden's Raven 135, Black Ice 55
Steals: Fire Al Groh 42, Kill Whitey 18
Blocks: Fire Al Groh 36, Dominique Moceanu 4
And finally, the match-ups for Week 18:
Black Prezodents (6th) vs. Black Ice (12th)
The Browless Wonders (3rd) vs. Fire Al Groh (2nd)
Fear the Turtle (8th) vs. Dominique Moceanu (10th)
Professor Dribbles (9th) vs. Snap Jelly Soldiers (1st)
Kill Whitey (7th) vs. Working's for Suckers (11th)
Great Oden's Raven (5th) vs. Screen Team (4th) - Is this an RGR-game? I can't remember.
Good luck to all this week, except for Reeves, who totally rested his hand against the glass in the Great Hand-Raising Contest of '98. Fancy fucking ketchup, man.
Cluj Marketplace / This Week in League Pass
Each Sunday, I'll highlight some of the league's transactions and look forward to the coming week's NBA schedule.
This week's NBA trade deadline ignited some trade spirit in our own league, but like the Tyson Chandler-to-OKC trade, the big trade this week was scuttled by a failed physical. Dominique Moceanu and the Black Prezodents had agreed to terms on a trade sending Amar'e Stoudemire and Jeff Green to Brooklyn in exchange for franchise faces Rasheed Wallace and Baron Davis, as well as disappointing rookie Michael Beasley. Black Prez team trainers, however, identified a sleepy eye on Stoudemire and called off the deal. In reality, I wasn't sure how to deal with this situation, since we had already agreed on the deal, but the two-day voting period hadn't elapsed. I attempted to talk it over with Billy this weekend, but he would not hear a word of it and insisted on retaining the injured Stoudemire. I salute him for his honorable nature, and thank him for leaving only one crippled superstar (Danny Granger) on my roster and not two.
Even with the trade negated, it was still an incredibly active week on the waiver wire, somewhat owing to all the changing depth charts league-wide thanks to injuries and the trade deadline. Will Shoaf dropped Juan Jose Barea, or possibly Jose Juan Barea, but either way an utterly worthless player, to pick up Kelenna Azubuike, who is also worthless. He then turned him around for Marquis Daniels, who is also pretty worthless, but may have some value in the wake of injuries to Granger and Mike Dunleavy, Jr. Dunleavy, by the way, was dropped for Erick Dampier, who can't really be fantasy-worthy, can he? Probably the biggest pick-up for Will this week was Rafer Alston, who I'm pretty surprised was a free agent, and should rack up the assists throwing it in to Dwight Howard or kicking it out to the Magic's shooters.
Fear the Turtle proclaimed their Terrapin loyalty by picking up Chris Wilcox, and although he didn't know that's where he was headed at the time, Dev may find himself happy that Wilcox landed in New York with Mike D'Antoni.
Dominique Moceanu said farewell to the injured Andrew Bogut and said hello to Fred Jones, who I hope is doing nothing special with the Clippers as that would probably mean something bad about my Clippers boys B Diddy and Gordybear.
I had picked up Matt Barnes a few weeks ago in the assumption of an increased role once Amar'e got traded, but when all the (reality) trade rumors around Stoudemire died down, I dropped him in a drug-induced fancy of picking up Anthony Randolph. I quickly turned Randolph into Von Wafer, calling him up from the BP's D-League squad under the assumption that he'd have a big role once again with the trading of Skip to My Lou and the injury to Tracy McGrady. Bardois, meanwhile, had the same thought as I did in relation to Barnes, except this time in the case of injury rather than trade, and dumped the disappointing Monta Ellis for him. He also definitively answered last week's question of how patient he'd be on Luke Ridnour: not very. He dropped him for the timeless suckitude of Larry Hughes.
Dekker dropped one white guy to pick up another white guy. And then he dropped another white guy to pick up Chris Kaman, who's coming back in a couple weeks and can, at full strength, be beastly. Do I think he'll be at full strength? No. Do I think he'll be motivated to play for an awful Clippers team? No. Am I thinking of picking up Rudy Fernandez, who was one of the players Dekker dropped, so that I can have a Blazer on my squad, even though he's not exactly Black? Yes.
