Playoff Power Rankings

Having puked thrice already this morning, I find myself inside on the couch on the nicest NYC day so far this year. But at least I have the Playoffs to keep me company. Here's my ranking from 1-16 of what teams I'm supporting during this post-season.

1. Portland Trail Blazers

2. Denver Nuggets

3. Atlanta Hawks

4. Los Angeles Lakers

5. Boston Celtics

6. Detroit Pistons

7. New Orleans Hornets

8. Philadelphia 76ers

9. Dallas Mavericks

10. Miami Heat

11. Utah Jazz

12. Chicago Bulls

13. Orlando Magic

14. Houston Rockets

15. Cleveland Cavaliers

16. San Antonio Spurs

Now, inevitably there are teams that win my heart over with their play in the first round, but considering that I've watched more regular season NBA this year than ever before, I'd like to think that these allegiances will be relatively static. I'd love to year y'all's rankings.

Regional NBA Squads

First of all, if you haven't read the Collegiate NBA Squads post, check that out first. 

After finishing that, I decided to take this a step further and figure out which region could put together the best team. This meant a bit more effort, as it took looking up where each player was born, and then a bit more effort as I realized that where you're born is not always necessarily where you're "from." For example, Paul Pierce was born in Oakland, California, but is far more often associated with Los Angeles. If there were differences between where a player was born and where they went to high school, I tried to do a little research and determine where they would say they "grew up." Going to Oak Hill Academy does not make you a Virginian (unfortunately). Some players, I decided, didn't have a sufficient enough affiliation with any part of the country or world to make a squad: sorry, Kobe Bryant. That's what you get for being so fucking sophisticated and international. 

Anyways, listed below are the teams, with reserves listed where appropriate:

Metrostars 

New York & New Jersey

PG: Rafer Alston, Ben Gordon

SG: Ron Artest, JR Smith

SF: Lamar Odom, Charlie Villanueva

PF: David West, Troy Murphy

C: Andrew Bynum, Elton Brand

I would have liked to have put together an all-NYC roster, but decided that allowing a little regional variety was better than having to include Stephon Marbury and Bassy Telfair. Overall, this might be the most realistic of the regional teams, in that I could imagine an NBA GM managing to put these guys together. That said, most of the other teams are like All-Star squads, so it doesn't bode well for the success of the Metrostars.

Coffee & Rain

The Pacific Northwest (Washington, Oregon, Northern California)

PG: Jason Kidd, Nate Robinson

SG: Brandon Roy, Jason Terry

SF: Marvin Williams, Bruce Bowen

PF: Kevin Love

C: Spencer Hawes

I was pretty surprised at the level of talent coming out of a region not traditionally associated with basketball. Seattle alone boasts Robinson, Roy, Terry, Hawes, and Rodney Stuckey. Still, not a lot of big men coming out of this area, and though Love and Hawes are young and promising, Coffee & Rain will require some frontcourt help before they can compete.

Corn-Fed

The Midwest (Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, Missouri)

PG: Devin Harris, Derrick Rose

SG: Dwyane Wade, Eric Gordon

SF: Andre Iguodala, Caron Butler

PF: Zach Randolph, David Lee

C: Brad Miller, Greg Oden

A large region, and the first that I'd call a contender. Like Coffee & Rain, the frontcourt has some weakness, and their inside success will depend on the development of Oden. Corn-Fed has four fantastic guards, though, (five if you include Caron) and one of the best players in the game in Dwyane Wade.

DMV

DC, Maryland, Virginia

PG: Allen Iverson

SG: Kevin Durant, Jeff Green

SF: Rudy Gay, Grant Hill

PF: Carmelo Anthony, Michael Beasley

C: Roy Hibbert

I could have made a Mid-Atlantic region, or included Virginia in the Atlantic South, but I thought maybe we could hold our own as a region. Depth is obviously an issue here, as is the fact that Durant, Green, Gay, Hill, and 'Melo are all essentially small forwards. Still, the swagger on this squad is phenomenal, and the idea of AI and Grant Hill (the anti-Iverson) as veteran co-leaders makes me laugh.

Country South

Kentucky, Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Arkansas

PG: Rajon Rondo, Mo Williams

SG: Joe Johnson, Monta Ellis

SF: Danny Granger, Shawn Marion

PF: Gerald Wallace, Paul Millsap

C: Al Jefferson, Ben Wallace

Perhaps not surprisingly, this is probably my favorite squad. With the exception of Al Jefferson, all of the starters are either Black Prezodents or would-be BPs. This is also a flexible team, able to bring defensive specialists and pure scorers off the bench. This being the Country South, they're also mostly humble dudes, so no problems with superstars co-existing here.

