12.02.2010

Sovic's dilemma

the best kobe rapist picture I could find...

I'd say Kobe's popularity was at it's lowest point soon after he allegedly raped a woman in Colorado and then bought his wife a huge diamond ring to make up for it.  Kobe had never been very likable in the first place; even his teammates found him aloof and uninteresting.  However, one of his most vocal (at least through gchat) proponents was none other than Sr. Sovic.
Since I am a sheep by nature, I found myself in the majority as a Kobe hater.  Sovic, on the other hand, preached about learning to "embrace Kobe as a villain," and stated emphatically that he would "love to have" Kobe on his fantasy team.  In time, Sovic's defiant support of the black mamba wore down my defenses (hey, like kobe does to women!), and I begrudgingly learned to accept his villainy.


That bring us to Lebron.  Sovic hates lebron.  He's always hated lebron.  When Lebron was arguably the most popular player on the planet, Sovic stood his ground and stuck with his vehement hatred (recently, I learned Forshay felt the same way).  I, on the other hand, respected lebron for being the most talented player on the planet (even if he wasn't the most hardworking).  I loved that any time he was on TV, I would turn over to see what he might do.  He always had 3-4 HOLY FUCK moments every game.
Now, after "the decision" debacle, Bron is almost universally hated (and booed every night he's on the road).  My question to Sr. Sovic is this: will you learn to embrace his villainy?  Now that most have jumped ship (I do think dois, beb, and I still have some love for him) and you're in the majority opinion, will you find the bron-hater-club too crowded for your liking?
I await a response.
-Shoaf

11.18.2010

Big Trouble in Little Texas

The two no longer happy couples

What the fuck is going on in San Antonio?  Why would Tony Parker cheat on Eva Longoria?  And did he really think he could fuck a teammate's wife and have no one find out?  Jesus, you dumbass frenchman, there's no way Barry's wife is nearly as hot as Eva.  Fucking idiots.
Really, I blame steffens.
Original article...
(figured the blogpost needed an update...)

4.04.2010

Easter Sunday Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Andre Iguodala, Call em Bullets
.643 - .786 - 4 - 33 - 8 - 11 - 5 - 1

Loose Stool: Jason Richardson, Teen Wolf
.000 - NA - 0 - 0 - 0 - 1 - 1 - 0

Shart: Terrence Williams, Teen Wolf
.538 - NA - 0 - 14 - 4 - 14 - 0 - 0

4.01.2010

Playoffs in Review: Game Re-Caps

So here I am, with the final match-up already halfway over, and I still haven't written anything about the first two rounds. This could be attributed to general laziness on my part, or fatigue from the blogging season wearing on, or disinterest after my team's elimination in Round 1. And all of those would probably be correct attributions. But another factor is that I'm also not exactly sure how to write these. Normally, I am guided by the team highs and lows for the week, the players that contribute the most on each team, and the individual leaders in each category. Suddenly, in the playoffs, all those factors have become less important. Everyone is so focused on just beating their opponent that being high or low in the league is basically irrelevant. Player contributions are obviously important, but with so much adding and dropping going on, the individual achievements have taken a backseat to the owners' ability to get a few key stats out of different guys each night. What I really needed was to keep a running log of what pick-ups worked and didn't, how the category match-ups played out over the course of the week, and how the owners reacted (or didn't) to try and snatch every win they could. I did none of those things. So these game re-caps might be a little under-informed, but I'll do my best.

Thursday Lunch Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Tyreke Evans, Unfrozen Caveman Bogut
.368 - .714 - 1 - 20 - 7 - 13 - 3 - 0

Loose Stool: Dwyane Wade, Call em Bullets
.308 - 1.000 - 0 - 10 - 3 - 1 - 2 - 0
This isn't a terrible line, but for Dwyane Wade, in the middle of championship week... it's a terrible line.

Shart: Terrence Williams, Teen Wolf
.450 - 1.000 - 2 - 21 - 5 - 9 - 0 - 1

Upper Decker: Mo Williams, Call em Bullets
.500 - .875 - 2 - 21 - 1 - 6 - 3 - 0
Odd, in that Bardey picked him up off the wire on Tuesday and then didn't start him on Wednesday.

Playoffs Round 1 & 2 in Review are coming later today.

3.29.2010

Monday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

With last night's semi-final playoff match-ups coming down to the wire, there was perhaps no more important night in Cluj history to either bring it or stink up the joint. Let's see who did what:

Hot Shit: Dwyane Wade, Call em Bullets
.611 - .900 - 1 - 32 - 7 - 6 - 5 - 3

Loose Stool: Michael Beasley, Black Prezodents
.100 - NA - 0 - 2 - 3 - 0 - 0 - 0
Beating DeYoung and taking 5th place really meant something to me. Apparently, it didn't mean anything to the Beazer.

Shart: Kevin Love, WWTMD
.471 - 1.000 - 1 - 23 - 22 - 2 - 2 - 2
22 boards is a lot of boards. And gotta give KLove some love for the near Super-Duper.

