Reign Man

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Oh, Memphis

The Grizzlies have some uniforms that look like this:

Honestly, I think they're one of the best-, if not the best-looking unis in the Association.

So why, oh why, were they wearing these tonight?

Who is creating the demand for shiny uniforms? Who has decided that nothing says basketball style like lamé? I just don't get it.

Easy, Googs. Easy.

Pre-Season Prez

We're just a few days away from the Season Opener (and our draft) and I was going through the depth charts, identifying dudes I'm psyched about drafting this year. I'm not going to publish that list (well, maybe after the draft), but I'm willing to admit that one of the guys I was on the fence about was Andray Blatche. I decided to do a little research, and was reminded of the time that Blatche was arrested for trying to pick up a hooker who was actually an undercover cop. And of the fact that he didn't have to do any time or anything, he just had to go to a "day-long seminar for men who solicited prostitutes." The arrest is old news, I know, but I'm really curious about what gets taught at that class. What can they possibly say to them all day other than "Don't"?

Also: Heatedness between Lamar and the Birdman tonight. In pre-season! I like it.

Off-Season Notes

So, word on the street is that the Blazers made Lamar Odom an offer but swore him to secrecy in case the deal fell through. Which, of course, it did, as that offer is reportedly what pushed the Lakers to finally make an honest man out of him. The question is: why the (failed) secrecy, Portland? The answer is undoubtedly that they were seeking to avoid the crushing feeling of disappointment it would engender in me to know that a cornerstone player of my basketball fandom could have ended up on my favorite team. But alas... it looks like I'm a Laker fan again this year (and I am certainly interested to see Ron-Ron's impact).
Between Lamar not going to the Blazers, the 'Zards passing up their shot at Brandon Jennings or Tyreke Evans (and those two ending up on - ugh - the Bucks and Kings), and the Commonwealth's own Eric Maynor's one-way ticket to the Utah pine behind Deron Williams, and it has been a summer of mis-placed talent for my favorite players. Where can all these players find a true home? You guessed it... the 2009-2010 Black Prezodents. Only 3 months away!

I should also note that there was one huge positive free agent move for BPs this summer, as Rasheed and Rajon join raforces. The defining Black Prez position-inversion anti-star moment can not be far off: one of the Big 3 misses a wide open jumper, and the slithery guard snakes under the basket for the board and kicks out to the raggedy forward who knocks down a three. Commence pants-jizzing.

Playoff Power Rankings

Having puked thrice already this morning, I find myself inside on the couch on the nicest NYC day so far this year. But at least I have the Playoffs to keep me company. Here's my ranking from 1-16 of what teams I'm supporting during this post-season.

1. Portland Trail Blazers

2. Denver Nuggets

3. Atlanta Hawks

4. Los Angeles Lakers

5. Boston Celtics

6. Detroit Pistons

7. New Orleans Hornets

8. Philadelphia 76ers

9. Dallas Mavericks

10. Miami Heat

11. Utah Jazz

12. Chicago Bulls

13. Orlando Magic

14. Houston Rockets

15. Cleveland Cavaliers

16. San Antonio Spurs

Now, inevitably there are teams that win my heart over with their play in the first round, but considering that I've watched more regular season NBA this year than ever before, I'd like to think that these allegiances will be relatively static. I'd love to year y'all's rankings.

Regional NBA Squads

First of all, if you haven't read the Collegiate NBA Squads post, check that out first. 

After finishing that, I decided to take this a step further and figure out which region could put together the best team. This meant a bit more effort, as it took looking up where each player was born, and then a bit more effort as I realized that where you're born is not always necessarily where you're "from." For example, Paul Pierce was born in Oakland, California, but is far more often associated with Los Angeles. If there were differences between where a player was born and where they went to high school, I tried to do a little research and determine where they would say they "grew up." Going to Oak Hill Academy does not make you a Virginian (unfortunately). Some players, I decided, didn't have a sufficient enough affiliation with any part of the country or world to make a squad: sorry, Kobe Bryant. That's what you get for being so fucking sophisticated and international. 

Anyways, listed below are the teams, with reserves listed where appropriate:

Metrostars 

New York & New Jersey

PG: Rafer Alston, Ben Gordon

SG: Ron Artest, JR Smith

SF: Lamar Odom, Charlie Villanueva

PF: David West, Troy Murphy

C: Andrew Bynum, Elton Brand

I would have liked to have put together an all-NYC roster, but decided that allowing a little regional variety was better than having to include Stephon Marbury and Bassy Telfair. Overall, this might be the most realistic of the regional teams, in that I could imagine an NBA GM managing to put these guys together. That said, most of the other teams are like All-Star squads, so it doesn't bode well for the success of the Metrostars.

Coffee & Rain

The Pacific Northwest (Washington, Oregon, Northern California)

PG: Jason Kidd, Nate Robinson

SG: Brandon Roy, Jason Terry

SF: Marvin Williams, Bruce Bowen

PF: Kevin Love

C: Spencer Hawes

I was pretty surprised at the level of talent coming out of a region not traditionally associated with basketball. Seattle alone boasts Robinson, Roy, Terry, Hawes, and Rodney Stuckey. Still, not a lot of big men coming out of this area, and though Love and Hawes are young and promising, Coffee & Rain will require some frontcourt help before they can compete.