Bernier never makes any fucking moves. Can you believe it? He's obviously into the league, but he hates doing free agents. Weird.
Black Ice made some fucking moves! Of course, he dropped players that should have been dropped months ago, including one (the afore-mentioned Kaman) that, at this point, he probably should have held onto. But since he picked up BPC candidate Javale McGee, I'll let him slide.
That was a lot of moves. I'm exhausted, but I'll soldier on and pick the League Pass games of the week:
Monday: Celtics vs. Nuggets. RondOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Bardey, I love you for showing me this:
Tuesday: Mavericks vs. Spurs. I pretty much hate the Texas teams, and never watch them. But when they play each other, I get a little interested for some reason. And I've barely watched the Mavs at all this year. I don't even know what they look like.
Wednesday: Hawks vs. Nuggets. Two Nuggest games in the first three days of the week! They might be making the return to the Top 5 that Dekker so desires.
Thursday: Suns vs. Lakers. Only two games on, and only one on after I get home from book club. I really gotta quit this book club.
Friday: Bobcats vs. Warriors. Should be a fun game. Plus I'm going to the Virginia Wine Expo with my mom (Christmas present) so it's got to be a late game.
Saturday: Thunder vs. Grizzlies. Hmmm.... Interesting.
Sunday: Cavs vs. Hawks. Would love to see the Hawks make a statement on national TV. It's not gonna happen, but I'd love it to.
This week's NBA trade deadline ignited some trade spirit in our own league, but like the Tyson Chandler-to-OKC trade, the big trade this week was scuttled by a failed physical. Dominique Moceanu and the Black Prezodents had agreed to terms on a trade sending Amar'e Stoudemire and Jeff Green to Brooklyn in exchange for franchise faces Rasheed Wallace and Baron Davis, as well as disappointing rookie Michael Beasley. Black Prez team trainers, however, identified a sleepy eye on Stoudemire and called off the deal. In reality, I wasn't sure how to deal with this situation, since we had already agreed on the deal, but the two-day voting period hadn't elapsed. I attempted to talk it over with Billy this weekend, but he would not hear a word of it and insisted on retaining the injured Stoudemire. I salute him for his honorable nature, and thank him for leaving only one crippled superstar (Danny Granger) on my roster and not two.
Even with the trade negated, it was still an incredibly active week on the waiver wire, somewhat owing to all the changing depth charts league-wide thanks to injuries and the trade deadline. Will Shoaf dropped Juan Jose Barea, or possibly Jose Juan Barea, but either way an utterly worthless player, to pick up Kelenna Azubuike, who is also worthless. He then turned him around for Marquis Daniels, who is also pretty worthless, but may have some value in the wake of injuries to Granger and Mike Dunleavy, Jr. Dunleavy, by the way, was dropped for Erick Dampier, who can't really be fantasy-worthy, can he? Probably the biggest pick-up for Will this week was Rafer Alston, who I'm pretty surprised was a free agent, and should rack up the assists throwing it in to Dwight Howard or kicking it out to the Magic's shooters.
Fear the Turtle proclaimed their Terrapin loyalty by picking up Chris Wilcox, and although he didn't know that's where he was headed at the time, Dev may find himself happy that Wilcox landed in New York with Mike D'Antoni.
Dominique Moceanu said farewell to the injured Andrew Bogut and said hello to Fred Jones, who I hope is doing nothing special with the Clippers as that would probably mean something bad about my Clippers boys B Diddy and Gordybear.
I had picked up Matt Barnes a few weeks ago in the assumption of an increased role once Amar'e got traded, but when all the (reality) trade rumors around Stoudemire died down, I dropped him in a drug-induced fancy of picking up Anthony Randolph. I quickly turned Randolph into Von Wafer, calling him up from the BP's D-League squad under the assumption that he'd have a big role once again with the trading of Skip to My Lou and the injury to Tracy McGrady. Bardois, meanwhile, had the same thought as I did in relation to Barnes, except this time in the case of injury rather than trade, and dumped the disappointing Monta Ellis for him. He also definitively answered last week's question of how patient he'd be on Luke Ridnour: not very. He dropped him for the timeless suckitude of Larry Hughes.