Just Gas: Johnny Flynn, Unfrozen Caveman Bogut
.333 - 1.000 - 0 - 10 - 2 - 3 - 0 - 0
Darko's line for Teen Wolf was arguably worse, but he had two steals, the cat that Dekker managed to tie to take the match-up, so I can't think of him as Just Gas.

Hershey Squirts:
Ben Udrih, Cowboys
.353 - 1.000 - 0 - 18 - 10 - 15 - 2 - 0

Brandon Jennings, Power Bottom & Jelly
.417 - .857 - 3 - 29 - 7 - 8 - 4 - 0

3.26.2010

NBA Trivia: Veteran Journeymen

This evening, while enjoying seeing my Blazers on national television, I was marveling over the longevity of Juwan Howard and Marcus Camby, and it occurred to me that they must have played together on some other team before. And that sent me to basketball-reference.com. And that got me looking at other veteran journeymen and their careers. And that got me thinking I could come up with a pretty entertaining trivia quiz based on the NBA's oldest and best-travelled players. Enjoy the questions after the jump, and the answers in the Comments.


3.24.2010

Wednesday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Jason Kidd, Unfrozen Caveman Bogut
.476 - NA - 6 - 26 - 6 - 12 - 1 - 0

Loose Stool: Andray Blatche, Call em Bullets
.400 - NA - 0 - 4 - 0 - 0 - 0 - 2
The news report on why this line is so shitty has got to be harrowing to Bardois, who has come to count on this guy for 20 and 10.

Shart: Drew Gooden, WWTMD
.381 - 1.000 - 0 - 26 - 20 - 2 - 2 - 1
Ugh. Drew Gooden posting big lines? Now I really know the fantasy gods must be crazy.



and today, a new category for the lousiest, roster-filling, no business being in a fantasy line-up pick-up of the day...

Just Gas: Jason Maxiell, Teen Wolf
.400 - .667 - 0 - 6 - 2 - 1 - 1 - 0

3.23.2010

Tuesday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Anthony Tolliver, Unfrozen Caveman Bogut
.571 - .778 - 2 - 25 - 12 - 5 - 3 - 2
Originally this was my Shart for the day, but when you're one missed free throw away from a Super-Duper Octuplet, you're Hot Shit.

Loose Stool: Yi Jianlian, WWTMD
.250 - NA - 0 - 4 - 5 - 0 - 0 - 0
We've been talking about instituting a weekly Games or Transactions limit for next year's playoffs, but I've got a different idea. Just as Yahoo has an "Undroppable" list, we should create an "Unaddable" list of guys who have no business being on a fantasy roster unless they are some kind of last-minute, "I could use an extra player tonight" add. Yi Jianlian belongs on this list. 

Shart: Mehmet Okur, Noah's Ark
.500 - NA - 4 - 14 - 15 - 2 - 3 - 3
Another guy who was one cat away from a Super-Duper last night, I had to include him here. But the real Shart of the night was...

Chris Paul, WWTMD
.444 - NA - 3 - 11 - 0 - 3 - 1 - 0
You've got to be kidding me. He's playing?!? What the hell for?!? You're 8 1/2 games out of the last playoff spot! Collison and Thornton were doing fine! What makes it even worse is...


Hershey Squirts:
Brandon Jennings, Power Bottom & Jelly
.125 - NA - 0 - 2 - 0 - 1 - 0 - 0
Oh man, I must have picked on the fantasy gods in elementary school or something, because they are coming back at me with a vengeance. The day after Will upsets me in the first round, the injured superstar I loudly mocked him for acquiring starts playing again, and the guy he traded away for him just lays an absolute stinker. Look, gods of fantasy, I'm sorry I tree-topped you out of the four-square game or did that thing where I stepped on the back of your shoe when we were walking single-file to the cafeteria or whatever, but I'm getting fucked in all the other aspects of my life right now. I don't need it happening in this one, too!

OJ Mayo, Cowboys
.368 - 1.000 - 3 - 20 - 7 - 2 - 4 - 0

Anthony Morrow, Power Bottom & Jelly
.250 - NA - 1 - 3 - 0 - 0 - 1 - 1
The man of a thousand teams just realized that he's stuck on one that's out of the playoffs.

Derrick Rose, Bronxville BitchSmackers
.545 - .250 - 2 - 27 - 7 - 8 - 0 - 1

3.19.2010

Charts & Figgers

The Cluj regular season has come to an end, and I'm sure all our attention is turned to the fantasy playoffs and the reality March Madness. But there is still a bit of unfinished business to attend to before we leave the regular season behind: I speak, of course, of Octuplets. When last we checked in, LeBron James held a slight lead over Kevin Durant for the title of the league's best Octupler, but he also had a slight games advantage. Would Durant use those extra games to close the gap? Would LeBron continue the torrid pace he set in February? The answer can only come... after the jump.

3.18.2010

Thursday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at the highs and lows from last night's games.