Atlantic South

North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Florida

PG: Chris Paul, Raymond Felton

SG: Vince Carter, Josh Howard

SF: Tracy McGrady, Josh Smith

PF: Kevin Garnett, Antawn Jamison

C: Dwight Howard, Amare' Stoudemire

This is my pick for the winner. Lots of ACC representation, fitting the region, and lots of damn good basketball. Paul/Garnett/Howard alone is probably enough to win it all for them, even if Carter's motivational issues or McGrady's injury issues become a factor. A Garnett-Howard frontcourt pair could probably keep almost anybody from scoring points in the paint.

Born Commies

The former Eastern Bloc

PG: Beno Udrih

SG: Sasha Vujacic

SF: Peja Stojakovic

PF: Andrei Kirilenko

C: Zydrunas Ilgauskas

Not really a serious contender, but fun to say all these names together nonetheless. 

Rust Belt

Pennsylvania, Delaware, Ohio, West Virginia

PG: OJ Mayo

SG: Michael Redd, Rip Hamilton

SF: John Salmons, James Posey

PF: LeBron James, Hakim Warrick

C: Rasheed Wallace

Thanks God the Rust Belt is shit for b-ball, so that LeBron has a challenge. Luckily, his presence at point-forward can cover up this team's lack of a ball distributor. Still, small size and poor depth make this like the Cavaliers of a few years ago: All LeBron, into the Playoffs but out early.

Fallen Empires

Spain, France, Germany

PG: Tony Parker, Jose Calderon

SG: Rudy Fernandez

SF: Dirk Nowitzki, Nicolas Batum

PF: Boris Diaw, Ronny Turiaf

C: Pau Gasol, Marc Gasol

This team can definitely hold its own, and has good size up front with Dirk at the 3. The only thing that keeps them out of title contention for me is a lack of depth.

SoCal

Basically L.A.

PG: Baron Davis, Andre Miller

SG: Gilbert Arenas

SF: Paul Pierce, Tayshaun Prince

PF: Tyson Chandler

C: Brook Lopez

I thought about adding the Desert (Utah, Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Colorado) into this region, but it ended up not really doing much to help the team and eliminated their claim to the title of highest talent-to-area ratio. Truly amazing that this team is all from within probably 30 miles of each other, but they, like other teams are hampered by a relatively weak inside tandem of Chandler and Lopez. If Brook continues to grow, though, this is a solid team a few years down the road.

Conmebol

Brazil and Argentina

PG: Leandro Barbosa

SG: Manu Ginobili

SF: Andres Nocioni

PF: Luis Scola, Anderson Varejao

C: Nene

Easily the most dramatic team in the tournament, guaranteeing moments of potentially all five starters flopping to the floor.

Lone Star

Texas

PG: Deron Williams, TJ Ford

SG: Stephen Jackson, Boobie Gibson

SF: Rashard Lewis, Anthony Randolph

PF: Chris Bosh

C: Shaquille O'Neal, Emeka Okafor

Our Cluj final match-up was all-Austin, and I suspect the regional final could involve some Texans as well. This is a solid squad from top to bottom, and with Bosh/O'Neal/Okafor, has what a lot of other teams lack: size. These guys squaring off against Howard/Stoudemire/Garnett in the final would be a treat, and would also offer up the classic Paul-Williams match-up. I'd pay to see it: let's make it happen.

So what do y'all think? Who's your winner? Who'd I leave out? What line-up changes would you make? Just how long did I spend on this?

Collegiate NBA Squads

For no real reason whatsoever, I found myself wondering as I fell asleep last night which NCAA program could put together the best starting 5 of current NBA players. Without a doubt, Wake Forest has the best top players, boasting a Big Three of Tim Duncan, Chris Paul, and Josh Howard, but there's only one other Demon Deacon in the whole league (Darius Songaila), so they're eliminated from the tourney.

Since it's my Spring Break, and since I'm at my sister's (who has a working computer), and since I don't have a car to take me anywhere, and since it's raining outside, and since I'm a dork, I spent the past few hours researching and putting together starting 5s. The fruits of my labor:

UConn Huskies

PG Ben Gordon

SG Ray Allen

SF Caron Butler

PF Rudy Gay

C Emeka Okafor

Bench: Rip Hamilton, Charlie Villanueva

A top contender for sure, but not very well-balanced and without a real point guard. This team could shoot jumpers all day, with Okafor just sitting down low to grab their misses and kick 'em back out, but I don't see them being able to stop anybody from scoring either.

Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets

PG Stephon Marbury

SG Jarrett Jack

SF Thaddeus Young

PF Matt Harpring

C Chris Bosh

Bench: Will Bynum

Not really that high on talent level, but I included them just because I was surprised they could field a squad at all. Also it's notable that everyone here is essentially at their natural position.

Kansas Jayhawks

PG Mario Chalmers

SG Kirk Hinrich

SF Paul Pierce

PF Drew Gooden

C Darrell Arthur

Bench: Brandon Rush

Pretty lame big men, but the Truth gives them enough legitimacy to be in the conversation.

North Carolina Tarheels

PG Raymond Felton

SG Vince Carter

SF Marvin Williams

PF Antawn Jamison

C Rasheed Wallace

Bench: Brendan Haywood, Jerry Stackhouse

I wasn't really sure if Stack was still alive or not, but if he is and he can still play basketball I'd probably plug him in at 2, move Carter to 3, and bump Marvin Williams. Kind of shocking, though, that UNC hasn't produced anybody to supplant Stack-Sheed/Carter-Jamison in the past 10-12 years. I don't really see Psycho T doing that NBA-wise, either.

Duke Blue Devils

PG Chris Duhon

SG Luol Deng

SF Corey Maggette

PF Carlos Boozer

C Elton Brand

Bench: Grant Hill, Shane Battier, Mike Dunleavy, JJ Redick

Undoubtedly the deepest bench, which is not surprising considering that Duke has been producing NBA bench players for 25 years now. This is a good, deep group, but they would have looked a lot better a year ago, before Brand and Boozer had serious injuries, and when Maggette was still looking solid in LA.

Florida Gators

PG Corey Brewer

SG Mike Miller

SF Udonis Haslem

PF David Lee

C Al Horford

Bench: Matt Bonner, Joakim Noah

Probably the best defensive squad here, especially with Haslem, Lee and Horford hitting the boards. Still, not a lot of star power or firepower other than Miller and Bonner bombing from outside.

Arizona Wildcats

PG Gilbert Arenas

SG Jason Terry

SF Richard Jefferson

PF Andre Iguodala

C Channing Frye

Bench: Mike Bibby, Luke Walton

Along with UConn, probably the most talented group, but with the same sort of positional problems and absolutely no legit big men. Everybody (well, everybody but Channing Frye) is gonna want to have the ball in their hands and put it through the hoop. And Arenas/Terry/Jefferson all essentially have the same game. Still, they'd score at will.

Texas Longhorns

PG TJ Ford

SG Boobie Gibson

SF Kevin Durant

PF LaMarcus Aldridge

C Chris Mihm

Bench: DJ Augustin

This actually turned out to be my favorite squad, and I think they'd have a chance to win. Everyone is at their natural position. You've got one of the top 10 players in the league (Durant), a legit big man (Aldridge), outside shooting (Gibson) and a solid ball-handler (TJ Ford). But then there's Chris Mihm. If I was the coach of this team, I'd probably play as much small-ball as I could get away with, plugging Augustin in at the point and playing with three guards, Durant and Aldridge.

UCLA Bruins

PG Baron Davis

SG Jason Kapono

SF Trevor Ariza

PF Matt Barnes

C Kevin Love

Bench: Russell Westbrook, Jordan Farmar

A team of role players with Diddy as the focal point? It could work: Diddy drives, draws defenders, kicks out to Kapono for the three. Diddy drives, draws defenders, lays off to Ariza for the jam. Diddy drives, throws up a wildly ambitious layup that clanks off the rim, Barnes and Love grab the board. Yes, this is probably the least-talented group here, but you have to think of the team dynamic.

OK those were the best nine teams I came up with. Who do you guys think takes it? Is there another school out there that could compete that I'm forgetting? Are there other players from these schools that I've overlooked?

Oh JR

11 threes...

that's some Hot Shit.

Shit

My computer has gone from only working when plugged in and jammed into the floor in an awkward position to not working at all. Posts will be spare until I can get it working again. All apologies to our Finalists, who deserve better for their championship match-up.

Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Dwight Howard, One Down...

.500 - .750 - 0 - 21 - 23 - 5 - 3 - 4

I'd also like to note that Thursday night's Hot Shit JR Smith dropped another 7 threes last night, bringing his two-game total to 15!