Dekker dropped one white guy to pick up another white guy. And then he dropped another white guy to pick up Chris Kaman, who's coming back in a couple weeks and can, at full strength, be beastly. Do I think he'll be at full strength? No. Do I think he'll be motivated to play for an awful Clippers team? No. Am I thinking of picking up Rudy Fernandez, who was one of the players Dekker dropped, so that I can have a Blazer on my squad, even though he's not exactly Black? Yes.
Bernier never makes any fucking moves. Can you believe it? He's obviously into the league, but he hates doing free agents. Weird.
Black Ice made some fucking moves! Of course, he dropped players that should have been dropped months ago, including one (the afore-mentioned Kaman) that, at this point, he probably should have held onto. But since he picked up BPC candidate Javale McGee, I'll let him slide.
That was a lot of moves. I'm exhausted, but I'll soldier on and pick the League Pass games of the week:
Monday: Celtics vs. Nuggets. RondOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Bardey, I love you for showing me this:
Tuesday: Mavericks vs. Spurs. I pretty much hate the Texas teams, and never watch them. But when they play each other, I get a little interested for some reason. And I've barely watched the Mavs at all this year. I don't even know what they look like.
Wednesday: Hawks vs. Nuggets. Two Nuggest games in the first three days of the week! They might be making the return to the Top 5 that Dekker so desires.
Thursday: Suns vs. Lakers. Only two games on, and only one on after I get home from book club. I really gotta quit this book club.
Friday: Bobcats vs. Warriors. Should be a fun game. Plus I'm going to the Virginia Wine Expo with my mom (Christmas present) so it's got to be a late game.
Saturday: Thunder vs. Grizzlies. Hmmm.... Interesting.
Sunday: Cavs vs. Hawks. Would love to see the Hawks make a statement on national TV. It's not gonna happen, but I'd love it to.
2.22.2009
Charts & Figgers
Each Saturday brings high-level statistical analysis from a man who hasn't taken a math class since high school.
This week I lost Danny Granger, who has undoubtedly been the most valuable contributor to my team this season. In looking to replace him in the line-up, I wondered just how valuable he truly was to the Black Prezodents, and how that stacked up against other team MVPs. So I went through each team and calculated what percentage of the team total each team's star had made up in each category over the last month. For the shooting percentages, that entailed way too much math, so I just calculated a +/- figure versus team percentage. The results, below:
(for those of you not mathematically inclined, consider that we start 9 players each week, so the average contribution would be 11% in each category.)
Black Prezodents' Danny Granger:
field goal percentage: -.067
free throw percentage: +.205
three-pointers made: 30%
points: 18%
rebounds: 9%
steals: 8%
blocks: 32%
Professor Dribbles' Kobe Bryant:
field goal percentage: -.021
free throw percentage: +.077
three-pointers made: 38%
points: 24%
rebounds: 10%
assists: 16%
steals: 20%
blocks: 9%
Browless Wonders' Chris Paul
field goal percentage: +.029
free throw percentage: -.021
three-pointers made: 12%
points: 16%
rebounds: 8%
assists: 32%
steals: 33%
blocks: 5%
Fear the Turtle's Caron Butler
field goal percentage: -.003
free throw percentage: +.085
three-pointers made: 23%
points: 15%
rebounds: 12%
assists: 19%
steals: 17%
blocks: 8%
Snap Jelly Soldiers' Lebron James
field goal percentage: -.006
free throw percentage: -.074
three-pointers made: 28%
points: 21%
rebounds: 15%
assists: 27%
steals: 17%
blocks: 14%
Working's fo Suckers' Jason Kidd
field goal percentage: +.017
free throw percentage: -.084
three-pointers made: 20%
points: 8%
rebounds: 13%
assists: 34%
steals: 22%
blocks: 21%
Dominique Moceanu's Troy Murphy (that's right, Troy Murphy)
field goal percentage: +.057
free throw percentage: +.021
three-pointers made: 25%
points: 12%
rebounds: 28%
assists: 10%
steals: 9%
blocks: 14%
I should note that I did calculate the percentages for Amar'e Stoudemire as well, and while Murphy was generally the stronger contributor, Amar'e did have an incredible 50% of Moceanu's blocks for the past month. It should also be pointed out, though, that Moceanu rarely makes it out of single-digit blocks in any given week.