I've been lazy about this the past few days, but ready to dive back in here with the first Dump of the playoffs. Last year, Will suggested that I choose from exclusively the playoff teams. That didn't feel right in spirit to me, but at the same time the playoff teams are pretty much the only folks who ever read this blog, and that is certainly true now that the chaff has been separated from the wheat here in the post-season. So this year I'll be selecting the Hot Shit, Loose Stool, and Shart from the contenders, but mentioning other noteworthy lines as well.

Hot Shit: David West, Black Prezodents
.538 - 1.000 - 0 - 36 - 15 - 5 - 1 - 0

Loose Stool: Marvin Williams, Noah's Ark
.100 - NA - 0 - 2 - 4 - 0 - 0 - 1

Shart: Jrue Holiday, Teen Wolf
.727 - .667 - 1 - 19 - 7 - 7 - 2 - 0

Hershey Squirts
Monta Ellis, Corn Rows n Tats
.435 - 1.000 - 2 - 28 - 3 - 13 - 4 - 0

Jason Kidd, Unfrozen Caveman Bogut
.000 - NA - 0 - 0 - 2 - 4 - 0 - 0
This line made me think "Damn I wish I was playing Beb this week" until I saw LeBron's line. And Lee's. And Bogut's.

Troy Murphy, Power Bottom & Jelly
.429 - .750 - 4 - 19 - 15 - 5 - 2 - 0
If you think I'm not going to publish every semi-decent Murphy or Jennings line over the next three weeks, well... you just don't know me.



Later today: Final results of the regular season Octuplet Race.

3.15.2010

Monday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

The last Morning Dump of the regular season. Later Corn Rows, Bronxville, Cowboys and Power Bottom. Your teams must have really sucked.

Hot Shit: Tyreke Evans, Unfrozen Caveman Bogut
.526 - 1.000 - 2 - 29 - 9 - 11 - 2 - 0
The runner-up here was LeBron, who is also on UCB. And yet they managed to lose their hold on the regular season title yesterday. What the fuck, the rest of UCB?!?

Loose Stool: Beno Udrih, Cowboys
.125 - NA - 0 - 2 - 1 - 1 - 1 - 0
Really happy to give this to Dev in his last real game of the season.

Shart: Russell Westbrook, Black Prezodents
.750 - .545 - 0 - 30 - 3 - 11 - 1 - 1
We're ready to Shart all the way to the title, baby. Look out!

3.12.2010

Friday Morning Green Apple Splatters

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: I'm contemplating two: 
Andrey Blatche, Call em Bullets (he's getting boring because he's been so awesomely consistent)
.632 - 1.000 - 0 - 30 - 10 - 1 - 3 - 0
OR
Brandon Roy, Noah's Ark (why no 3's?  With some 3's, I think the hot shit is his...)
.636 - .765 - 0 - 41 - 8 - 3 - 2 - 1

Loose Stool: James Singleton, Unfrozen Caveman Bogut (no question.  he's the crappiest from last night)
.000 - NA - 0 - 0 - 7 - 1 - 0 - 0

Shart: Also contemplating two...
Anthony Tolliver, Unfrozen Caveman Bogut  (nice pickup)
.444 - 1.000 - 2 - 14 - 11 - 1 - 0 - 1
OR
Corey Maggette, WWTMD (he's healthy?)
.533 - .889 - 0 - 24 - 5 - 6 - 1 - 0

3.11.2010

Thursday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Jason Kidd, Unfrozen Caveman Bogut
.462 - .750 - 5 - 20 - 4 - 9 - 4 - 1

Loose Stool: Kendrick Perkins, Corn Rows n Tats
.500 - .000 - 0 - 4 - 6 - 0 - 0 - 0

Shart: Rasual Butler, Corn Rows n Tats
.632 - 1.000 - 6 - 31 - 2 - 2 - 1 - 0
Casual Rasual lightin' it up these days!

3.10.2010

Wednesday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Deron Williams, Corn Rows n Tats
.733 - .750 - 3 - 28 - 1 - 17 - 0 - 0

Loose Stool: Taj Gibson, WWTMD
NA - NA - 0 - 0 - 1 - 0 - 0 - 0
Did this dude get injured or something? I can't find any news. But he played twelve minutes, which is more than enough time for more than one rebound.

Shart: Jarrett Jack, Teen Wolf
.500 - 1.000 - 2 - 18 - 7 - 7 - 3 - 1
Not a guy I ever thought would make the Octuplet Register.

Dev Batta Memorial Piece of Shit Award: Brandon Roy, Noah's Ark
.500 - .429 - 0 - 19 - 8 - 3 - 2 - 0
And here I thought this award was retired for the year. Leave it to DeYoung...


Also please note that Week 19 in Review has been posted below.

Week 19 in Review: Game Re-Caps

In case you were only paying attention to your own game, you selfish prick.

