League MBPs

There are probably thousands of fantasy basketball league commissioner/bloggers out there, and probably hundreds of them name the MVPs for each team at the end of the season. But only here on the Faculty of Letters will you see the league MBPs, which is to say the Most Black Prezodential players for each team in Cluj. With my season basically over, and with several long-time Black Prezodents recently disappointing me (I'm looking at you, B-Diddy and Rasheed), it's time to evaluate who of this year's non-Black Prezodents are the best candidates for next year's squad.
For those of you who enjoy drafting spitefully (Beb), I recommend you bookmark and save this document in anticipation of crushing my soul during next year's draft.

Monta's Revenge aka Browless Wonders
Featuring a panoply of players I hate (Charlie Villanueva, Luis Scola, Jamal Crawford, Jeff Foster), it's not easy finding a Black Prezodent amidst this collection of suckers and lame-o's. But one man stands out as a BP-type player, and in fact was on my roster last season. He's a potent scorer off the bench, he wears a headband, and his nickname is also his initials. For all this and more, the Browless Wonders' MBP is Jason Terry.

Fear the Turtle
True to their name and home base, Dev's squad is full of DMV (District/Maryland/Virginia) representatives: Bodymore Murdaland's Carmelo Anthony, former Terp Chris Wilcox, and Tuff Juice Wizard Caron Butler. Any of these might make a fine Black Prezodent, but the team MBP hails from further south, and thanks to some quality artwork by the fine people at Free Darko, is also the desktop to my computer. I give you the rare team MBP who is also team MVP, Joe Johnson.

Professor Dribbles
I love me some Kobe. As I've mentioned several times here before, I find him to be a Lex Luthor/Joker-like character, a criminal mastermind who is more interesting due to his evil genius than boring superheroes like LeBron or Dwight Howard. And yet, Kobe is maybe too iconic to be a true Black Prezodent. And while his thinly-disguised malevolence makes him a fascinating character, he is probably not suited to occupy the BP Oval Office. Similarly, I would have named Derrick Rose a first-ballot Black Prezodent after his season in Memphis last year, but a year in Chicago red has largely turned me against him. Trevor Ariza was my boy until his brutal foul on Rudy Fernandez a few weeks ago and subsequent lack of remorse. So is there anyone amongst the Dribblers that qualifies as an MBP? I see only one player whose game is high-flying, bad-ass, and yet ultimately useless enough to render him a Black Prezodent: Tyson Chandler.

Snap Jelly Soldiers
This is a pretty easy one (at least for me and those that know my basketball fandom well, which is to say anyone reading this), so I'll take a minute first to acknowledge that OJ Mayo, on another team, would probably be a solid candidate for the Black Prezodency. If you've ever heard the story of how he ended up at USC--essentially eschewing the recruiting process by calling Tim Floyd one day, unprompted, and telling him he was coming--you know the attitude of a potential BP (as long as you can back that swagger up). But the true MBP of this team would probably never do anything like this. Instead, he'll sacrifice his body (and brain) for a wild block attempt or out-of-bounds salvage, and is soulful enough to miss half a dozen games when there's a death in the family, even though he'd return from a punctured lung(!) after just a few weeks. Of course it's the man known as "Crash," Gerald Wallace.

Dominique Moceanu
When I started this blog, I did a semi-regular segment known as "This Week in Black Prezodential History," in which I identified old-school players who fit the BP ethos. I retired the segment before completing the chronology, but the idea was always going to be for the first Black Prezodent to be an old favorite of mine, James Worthy. Why do I mention this now? Because rumor has it that, coming back from his detached retina surgery, Amare' Stoudemire is going to start sporting rec-specs. And when he does, don't you think he'll look just like this?:

One Down... One to Go
My fantasy squad last year featured Josh Howard, and as a remarkably candid and admitted pot-smoker, he certainly would be welcome to one of the Black Prezodent's post-game parties. But in a way his game is a bit too understated and traditional to truly be Prezodential. No, the One Down player whose physical freakishness, cool nickname (J-Smooth), and tendency to disappear for games at a time only to break out in a 5-minute spurt of brilliance most meets the Black Prez standard of dopeness is undoubtedly Josh Smith.