Great Oden's Raven's Dwyane Wade
field goal percentage: +.039
free throw percentage: -.070
three-pointers made: 7%
points: 18%
rebounds: 12%
assists: 20%
steals: 22%
blocks: 24%
Fire Al Groh's Dwight Howard
field goal percentage: +.124
free throw percentage: -.072
three-pointers made: 0%
points: 14%
rebounds: 26%
assists: 3%
steals: 10%
blocks: 33%
This was a weird one because Howard is basically a non-factor in threes and assists and a strong negative in free throws, but his contributions in field goal percentage, boards, and blocks are so strong that I think Bardey will agree he's his most valuable player. [Yup, I just asked him. He agrees.]
Kill Whitey's Pau Gasol
field goal percentage: +.120
free throw percentage: -.018
three-pointers made: 0%
points: 19%
rebounds: 23%
assists: 13%
steals: 8%
blocks: 15%
An argument could have been made here for Manu Ginobili or Steve Nash, which I suppose says something about the nature of team basketball and Dekker's team composition/complexion, etc. But I hate Dekker's team and I hate spending time thinking about them, so I just chose Pau because he's my favorite.
Screen Team's Kevin Durant
field goal percentage: +.027
free throw percentage: +.080
three-pointers made: 27%
points: 24%
rebounds: 16%
assists: 15%
steals: 14%
blocks: 16%
Black Ice
It took me 15-20 minutes to do these calculations for each team, and since I don't think Reeves has put 15-20 minutes into this league all season, I didn't bother doing this for Black Ice. Also, they have no players of value.
So what can we make of this? Well, for one thing, not only is Kevin Durant really fucking good, but he's also incredibly important to Screen Team, and probably the MVP of the league--at least for the past month. If we take 11% as the "average" contribution of one player in one category, then Durant is doing more than his fair share in every single category. On top of that, he's better than his team in both field goal percentage and free throw percentage. Say what you will about Lebron or CP3 or Kobe, but they are all statistical liabilities in one category or another, at least relative to the rest of their teams. I should also point out that on this list, only Jason Kidd and Troy Murphy were drafted after Durant. Nice foresight, Screen.
This week I lost Danny Granger, who has undoubtedly been the most valuable contributor to my team this season. In looking to replace him in the line-up, I wondered just how valuable he truly was to the Black Prezodents, and how that stacked up against other team MVPs. So I went through each team and calculated what percentage of the team total each team's star had made up in each category over the last month. For the shooting percentages, that entailed way too much math, so I just calculated a +/- figure versus team percentage. The results, below:
(for those of you not mathematically inclined, consider that we start 9 players each week, so the average contribution would be 11% in each category.)