The playoffs are drawing nigh, and with only one more playoff position up for grabs, the final week of the regular season promises to be hot and heavy as those on the bubble vie to get in, and those of us who've made it jockey for position. This comes after an exciting week in which four of the top five teams faced each other and the trade deadline brought about the relocation of one of the league's top draft picks. Holy fuck that's a lot of excitement. Let's review:


3.09.2010

Tuesday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Manu Ginobili, Noah's Ark
.522 - 1.000 - 7 - 38 - 7 - 5 - 2 - 0
And with that, the battle for 3s in Ark vs. Prez is over as soon as it begins.

Loose Stool: Kevin Love, WWTMD
.143 - 1.000 - 0 - 6 - 6 - 0 - 0 - 0
Nice shootin', KLove.

Shart: Shawn Marion, Power Bottom & Jelly
.560 - .500 - 0 - 29 - 14 - 0 - 3 - 0
Some ol'-timey Matrix numbers there.

3.08.2010

Monday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Kobe Bryant, Bronxville BitchSmackers
.400 - 1.000 - 2 - 34 - 7 - 7 - 3 - 0

Loose Stool: Spencer Hawes, Noah's Ark
.333 - .000 - 0 - 4 - 2 - 4 - 0 - 2

Shart: Jeff Green, Power Bottom & Jelly
.417 - 1.000 - 1 - 12 - 3 - 1 - 1 - 1
Not really Shart-worthy, but notable because it's one of the worst Octo lines in history.

3.05.2010

Friday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Rudy Gay, Black Prezodents
.400 - 1.000 - 1 - 17 - 6 - 1 - 5 - 2
Seven Stocks plus the Octo gives Rudy a defensive Hot Shit.

Loose Stool: Channing Frye, Noah's Ark
.250 - NA - 1 - 3 - 3 - 2 - 0 - 1

Shart: Mehmet Okur, Noah's Ark
.412 - .800 - 2 - 24 - 6 - 0 - 1 - 1

3.04.2010

Thursday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: David Lee, Unfrozen Caveman Bogut
.533 - .833 - 0 - 21 - 18 - 8 - 3 - 1

Loose Stool: Al Thornton, Teen Wolf
.250 - NA - 0 - 2 - 1 - 1 - 0 - 0

Shart: Mike Conley, Noah's Ark
.611 - .600 - 1 - 26 - 3 - 7 - 5 - 0

Upper Decker: Tracy McGrady, Power Bottom & Jelly
.500 - .875 - 2 - 21 - 7 - 8 - 3 - 1

3.02.2010

Tuesday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.


Hot Shit: Baron Davis
.500 - .750 - 2 - 19 - 5 - 12 - 1 - 2

Loose Stool: Kirk Hinrich, Bronxville BitchSmackers
.111 - NA - 0 - 2 - 2 - 6 - 0 - 0

Shart: Darren Collison, WWTMD
.417 - NA - 0 - 10 - 5 - 15 - 2 - 0
15 assists just a night after notching 30+ points deserves some dap, I thought.

Upper Decker: Marcus Thornton, Call em Bullets
.632 - .000 - 6 - 30 - 7 - 2 - 0 - 0

Dev Batta Memorial Piece of Shit Award: Paul Millsap, Cowboys
.600 - .833 - 0 - 17 - 2 - 3 - 2 - 2
Millsap is my go-to guy here.

3.01.2010

Monday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.


Hot Shit:Andray Blatche, Call em Bullets
.548 - .667 - 0 - 36 - 15 - 4 - 2 - 2
Wanted to make this a Shart, and point out that post-AS Break Blatche deserves some kind of lifetime achievement Shart, but it was definitely the best line of the evening, so it had to go here. Welcome to the big time, Andray.

Loose Stool: Luc Richard Mbah a Moute, Call em Bullets
.000 - NA - 0 - 0 - 0 - 1 - 0 - 0

Shart: Lamar Odom, Cowboys
.615 - .750 - 1 - 20 - 12 - 1 - 4 - 1
I believe this is Lamar's first Octo of the year. Congrats, Lamar.


Dev Batta Memorial Piece of Shit Award: Brendan Haywood, Teen Wolf
.667 - .800 - 0 - 12 - 9 - 0 - 2 - 2
This shit is catching.

I just realized that Dekker sat his Centers in an effort to overtake Dev in Free Throw Percentage, after he had already iced the other categories. I apologize for this oversight on the part of the Faculty.

2.27.2010

Saturday Lunch Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.


Hot Shit: Jason Kidd, Unfrozen Caveman Bogut
.389 - .500 - 4 - 19 - 16 - 17 - 2 - 0
Kidd has been insanely good the past month, and this tops it off. Of course it was against me.


Loose Stool: Peja Stojakovic, Corn Rows n Tats
.286 - NA - 0 - 4 - 0 - 0 - 2 - 0
Shart: Josh Smith, Call em Bullets
.533 - .667 - 0 - 18 - 11 - 8 - 7 - 1
I also considered giving this to Mo Williams for his incredible 11 threes in two consecutive nights, but the near quadruple-double won me over.


