Better Know a Douchebag

As the only member of the Cluj universe to know all its owners, I find it incumbent upon myself to introduce you all to each other. So far, that effort has only succeeded in nearly starting a bar fight, but hopefully things will be a little more civil here on the blog. This week... The Browless Wonders' Will Shoaf.

Full Name: William K Shoot
Originally From: Chesapeake, VA
Now Resides in: Austin, TX
Occupation: 6th-Grade Social Studies Teacher
Relationship Status: Imbrobably, Married to a seemingly normal girl
Current League Standing: 2nd place, 71-39-2
Humorous, Possibly Fictional, Anecdote: Once acquired an STD from a girl he (erroneously) thought he had screwed in the pooper
Team Name Rating: two and three-quarter stars

and now, our exclusive interview:
The Faculty of Letters: what's your favorite thing about your Browless Wonders?
wkshoaf: My first instinct is to say my man-love for Chris Paul, but i also love the maddening inconsistency of my namesake, Charlie V.
TFoL: you dig the up and down?
wkshoaf: as an owner? no. but it makes things more interesting. paul does well every game. you know what you're getting. The random guys throwing up the huge game makes me happier, beno getting 3 steals; charlie V getting 3 blocks, etc.
TFoL: right. has there been anyone who's consistently been a pleasant surprise for you? anyone you feel you got great value for in the draft or in a trade?
wkshoaf: I would say the biggest surprise has been Jason Terry, just putting up great numbers despite coming off the bench. Did NOT see that happening.
TFoL: yeah he pours em in from that 6th man spot. i actually just drafted him today in my kids' league
wkshoaf: nice. he's fun to have; very consistent but he makes you nervous because he never plays much in the first quarter. As far as the draft, I would say getting Hawes in round 12 was great in the beginning of the season. But I traded him to Dekker right before he got shitty. he carried my team for the first 4 weeks or so.
TFoL: who'd you get in that trade?
wkshoaf: beno [udrih].
TFoL: do you feel like you "won" that trade?
wkshoaf: ehh? I don't know. I've dropped beno once and picked him up again. he's just a backup PG because I traded away felton; that was dumb.
TFoL: what was that trade?
wkshoaf: I traded felton for charlie V because I wanted a backup big guy.
TFoL: that looks like a losing trade to me with the way felton's been playing. do you feel that way?
wkshoaf: felton has outplayed charlie V for most of the year, yes. recently, Charlie has been great, but that's because bogut got hurt and skiles started playing him but like I said, it's only been like 2 weeks. If Brad Miller is traded, then Hawes will start putting up big numbers again. and I will have officially lost both trades
TFoL: ha. ok switching gears a bit here: i know you're a League Pass owner, and also don't really have a team of your own (feel free to correct me there). who do you get psyched about watching on league pass? any particular teams/players, or just your fantasy guys?
wkshoaf: Mostly just my fantasy guys. and the fantasy guys I'm playing against that week. Because of Al [Harrington] and [Wilson] Chandler, I've become a big knicks fan. did NOT see that coming.
TFoL: yeah that's bizarre. i live in new york and i don' t even know any knicks fans.
wkshoaf: d'antoni probably had something to do with it.
...[we discuss some trade offers Will made to other owners in the league]...
TFoL: are you finding yourself frustrated by many of the owners' indifference to their teams?
wkshoaf: I offered him any two of my players except camby, bynum or Paul in exchange for one of his bigs. he said to offer him again, but then he won't respond. So yes, I get frustrated. It's one thing to have a shitty team and make fun of it. but it's another to be shitty because you don't pay attention to your team and keep injured players in and then don't even read the fucking message board when other owners are making fun of you.
TFoL: ok so speaking of being angry at other owners: what do you hate most about your randomly generated rival, deyoung, and his team?
wkshoaf: Deyoung has a weird team. one week he sucks balls, and another he can put up more 3's than anyone in the league (against beb, so that's nice). But I guess the thing I hate the most is that when I killed him in week 4, I only beat him 6-2. I would have loved to 8-0 my RGR. so I hate him for winning 2 categories. His name is also gay, and he left Redd in after a season ending injury I hate those things too.
TFoL: fair enough
wkshoaf: and kobe is a rapist don't forget that.
TFoL: of course. any other owners/teams in the league that have attracted your hatred?
wkshoaf: I hate Screen with all my heart and soul. That's it.
TFoL: other than the sort of obvious superstars, is there any player on another team you'd really like to have on your roster?
wkshoaf: I'd love to have durant, and I hate that deuchey McScreen has him.
TFoL: i'm not sure that there is an official spelling on that word, but i'm quite sure that if there is, it isn't "deuchey"
wkshoaf: fair enough. deuchie?
TFoL: where is the e coming from?
wkshoaf: is it just duche?
TFoL: douche
wkshoaf: ahh. that looks better douche. yeah, I like that.
TFoL: this is gonna be great re-printed on the blog, really gonna get other people into the league.
wkshoaf: um...thanks?
TFoL: alright so anything else you'd like to say about your experience of the league so far this year? what's been your favorite aspect of cluj?
wkshoaf: every night, I have fantasy to follow on my computer while my wife watches The city or Real housewives of orange county or some shit. and when she goes to bed at 9:30, I always have 1 hour or so of amazing basketball to watch by myself. It's amazing. And bardey and I chat about our teams all day, constantly breaking the rule that "no one cares about your fantasy team except you." I congratulate Bardey when Mo goes off for 4 threes, and as soon as I sign on, he's there with the congratulatory chat about bynum's 4 blocks. If that's gay, I don't want to be straight. don't print that.