Black Prezodents' Danny Granger:
field goal percentage: -.067
free throw percentage: +.205
three-pointers made: 30%
points: 18%
rebounds: 9%
steals: 8%
blocks: 32%
Professor Dribbles' Kobe Bryant:
field goal percentage: -.021
free throw percentage: +.077
three-pointers made: 38%
points: 24%
rebounds: 10%
assists: 16%
steals: 20%
blocks: 9%
Browless Wonders' Chris Paul
field goal percentage: +.029
free throw percentage: -.021
three-pointers made: 12%
points: 16%
rebounds: 8%
assists: 32%
steals: 33%
blocks: 5%
Fear the Turtle's Caron Butler
field goal percentage: -.003
free throw percentage: +.085
three-pointers made: 23%
points: 15%
rebounds: 12%
assists: 19%
steals: 17%
blocks: 8%
Snap Jelly Soldiers' Lebron James
field goal percentage: -.006
free throw percentage: -.074
three-pointers made: 28%
points: 21%
rebounds: 15%
assists: 27%
steals: 17%
blocks: 14%
Working's fo Suckers' Jason Kidd
field goal percentage: +.017
free throw percentage: -.084
three-pointers made: 20%
points: 8%
rebounds: 13%
assists: 34%
steals: 22%
blocks: 21%
Dominique Moceanu's Troy Murphy (that's right, Troy Murphy)
field goal percentage: +.057
free throw percentage: +.021
three-pointers made: 25%
points: 12%
rebounds: 28%
assists: 10%
steals: 9%
blocks: 14%
I should note that I did calculate the percentages for Amar'e Stoudemire as well, and while Murphy was generally the stronger contributor, Amar'e did have an incredible 50% of Moceanu's blocks for the past month. It should also be pointed out, though, that Moceanu rarely makes it out of single-digit blocks in any given week.
Great Oden's Raven's Dwyane Wade
field goal percentage: +.039
free throw percentage: -.070
three-pointers made: 7%
points: 18%
rebounds: 12%
assists: 20%
steals: 22%
blocks: 24%
Fire Al Groh's Dwight Howard
field goal percentage: +.124
free throw percentage: -.072
three-pointers made: 0%
points: 14%
rebounds: 26%
assists: 3%
steals: 10%
blocks: 33%
This was a weird one because Howard is basically a non-factor in threes and assists and a strong negative in free throws, but his contributions in field goal percentage, boards, and blocks are so strong that I think Bardey will agree he's his most valuable player. [Yup, I just asked him. He agrees.]
Kill Whitey's Pau Gasol
field goal percentage: +.120
free throw percentage: -.018
three-pointers made: 0%
points: 19%
rebounds: 23%
assists: 13%
steals: 8%
blocks: 15%
An argument could have been made here for Manu Ginobili or Steve Nash, which I suppose says something about the nature of team basketball and Dekker's team composition/complexion, etc. But I hate Dekker's team and I hate spending time thinking about them, so I just chose Pau because he's my favorite.
Screen Team's Kevin Durant
field goal percentage: +.027
free throw percentage: +.080
three-pointers made: 27%
points: 24%
rebounds: 16%
assists: 15%
steals: 14%
blocks: 16%
Black Ice
It took me 15-20 minutes to do these calculations for each team, and since I don't think Reeves has put 15-20 minutes into this league all season, I didn't bother doing this for Black Ice. Also, they have no players of value.
So what can we make of this? Well, for one thing, not only is Kevin Durant really fucking good, but he's also incredibly important to Screen Team, and probably the MVP of the league--at least for the past month. If we take 11% as the "average" contribution of one player in one category, then Durant is doing more than his fair share in every single category. On top of that, he's better than his team in both field goal percentage and free throw percentage. Say what you will about Lebron or CP3 or Kobe, but they are all statistical liabilities in one category or another, at least relative to the rest of their teams. I should also point out that on this list, only Jason Kidd and Troy Murphy were drafted after Durant. Nice foresight, Screen.
2.19.2009
League Pass Power Rankings
In football, I'll always have the 'Skins. In baseball, I've got no choice but to support the Nats. College athletics are for suckers and lame-o's. But NBA fandom is blessedly fluid. Every Thursday, I'll rank the top 5 teams I look forward to watching on League Pass, and why.
5. Memphis Grizzlies
Looking like the Tyson Chandler trade isn't going through, which means the Grizzlies won't be as oop-tastic as it looked like they would be 24 hours ago, but I still like Rudy Gay and am ready to hop on the OJ Mayo train. Also, the Grizzlies have my favorite NBA uniforms.
4. Charlotte Bobcats
They've dropped a bit in the absence of Gerald Wallace, but we'll see if his return to the line-up can save them from Power Ranking obscurity.