Upper Decker: Javale McGee, Black Prezodents
.583 - .667 - 0 - 18 - 10 - 2 - 0 - 5
Picked up Javale and Birdman for their blocks, and proceeded to leave 8 blocks on the bench with them last night. Nice management, Viche.


Dev Batta Memorial Piece of Shit Award: Hedo Turkoglu, Cowboys
.500 - NA - 2 - 18 - 4 - 2 - 2 - 0

2.26.2010

Friday Noonish Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Stephen Curry, Noah's Ark
.579 - 1.000 - 2 - 30 - 7 - 13 - 2 - 1

Loose Stool: Shaquille O'Neal, Power Bottom & Jelly
.375 - NA - 0 - 6 - 2 - 0 - 0 - 0

Shart:
No one surprised me last night. Nice consistency, NBA players.

Dev Batta Memorial Piece of Shit Award: Ray Allen, Cowboys
.538 - 1.000 - 4 - 21 - 2 - 1 - 1 - 0

A Dose of Reality

I just read a few things about actual, reality basketball that I found very interesting, and I thought I'd share them with you. First there is Simmons' latest column, about the circumstances that have led to the very likely upcoming NBA strike/lockout. You've probably already read it, but did you read it on your Kindle? No, because you're not a badass like me. Anyway, I liked it because despite writing from "the fan's perspective" (which hasn't really been true for a long time), Simmons rarely gets this righteously angry at the sports figures he writes about, even though he (and we) have every right to.

The second thing I read, which is actually far more useful if not as emotionally appealing, is from Blazer's Edge. It's an assessment of each team's cap situation going into this mammoth SUMMER OF 2010 that we've all been hearing about for seemingly five years now. You can read it yourself, but because writing it out myself helps me understand things, and because I want to have a more roster-centric look at the situation, I'm going to summarize it in my own way after the jump.

2.25.2010

Thursday Afternoon Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Dwight Howard, Teen Wolf
1.000 - .667 - 0 - 30 - 16 - 3 - 0 - 1
I wonder if anyone has ever scored more points with a perfect FGP.

Loose Stool: Marvin Williams, Noah's Ark
.000 - .800 - 0 - 4 - 1 - 0 - 0 - 0

Shart: Luol Deng, Teen Wolf
.526 - .909 - 1 - 31 - 9 - 3 - 0 - 4

Upper Decker: Brendan Haywood, Teen Wolf
.667 - .750 - 0 - 11 - 9 - 2 - 1 - 5
Teen Wolf dominating the Dump today.

Dev Batta Memorial Piece of Shit Award: Derrick Rose, Bronxville BitchSmackers
.526 - .750 - 0 - 23 - 9 - 8 - 1 - 1
Pretty psyched that in its first appearance, Dev can't even manage to win his own award. Not psyched if this is a sign of things to come from Steffens, though.

2.24.2010

Wednesday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Kobe Bryant, Bronxville BitchSmackers
.684 - 1.000 - 3 - 32 - 7 - 6 - 3 - 2
3 more boards and this is a Super-Duper Octo. Nice night, Kobe.

Loose Stool: Robin Lopez, Bronxville BitchSmackers
.000 - 1.000 - 0 - 2 - 2 - 0 - 0 - 0
Funny, until I saw this line, I was giving it to Channing Frye. Way to go, Suns big men! Maybe Lou Amundson had a big night?

Shart: Louis Williams, Unfrozen Caveman Bogut
.571 - 1.000 - 5 - 26 - 10 - 7 - 1 - 0

2.23.2010

Week 17 in Review: Game Re-Caps

Last week we saw the faces of many NBA franchises made over by a bevy of trades, which in turn changed the complexion of many Cluj rosters and sent active owners scampering for newly valuable talent. I just had the chance to watch two of those teams, the Bulls (now without John Salmons and Tyrus Thomas) and the Wizards (who lost just about every player you could have previously named on the Wizards). Amazingly, the losses of Antawn Jamison, Caron Butler, Brendan Haywood and DeShawn Stevenson, as well as the suspensions of Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton, seem to have energized a team that, on paper, has probably the worst roster in the NBA at this point. After beating the Bulls tonight, the Wiz kids have won three of four since the All-Star break. And while I harbor no illusions about Washington actually becoming a contender or anything this season, there is at least reason to believe that watching the team during the remainder of the year may be fun again. Will the impending Cluj trade deadline (March 4th) re-energize any of our teams in a similar way? I hope to start finding out soon. While I wait, though, I'll entertain myself by examing last week's games in thorough detail. Here's Week 17:

2.22.2010

Monday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Stephen Curry, Noah's Ark
.722 - 1.000 - 1 - 32 - 9 - 3 - 1 - 0
There are other guys you could make a case for, but the percentages here swayed me.

Loose Stool: Spencer Hawes, Power Bottom & Jelly
1.000 - .500 - 0 - 7 - 1 - 0 - 0 - 0
Then again, not all percentages are created equal. 1.000 on three shots is still just six points.