Corn-Fed

The Midwest (Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, Missouri)

PG: Devin Harris, Derrick Rose

SG: Dwyane Wade, Eric Gordon

SF: Andre Iguodala, Caron Butler

PF: Zach Randolph, David Lee

C: Brad Miller, Greg Oden

A large region, and the first that I'd call a contender. Like Coffee & Rain, the frontcourt has some weakness, and their inside success will depend on the development of Oden. Corn-Fed has four fantastic guards, though, (five if you include Caron) and one of the best players in the game in Dwyane Wade.

DMV

DC, Maryland, Virginia

PG: Allen Iverson

SG: Kevin Durant, Jeff Green

SF: Rudy Gay, Grant Hill

PF: Carmelo Anthony, Michael Beasley

C: Roy Hibbert

I could have made a Mid-Atlantic region, or included Virginia in the Atlantic South, but I thought maybe we could hold our own as a region. Depth is obviously an issue here, as is the fact that Durant, Green, Gay, Hill, and 'Melo are all essentially small forwards. Still, the swagger on this squad is phenomenal, and the idea of AI and Grant Hill (the anti-Iverson) as veteran co-leaders makes me laugh.

Country South

Kentucky, Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Arkansas

PG: Rajon Rondo, Mo Williams

SG: Joe Johnson, Monta Ellis

SF: Danny Granger, Shawn Marion

PF: Gerald Wallace, Paul Millsap

C: Al Jefferson, Ben Wallace

Perhaps not surprisingly, this is probably my favorite squad. With the exception of Al Jefferson, all of the starters are either Black Prezodents or would-be BPs. This is also a flexible team, able to bring defensive specialists and pure scorers off the bench. This being the Country South, they're also mostly humble dudes, so no problems with superstars co-existing here.

Atlantic South

North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Florida

PG: Chris Paul, Raymond Felton

SG: Vince Carter, Josh Howard

SF: Tracy McGrady, Josh Smith

PF: Kevin Garnett, Antawn Jamison

C: Dwight Howard, Amare' Stoudemire

This is my pick for the winner. Lots of ACC representation, fitting the region, and lots of damn good basketball. Paul/Garnett/Howard alone is probably enough to win it all for them, even if Carter's motivational issues or McGrady's injury issues become a factor. A Garnett-Howard frontcourt pair could probably keep almost anybody from scoring points in the paint.

Born Commies

The former Eastern Bloc

PG: Beno Udrih

SG: Sasha Vujacic

SF: Peja Stojakovic

PF: Andrei Kirilenko

C: Zydrunas Ilgauskas

Not really a serious contender, but fun to say all these names together nonetheless. 

Rust Belt

Pennsylvania, Delaware, Ohio, West Virginia

PG: OJ Mayo

SG: Michael Redd, Rip Hamilton

SF: John Salmons, James Posey

PF: LeBron James, Hakim Warrick

C: Rasheed Wallace

Thanks God the Rust Belt is shit for b-ball, so that LeBron has a challenge. Luckily, his presence at point-forward can cover up this team's lack of a ball distributor. Still, small size and poor depth make this like the Cavaliers of a few years ago: All LeBron, into the Playoffs but out early.

Fallen Empires

Spain, France, Germany

PG: Tony Parker, Jose Calderon

SG: Rudy Fernandez

SF: Dirk Nowitzki, Nicolas Batum

PF: Boris Diaw, Ronny Turiaf

C: Pau Gasol, Marc Gasol

This team can definitely hold its own, and has good size up front with Dirk at the 3. The only thing that keeps them out of title contention for me is a lack of depth.

SoCal

Basically L.A.

PG: Baron Davis, Andre Miller

SG: Gilbert Arenas

SF: Paul Pierce, Tayshaun Prince

PF: Tyson Chandler

C: Brook Lopez

I thought about adding the Desert (Utah, Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Colorado) into this region, but it ended up not really doing much to help the team and eliminated their claim to the title of highest talent-to-area ratio. Truly amazing that this team is all from within probably 30 miles of each other, but they, like other teams are hampered by a relatively weak inside tandem of Chandler and Lopez. If Brook continues to grow, though, this is a solid team a few years down the road.

Conmebol

Brazil and Argentina

PG: Leandro Barbosa

SG: Manu Ginobili

SF: Andres Nocioni

PF: Luis Scola, Anderson Varejao

C: Nene

Easily the most dramatic team in the tournament, guaranteeing moments of potentially all five starters flopping to the floor.

Lone Star

Texas

PG: Deron Williams, TJ Ford

SG: Stephen Jackson, Boobie Gibson

SF: Rashard Lewis, Anthony Randolph

PF: Chris Bosh

C: Shaquille O'Neal, Emeka Okafor

Our Cluj final match-up was all-Austin, and I suspect the regional final could involve some Texans as well. This is a solid squad from top to bottom, and with Bosh/O'Neal/Okafor, has what a lot of other teams lack: size. These guys squaring off against Howard/Stoudemire/Garnett in the final would be a treat, and would also offer up the classic Paul-Williams match-up. I'd pay to see it: let's make it happen.

So what do y'all think? Who's your winner? Who'd I leave out? What line-up changes would you make? Just how long did I spend on this?