3. Los Angeles Lakers
This is almost entirely for Lamar, who actually has been lighting it up post-Bynum, which I though was a pipe dream when I wrote about it two weeks ago. Pts/Reb/Blk for the last 5 games: 28/17/1, 12/18/1, 19/19/2, 15/20/2, 22/7/2. Love it. Wish that 17-18-19-20 streak in boards had extended into 21 and on, but I'm not complaining. Also, my fondness for Pau (part of last year's fantasy Pau-Yao connection) has rekindled. So awkward and ugly, yet so good.
2. Atlanta Hawks
Al Horford's back, and rounding into full strength (18 and 18 last night). Joe Johnson's back and needed for my middle school team, which is embarassingly mediocre. And the rest of the team is still cool.
1. Portland Trail Blazers
I've never been there, but increasingly feel that if i had to move to another city in the U.S., it might be Portland.
5. Memphis Grizzlies
Looking like the Tyson Chandler trade isn't going through, which means the Grizzlies won't be as oop-tastic as it looked like they would be 24 hours ago, but I still like Rudy Gay and am ready to hop on the OJ Mayo train. Also, the Grizzlies have my favorite NBA uniforms.
4. Charlotte Bobcats
They've dropped a bit in the absence of Gerald Wallace, but we'll see if his return to the line-up can save them from Power Ranking obscurity.
3. Los Angeles Lakers
This is almost entirely for Lamar, who actually has been lighting it up post-Bynum, which I though was a pipe dream when I wrote about it two weeks ago. Pts/Reb/Blk for the last 5 games: 28/17/1, 12/18/1, 19/19/2, 15/20/2, 22/7/2. Love it. Wish that 17-18-19-20 streak in boards had extended into 21 and on, but I'm not complaining. Also, my fondness for Pau (part of last year's fantasy Pau-Yao connection) has rekindled. So awkward and ugly, yet so good.
2. Atlanta Hawks
Al Horford's back, and rounding into full strength (18 and 18 last night). Joe Johnson's back and needed for my middle school team, which is embarassingly mediocre. And the rest of the team is still cool.
1. Portland Trail Blazers
I've never been there, but increasingly feel that if i had to move to another city in the U.S., it might be Portland.
2.18.2009
This Week in Black Prezodential History
Oh man, I was all set to write a glowing Black Prez Historical tract about one of my favorite players of yesteryear. But occasionally the harsh light of passed time begins to reveal truths about your heroes that you never could have imagined in your youth. You may find out that there are a handful of women out there on the internet accusing a once-revered figure of being a roofie artist (I'm looking at you, Chris Gatling). Or you might discover something even worse, like that a seemingly Rushmore-worthy Black Prezodent is in fact, a huge cheesedick. I give you the website of our 21st Black Prezodent: Brian Grant.
Make sure you've got the sound on. It really makes the website. Smooth, ambient jazz.
Check out the "Private" pictures. Check out the "Media" section, which consists of a handful of commercials that Brian barely appears in. Check out the fact that it seems to insist on the fact that he's still an active basketball player ("Contract status: Active"), when he is clearly not an active basketball player and has not been for years. Dude has a logo. He wants to be a star, when he is not. True Black Prezodents don't want to be stars, but are. But sometimes mistakes are made, and you can't sweep your past beneath the rug and pretend it doesn't exist. You simply learn your lesson--that fashion dreads and a Marley tattoo do not indicate true cool--and move on.
Brian Grant (left), our 21st Black Prezodent.
Make sure you've got the sound on. It really makes the website. Smooth, ambient jazz.
Check out the "Private" pictures. Check out the "Media" section, which consists of a handful of commercials that Brian barely appears in. Check out the fact that it seems to insist on the fact that he's still an active basketball player ("Contract status: Active"), when he is clearly not an active basketball player and has not been for years. Dude has a logo. He wants to be a star, when he is not. True Black Prezodents don't want to be stars, but are. But sometimes mistakes are made, and you can't sweep your past beneath the rug and pretend it doesn't exist. You simply learn your lesson--that fashion dreads and a Marley tattoo do not indicate true cool--and move on.
Brian Grant (left), our 21st Black Prezodent.
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