Shart: Russell Westbrook, Black Prezodents
.474 - 1.000 - 0 - 22 - 10 - 14 - 2 - 0

Upper Decker: Ray Allen, Cowboys
.643 - 1.000 - 2 - 25 - 5 - 4 - 0 - 1

2.19.2010

Friday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: LeBron James, Unfrozen Caveman Bogut
.455 - .706 - 1 - 43 - 13 - 15 - 2 - 4
That is just an insane line. I can't really think of a better one.

Loose Stool: Rasheed Wallace, Power Bottom & Jelly
.182 - .000 - 0 - 4 - 3 - 0 - 0 - 2

Shart: Kenyon Martin, Bronxville BitchSmackers
.444 - 1.000 - 0 - 18 - 17 - 1 - 2 - 1

Upper Decker: Ray Allen, Cowboys
.667 - .000 - 4 - 24 - 2 - 2 - 0 - 0

2.18.2010

Thursday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Jason Kidd, Unfrozen Caveman Bogut
.545 - 1.000 - 4 - 18 - 7 - 10 - 7 - 0

Dwight Howard, Teen Wolf
.688 - .846 - 0 - 33 - 17 - 3 - 0 - 7
These lines were both so good, I didn't feel the need to choose between them. Both deserve recognition.

Loose Stool: Kevin Martin, Power Bottom & Jelly
.444 - .400 - 0 - 10 - 2 - 0 - 0 - 0
Maybe not a good idea to tell a guy at halftime that he's been traded.

Shart: Anthony Morrow, Call em Bullets
.450 - 1.000 - 4 - 25 - 5 - 5 - 1 - 1

Upper Decker: Paul Millsap, Cowboys
.846 - .667 - 0 - 24 - 8 - 2 - 3 - 3

2.17.2010

Wednesday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Kevin Durant, Black Prezodents
.321 - .625 - 2 - 25 - 14 - 2 - 0 - 3

Loose Stool: Ben Gordon, Power Bottom & Jelly
.364 - .000 - 0 - 8 - 1 - 2 - 1 - 0

Shart: Jason Richardson, Teen Wolf
.706 - .500 - 2  - 27 - 6 - 1 - 2 - 2

Upper Decker: Paul Millsap, Cowboys
.727 - .667 - 0 - 20 - 12 - 0 - 2 - 2

2.16.2010

Week 16 in Review: Game Re-Caps

In case you were only paying attention to your own game, you selfish prick.

The seemingly interminable All-Star break is over tonight, and I'm enjoying what should be a defense-less match between the Suns and Grizzlies on NBATV. I was also looking forward to a battle of large shagginess with Robin "Sideshow Bob" Lopez taking on Marc "the Grizzliest Grizzly" Gasol, but the mighty Spaniard is rocking a pretty clean look these days. It's unfortunate.
Anyways, as I bask in the onset of the race to the playoffs, I thought I'd take an abbreviated look back at last week's results, based though they were on essentially three nights of basketball. Here is Cluj Week 16:

2.15.2010

Charts & Figgers

High-level statistical analysis from a man who hasn't taken a math class since high school.

This weekend was, of course, NBA All-Star Weekend, which is in many ways the highlight of the NBA regular season (or, as Simmons calls it, the Black SuperBowl). With this in mind, I've crafted a pretty monumental Charts & Figgers, focusing on Octuplets. I've even managed, for possibly the first time in the history of Charts & Figgers, to produce a few actual Charts.* First, though, a few thoughts on All-Star Saturday:

*Moving out of New York has been a little depressing for me, but in a way I'm happy that I was nowhere near Bardey when the Texas Shooting Stars team defeated Thunder Dan's 37-second record, especially considering that Kenny Smith was shooting jump shots from mid-court.

*I am not much of a Paul Pierce fan, but it made me happy (and made me respect him a bit more) to see how legitimately happy a guy who's been an All-Star many times and won a championship was to have won the 3-point shooting contest. It was a nice departure from last year when a near-catatonic Derrick Rose won the Skills contest.

*The dunk contest, after a few solid years, went back to being incredibly lame. I was especially disappointed in Gerald Wallace, who looked like he had put about 30 seconds of thought into his dunks. That said, I still love him, especially after noticing for the first time how much he looks like Sho Nuff.

*Comment of the night? When Kenny Smith tried to quote the Waltons by saying "G'night, John-Paul" and Kenny Albert called him out on it.

OK, onto the Octos:

2.10.2010

Week 15 in Review: Game Re-Caps


In case you were only paying attention to your own game, you selfish prick.

Journal Entry: February 10, 2010; Day 112 of the Great Virginia Snow-In
Had the same dream last night. The one where I step out the front door and there it is, all around me: the ground. Grass. Pavement. Dirt. It's everywhere, starting at my feet and spreading outward, seemingly into infinity. I turn my gaze up to the sky, and in place of the bullet-gray expanse I know there is a deep sea of blue, illuminated by a glowing yellow orb. My god, I think, it's beautiful. I had forgotten how beautiful...