Loose Stool: Wilson Chandler, Montazuma

.286 - N/A - 0 - 4 - 5 - 0 - 0 - 0

Upper Decker: Caron Butler, Fear the Turtle

.625 - .714 - 2 - 27 - 2 - 3 - 2 - 0

League MBPs

There are probably thousands of fantasy basketball league commissioner/bloggers out there, and probably hundreds of them name the MVPs for each team at the end of the season. But only here on the Faculty of Letters will you see the league MBPs, which is to say the Most Black Prezodential players for each team in Cluj. With my season basically over, and with several long-time Black Prezodents recently disappointing me (I'm looking at you, B-Diddy and Rasheed), it's time to evaluate who of this year's non-Black Prezodents are the best candidates for next year's squad.
For those of you who enjoy drafting spitefully (Beb), I recommend you bookmark and save this document in anticipation of crushing my soul during next year's draft.

Monta's Revenge aka Browless Wonders
Featuring a panoply of players I hate (Charlie Villanueva, Luis Scola, Jamal Crawford, Jeff Foster), it's not easy finding a Black Prezodent amidst this collection of suckers and lame-o's. But one man stands out as a BP-type player, and in fact was on my roster last season. He's a potent scorer off the bench, he wears a headband, and his nickname is also his initials. For all this and more, the Browless Wonders' MBP is Jason Terry.

Fear the Turtle
True to their name and home base, Dev's squad is full of DMV (District/Maryland/Virginia) representatives: Bodymore Murdaland's Carmelo Anthony, former Terp Chris Wilcox, and Tuff Juice Wizard Caron Butler. Any of these might make a fine Black Prezodent, but the team MBP hails from further south, and thanks to some quality artwork by the fine people at Free Darko, is also the desktop to my computer. I give you the rare team MBP who is also team MVP, Joe Johnson.

Professor Dribbles
I love me some Kobe. As I've mentioned several times here before, I find him to be a Lex Luthor/Joker-like character, a criminal mastermind who is more interesting due to his evil genius than boring superheroes like LeBron or Dwight Howard. And yet, Kobe is maybe too iconic to be a true Black Prezodent. And while his thinly-disguised malevolence makes him a fascinating character, he is probably not suited to occupy the BP Oval Office. Similarly, I would have named Derrick Rose a first-ballot Black Prezodent after his season in Memphis last year, but a year in Chicago red has largely turned me against him. Trevor Ariza was my boy until his brutal foul on Rudy Fernandez a few weeks ago and subsequent lack of remorse. So is there anyone amongst the Dribblers that qualifies as an MBP? I see only one player whose game is high-flying, bad-ass, and yet ultimately useless enough to render him a Black Prezodent: Tyson Chandler.

Snap Jelly Soldiers
This is a pretty easy one (at least for me and those that know my basketball fandom well, which is to say anyone reading this), so I'll take a minute first to acknowledge that OJ Mayo, on another team, would probably be a solid candidate for the Black Prezodency. If you've ever heard the story of how he ended up at USC--essentially eschewing the recruiting process by calling Tim Floyd one day, unprompted, and telling him he was coming--you know the attitude of a potential BP (as long as you can back that swagger up). But the true MBP of this team would probably never do anything like this. Instead, he'll sacrifice his body (and brain) for a wild block attempt or out-of-bounds salvage, and is soulful enough to miss half a dozen games when there's a death in the family, even though he'd return from a punctured lung(!) after just a few weeks. Of course it's the man known as "Crash," Gerald Wallace.

Dominique Moceanu
When I started this blog, I did a semi-regular segment known as "This Week in Black Prezodential History," in which I identified old-school players who fit the BP ethos. I retired the segment before completing the chronology, but the idea was always going to be for the first Black Prezodent to be an old favorite of mine, James Worthy. Why do I mention this now? Because rumor has it that, coming back from his detached retina surgery, Amare' Stoudemire is going to start sporting rec-specs. And when he does, don't you think he'll look just like this?:

One Down... One to Go
My fantasy squad last year featured Josh Howard, and as a remarkably candid and admitted pot-smoker, he certainly would be welcome to one of the Black Prezodent's post-game parties. But in a way his game is a bit too understated and traditional to truly be Prezodential. No, the One Down player whose physical freakishness, cool nickname (J-Smooth), and tendency to disappear for games at a time only to break out in a 5-minute spurt of brilliance most meets the Black Prez standard of dopeness is undoubtedly Josh Smith.

Black Ice
Hakim Warrick. I don't really have any idea why. He's not particularly good. And I don't know enough of his personality to know if he's cool. But for some reason, every time I looked at Reeves' roster this season, I thought to myself, "If I thought Reeves would respond to a trade offer within three months, I'd try to get Hakim Warrick.