Black Ice
Hakim Warrick. I don't really have any idea why. He's not particularly good. And I don't know enough of his personality to know if he's cool. But for some reason, every time I looked at Reeves' roster this season, I thought to myself, "If I thought Reeves would respond to a trade offer within three months, I'd try to get Hakim Warrick.

Kill Whitey
Oh boy. Kill Whitey is my sworn enemy, and although the Black Prezodents are not entirely dedicated to having all-black players, there aren't many whiteys around who fit in to our little family. The only non-afro player to join the squad this year (Rudy Fernandez) did not do so until a week ago, and he had the threefold benefits of being a) a Blazer, b) swag-tastic, and c) a swarthy Spaniard. By that logic, only one of these honkies could survive in a mostly dark-skinned, big-dicked BP locker room. He plays for a team I like to root for; he's not exactly swaggy, but he does have the snooty scruffiness of a Brooklyn hipster; and he is, again, a swarthy Spaniard: Pau Gasol. (Pow!)

Great Oden's Raven
We all remember the little tantrum I threw back in October when Beb drafted Greg Oden ahead of me. And indeed, Oden would be the leading MBP on almost any team in the league. He's also, on a personal level, probably one of the players I'd most like to have. But the Black Prezodents aren't just about me: they're about a concept that goes far beyond me. A belief that arises from the Black Prezodent in each of us. And the player who most epitomizes that belief is not, in fact, Greg Oden. As (I think) Will said recently: "How is Stephen Jackson not a Black Prezodent?" How, indeed?

Working's fo Suckers
Part of Oden's appeal, aside from being a lumbering 7-footer, a humorous blogger, and a middle-aged man masquerading as a 20-year old, is that he's a Blazer. My love for Portland has been well-documented on this blog, but I'll take a moment now to explain again: while an inborn love for the home-town team is a force not to be fucked with, there's a magical force at work when you find a team that you have no specific connection to and yet find them to perfectly match your idea of "your team." And when that connection manages to last, as mine has from the Pippen-'Sheed-Sabonis days to the Roy-Aldridge-Oden days, there's something special there. And part of the joy of following a team like that is knowing the whole squad, not just the stars but the guys off the bench who make the team what they are. Such is the case with Working's fo Suckers MBP, a bench Blazer who is nevertheless a bad-ass. Many's the time I've watched him come off the bench to dominate the fourth quarter, and in post-game interviews he's revealed himself to be a cool, Southern dude whose laid-back demeanor belies his ability to pour on the offense when called upon to do so. His nickname is "Catfish," which is an especially appropriate one in this context because I actually had him on my roster for a brief spell back in the fall, and foolishly let him go. He is the one that got away: Travis Outlaw.

Screen Team
I've spent the past two paragraphs raving about Blazers' players, and then I come to the team with Brandon Roy and Lamarcus Aldridge. It'd be easy to pick either of these guys as an MBP, but in the interests of not going totally Blazer-centric, I'll focus my energies elsewhere. So is there another Screen Teamers with a badass game, who plays for a team I root for, with a bad-ass game? There sure is: Raymond Felton.

So there you have it: the Most Black Prezodential players from across the Cluj University league. How would a full roster of these players fill out? Let's take a look:
PG: Raymond Felton
SG: Joe Johnson
G: Jason Terry
SF: Stephen Jackson
PF: Gerald Wallace
F: Josh Smith
C: Pau Gasol
C: Amare' Stoudemire
U: Travis Outlaw
Bench: Tyson Chandler

Bench: Hakim Warrick
Not a bad squad, right? And all unimpeachably (get it?) cool. Here's hoping that that line-up vaguely resembles the 2009-2010 Black Prezodent roster.