And then I awake to another day of the White Menace. When will this accursed winter end? When will the Big Yeti Upstairs lift his awful spell? Supplies are low. We are down to our last fifty frozen meatballs, and the scrapings of the WisPride jar are barely enough to cover a single Triscuit. When the actual physical nutrition has run out, at least I'll be able to nourish my soul, as ever, with fantasty basketball statistics. Here, your Week 15 Game-Caps:

Wednesday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

I just took my actual morning dump, and it was a serious growler. I guess that's what meatballs, a bottle of wine, and toenail popcorn will do to you. By the way, if you get a chance to get yourself some of these meatballs from Costco or wherever my mom gets them, do yourself a favor and give them a try. Delicious. Kinda spicy, like sausage, but healthy-ish (chicken!).

Hot Shit: Carlos Boozer, Corn Rows n Tats
.765 - .889 - 0 - 34 - 14 - 4 - 4 - 0

Loose Stool: Charlie Villanueva, Power Bottom & Jelly
.000 - NA - 0 - 0 - 4 - 0 - 0 - 0

Shart: Luol Deng, Teen Wolf
.500 - .714 - 0 - 23 - 11 - 2 - 3 - 2

Upper Decker: Chris Andersen, Black Prezodents
.667 - .857 - 0 - 14 - 10 - 1 - 2 - 1

2.09.2010

Tuesday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

After a weekend snowed in in DC, I'm back to Richmond and back on the job. There weren't many games on Monday night, but that just makes the competition for Dump awards that much more intense.

Hot Shit: Pau Gasol, Corn Rows n Tats
.400 - 1.000 - 0 - 21 - 19 - 8 - 1 - 5
Even from my opponent, I can't help but be in awe of that line. You really couldn't ask for any more from a big man.

Loose Stool: Young Spurs
George Hill, Call em Bullets
.250 - 1.000 - 0 - 5 - 3 - 1 - 0 - 0
DeJuan Blair, Black Prezodents
.455 - 1.000 - 0 - 11 - 2 - 0 - 0 - 1
This may have been a serious free agent blunder. Boris Diaw, this song's for you:


Shart: Vince Carter, Bronxville BitchSmackers
.704 - 1.000 - 6 - 48 - 7 - 2 - 0 - 0

2.04.2010

Thursday Noonish Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Dwyane Wade
.688 - .750 - 2 - 30 - 5 - 13 - 1 - 2

Loose Stool: Stephen Curry, Noah's Ark
.167 - 1.000 - 0 - 6 - 0 - 3 - 0 - 0

Shart: Tyreke Evans, Unfrozen Caveman Bogut
.611 - .778 - 3 - 32 - 7 - 8 - 2 - 1

Upper Decker: Paul Millsap, Cowboys
.500 - 1.000 - 0 - 12 - 9 - 5 - 0 - 2
(Mehmet Okur of Noah's Ark was a very close second.)

It was a pretty awesome night for the league in general. Tons of guys going, and seems like every team I looked at had a Hot Shit candidate. There were like a million double-doubles, a few near triple-doubles, and five octuplets (Dwade, 'Reke, Manu Ginobili, Marcus Thornton, and Jason Richardson). Basically, the only person in the whole league that sucked was Steph Curry. Redemption, thy name be Bardois.

2.03.2010

Charts & Figgers

High-level statistical analysis from a man who hasn't done math since high school.

Last season, I wrote a Charts & Figgers in which I analyzed each team's MVP by assessing what percentage of the team's total output in each category was produced by each player. It was an interesting exercise, but it was particularly suited to those all-around players that contribute in every category. Those are the type of guys I love, but it doesn't mean there's no place in the Cluj for the freaks who dominate just one category. In thinking about these guys, I wondered to myself: who are the guys who are most capable of swinging a single category all by themselves? Who are the Big Swinging Dicks of Cluj '09-'10? And who is the biggest swinging dick of all? To find out, I did some math.


Wednesday Noonish Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

I had hoped Will would take care of today's Dump, since I think he's home sick from work, but I guess the sneezies and snifflies were just too much for his poor wittle head to wap itself around some basketball box scores. So (slightly late) here's mine...

Hot Shit: Chris Bosh, Cowboys
.591 - .750 - 0 - 35 - 15 - 3 - 1 - 2

Loose Stool: Mike Conley, Noah's Ark
.167 - .500 - 0 - 3 - 2 - 0 - 1 - 0
Yes, Charlie V had a worse night, but he only played 8 minutes or something. Conley had plenty of time to work with and did nothing with it.

Shart: Aaron Brooks, Cowboys
.500 - .500 - 2 - 24 - 8 - 6 - 0 - 0
This isn't really a surprise; Brooks has been pretty awesome all year. But there weren't a lot of truly "surprising" Shart candidates last night.

Also, for anyone who (like me) thought that Steffens just set his line-ups and otherwise didn't really participate in the league (blog, message boards, etc), here's the e-mail I got from him today:
"I'll have you know that Carter missed an Octy by one free throw a day after you called him out."