Kill Whitey
Oh boy. Kill Whitey is my sworn enemy, and although the Black Prezodents are not entirely dedicated to having all-black players, there aren't many whiteys around who fit in to our little family. The only non-afro player to join the squad this year (Rudy Fernandez) did not do so until a week ago, and he had the threefold benefits of being a) a Blazer, b) swag-tastic, and c) a swarthy Spaniard. By that logic, only one of these honkies could survive in a mostly dark-skinned, big-dicked BP locker room. He plays for a team I like to root for; he's not exactly swaggy, but he does have the snooty scruffiness of a Brooklyn hipster; and he is, again, a swarthy Spaniard: Pau Gasol. (Pow!)

Great Oden's Raven
We all remember the little tantrum I threw back in October when Beb drafted Greg Oden ahead of me. And indeed, Oden would be the leading MBP on almost any team in the league. He's also, on a personal level, probably one of the players I'd most like to have. But the Black Prezodents aren't just about me: they're about a concept that goes far beyond me. A belief that arises from the Black Prezodent in each of us. And the player who most epitomizes that belief is not, in fact, Greg Oden. As (I think) Will said recently: "How is Stephen Jackson not a Black Prezodent?" How, indeed?

Working's fo Suckers
Part of Oden's appeal, aside from being a lumbering 7-footer, a humorous blogger, and a middle-aged man masquerading as a 20-year old, is that he's a Blazer. My love for Portland has been well-documented on this blog, but I'll take a moment now to explain again: while an inborn love for the home-town team is a force not to be fucked with, there's a magical force at work when you find a team that you have no specific connection to and yet find them to perfectly match your idea of "your team." And when that connection manages to last, as mine has from the Pippen-'Sheed-Sabonis days to the Roy-Aldridge-Oden days, there's something special there. And part of the joy of following a team like that is knowing the whole squad, not just the stars but the guys off the bench who make the team what they are. Such is the case with Working's fo Suckers MBP, a bench Blazer who is nevertheless a bad-ass. Many's the time I've watched him come off the bench to dominate the fourth quarter, and in post-game interviews he's revealed himself to be a cool, Southern dude whose laid-back demeanor belies his ability to pour on the offense when called upon to do so. His nickname is "Catfish," which is an especially appropriate one in this context because I actually had him on my roster for a brief spell back in the fall, and foolishly let him go. He is the one that got away: Travis Outlaw.

Screen Team
I've spent the past two paragraphs raving about Blazers' players, and then I come to the team with Brandon Roy and Lamarcus Aldridge. It'd be easy to pick either of these guys as an MBP, but in the interests of not going totally Blazer-centric, I'll focus my energies elsewhere. So is there another Screen Teamers with a badass game, who plays for a team I root for, with a bad-ass game? There sure is: Raymond Felton.

So there you have it: the Most Black Prezodential players from across the Cluj University league. How would a full roster of these players fill out? Let's take a look:
PG: Raymond Felton
SG: Joe Johnson
G: Jason Terry
SF: Stephen Jackson
PF: Gerald Wallace
F: Josh Smith
C: Pau Gasol
C: Amare' Stoudemire
U: Travis Outlaw
Bench: Tyson Chandler

Bench: Hakim Warrick
Not a bad squad, right? And all unimpeachably (get it?) cool. Here's hoping that that line-up vaguely resembles the 2009-2010 Black Prezodent roster.

Afternoon Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: Chris Paul, Browless Wonders
.571 - .875 - 4 - 43 - 4 - 9 - 3 - 0
LaMarcus Aldridge's 35 & 18 was a very close second.

Loose Stool: Udonis Haslem, Screen Team
.000 - 1.000 - 0 - 2 - 1 - 0 - 0 - 0
Yes, he had to leave the game with an injury, but that was late in the third quarter and he'd already played 22 minutes, 22 minutes of solidly loose stool basketball.

Upper Decker: Jamal Crawford, Browless Wonders
.524 - .929 - 4 - 39 - 4 - 5 - 1 - 0
Is the true "Monta's Revenge" taking up a starting spot while Crawford's Hot Shit-worthy night goes wasted on the bench?

Also: Will, please check my response to your comment in the last Morning Dump

Morning Dump

A quick daily look at last night's highs and lows.

Hot Shit: J.R. Smith, Black Prez
.571 - .667 - 8 - 28 - 2 - 7 - 0 - 1
Not the hottest Hot Shit ever, and maybe LeBron had a better overall night, but you gotta give it up to those 8 threes.

Loose Stool: Andrei Kirilenko, Kill Whitey
.100 - .750 - 1 -6 - 4 - 1 - 0 - 1

Upper Decker: Ramon Sessions, Black Ice
.500 - .857 - 0 - 18 - 5 - 10 - 4 - 0

Getting my feet wet again with this one. More substantive posts coming soon as the road to the Finals continues.