True, Steffens. Very true. I hope that makes up in your eyes for the many weeks worth of shitty performances by him.

2.02.2010

Tuesday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Deron Williams, Corn Rows n Tats
.467 - 1.000 - 1 - 18 - 7 - 15 - 2 - 0

Loose Stool: Jason Thompson, Unfrozen Caveman Bogut
.400 - NA - 0 - 4 - 4 - 1 - 0 - 1
Randy Foye, WWTMD
.000 - 1.000 - 0 - 2 - 0 - 4 - 0 - 0


Shart: Kenyon Martin, Bronxville BitchSmackers
.667 - .500 - 0 - 24 - 12 - 3 - 1 - 2

Upper Decker: Paul Millsap, Cowboys
.625 - .833 - 0 - 25 - 9 - 1 - 1 - 4

2.01.2010

Week 14 in Review: Game Re-Caps

In case you were only paying attention to your own game, you selfish prick.

We're back in business, baby! The football season is just about over, I've completed my move from NYC to Richmond, and it's time to dive back into Cluj with reckless abandon. If the past few days are any indication, I'm going to have a lot of free time on my hands living down here, and that means extensive bloggetry. We kick it off with the first game re-caps of the year. Here is your Week 14 in Review:

Monday Afternoon Dump

This is a very late dump, but this is my first full week in Richmond and I am trying to establish some new habits while I'm down here (exercise, less booze, a job), among which is contributing something to this blog on as close to a daily basis as possible. So for today I'm taking a Dump, and tonight will probably get started on a Week in Review. Enjoy.

Hot Shit: LeBron James, Unfrozen Caveman Bogut
.500 - .875 - 5 - 32 - 3 - 11 - 1 - 0

Loose Stool: Vince Carter, Bronxville BitchSmackers
.125 - NA - 0 - 2 - 3 - 1 - 1 - 0

Shart: Trevor Ariza, Corn Rows n Tats
.333 - .500 - 4 - 21 - 7 - 4 - 2 - 1

Upper Decker: Yi Jianlian, Bronxville BitchSmackers
.467 - NA - 1 - 15 - 12 - 2 - 3 - 1

1.16.2010

Saturday Morning Dump

A quick daily (ha!) look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Antawn Jamison, Cowboys
.440 - .643 - 3 - 34 - 18 - 5 - 1 - 0

Loose Stool: Vince Carter, Corn Rows n Tats
.143 - .667 - 1 - 5 - 0 - 2 - 0 - 1

Shart: Richard Hamilton, Call em Bullets
.455 - .857 - 0 - 32 - 3 - 10 - 3 - 0

and with so many games going and active players benched, we even get a...
Upper Decker: Boris Diaw, Black Prezodents
.714 - 1.000 - 4 - 26 - 11 - 2 - 0 - 1

1.08.2010

Friday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

There was only one NBA game last night, and it was hardly a pair of powerhouses - Bobcats vs. Knicks - but for some reason I woke up at 5am this morning, so figured I might as well take a dump.

Hot Shit: Stephen Jackson, Black Prezodents
.384 - .667 - 2 - 26 - 7 - 3 - 3 - 1

Loose Stool: Nate Robinson, WWTMD
.500 - 1.000 - 2 - 10 - 2 - 1 - 0 - 0

Shart: Wilson Chandler, Unfrozen Caveman Bogut
.524 - 1.000 - 1 - 27 - 7 - 6 - 0 - 0

1.06.2010

Wednesday Noonish Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Tyreke Evans, Unfrozen Caveman Bogut
.435 - 1.000 - 0 - 27 - 11 - 7 - 2 - 1

Loose Stool: Michael Redd, Power Bottom & Jelly
.222 - 1.000 - 1 - 9 - 1 - 2 - 0 - 0

Shart: Lamar Odom, Cowboys
.700 - 1.000 - 0 - 17 - 19 - 9 - 0 - 1

1.05.2010

Tuesday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Kevin Durant, Black Prezodents
.643 - 1.000 - 2 - 25 - 8 - 3 - 1 - 0

Loose Stool: John Salmons, Noah's Ark
.125 - NA - 1 - 3- 2 - 0 - 1 - 0

Shart: Russell Westbrook, Black Prezodents
.542 - .600 - 0 - 29 - 7 - 6 - 2 - 0

1.04.2010

It's Me... Mario!

I just Google Image searched "Michael Beasley afro," wanting to make his new 'do my team image. The fifth result was this:


That's Ron Jeremy. As Mario. Awesome.

Monday Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

The first Morning Dump of 2010. Yay!
Hot Shit: Mo Williams, Bronxville BitchSmackers
.588 - 1.000 - 5 - 27 - 5 - 6 - 1 - 0

Loose Stool: Anderson Varejao, Corn Rows n Tats
.125 - NA - 0 - 2 - 4 - 1 - 1 - 1

Shart: Chris Duhon, Call em Bullets
.750 - NA - 6 - 18 - 3 - 7 - 2 - 0