Charts & Figgers

Each Saturday brings high-level statistical analysis from a man who hasn't taken a math class since high school.

Last night I spent an exciting Friday night with my roommates sitting in front of the TV, watching "Step Up 2 the Streets," and keeping an eye on numbers turning red on my Stat-Tracker. As an owner, I get most psyched about the players who contribute in areas outside of their expected positional categories ('Sheed dropping 3's from the 5-spot, Rondo hoovering boards from the 1, etc.), so I was especially thrilled to see three of my guys hitting my fantasy ideal: the 8-category night. If a guy can get a three, a board, an assist, a steal, and a block all in one night as well as knocking down some free throws, I don't care if he only gets one of each, he's got a place on the Black Prezodents. I decided to look back through the last two weeks and see how often my guys had achieved the coveted 8-cat night, and then went through all your lousy teams to see how they'd done as well. It occurred to me at some point that the percentage categories could register without actually being beneficial (a 25% shooting night isn't helping anybody), so I decided to set a floor for those categories: 35% shooting and 70% free-throw shooting. That ended up eliminating one of my 8-catters from last night (damn your 50% from the line, K-Mart!), but made for a more legitimate reading of the true 8-cat night. The results, below:

(fg%--ft%--3pm--pts--reb--ast--stl--blk)

Black Prezodents: 3
Rasheed Wallace, 1/28
.563--.833--2--25--10--2--5--1
Danny Granger, 1/30
.353--1.000--2--19--5--4--2--2
Eric Gordon, 1/30
.474--.800--5--27--7--2--2--1

Browless Wonders: 2
Chris Paul, 1/26
.538--1.000--1--27--10--15--7--1
Charlie Villanueva, 1/30
.500--1.000--2--26--13--1--1--2

Professor Dribbles: 3
Boris Diaw, 1/23
.625--1.000--3--26--11--4--2--1
Kobe Bryant, 1/25
.471--1.000--2--22--4--3--1--1
Boris Diaw, 1/30
.429--1.000--2--16--5--5--1--2

Snap Jelly Soldiers: 3
Ben Gordon, 1/20
.545--.800--1--21--4--4--1--1
John Salmons, 1/28
.500--1.000-4--22-3--5--1--1
LeBron James, 1/30
.529--.833--2--25--7--6--3--1

Dominique Moceanu: 2
Kevin Martin, 1/27
.471--.882--4--35--7--7--4--1
Kevin Martin, 1/30
.421--.889--3--27--3--3--1--1

Fire Al Groh: 3
Al Thornton, 1/23
.464--1.000--2--34--5--1--1--3
Mo Williams, 1/24
.400--1.000--5--25--4--4--1--1
Vince Carter, 1/24
.600--1.000--3--23--7--5--4--1

Black Ice: 3
Jason Richardson, 1/25
.385--1.000--1--15--7--2--1--2
Ray Allen, 1/25
.692--1.000--4--23--5--7--1--1
Tracy McGrady, 1/28
.400--1.000--3--24--5--6--2--1

Kill Whitey: 1
Manu Ginobili, 1/20
.800--.857--4--26--8--3--2--1

Great Oden's Raven: 5
Rashard Lewis, 1/17
.667--.800--3--23--4--2--1--1
Randy Foye, 1/23
.368--.857--4--24--5--8--1--1
Chauncey Billups, 1/25
.385--.750--2--22--2--1--1--2
Chauncey Billups, 1/27
.533--1.000--4--29--4--3--4--2
Mehmet Okur, 1/27
.438--1.000--2--22--17--3--2--1

Working's fo Suckers: 1
Rudy Gay, 1/21:
.667--.714--1--26--4--1--1--2

Screen Team: 3
Kevin Durant, 1/18
.500--.889--3--31--6--5--1--1
Raymond Felton, 1/19
.364--1.000--2--13--2--9--3--1
Kevin Durant, 1/23
.435--.923--2--46--15--4--2--1

I had hoped to find some sort of statistical connection between 8-cat nights and team success, but with so many of us having three 8-catters over this time period (1/17-1/30), it seems all I can say is that these types of guys are scattered pretty well throughout the league. One thing we can say: If you don't have a good number of 8-cat nights, you probably suck (Dominique Moceanu, Working's fo Suckers), but having a decent number of 8-catters doesn't necessarily mean you don't suck (Black Ice).

Black Prezodential Caucus

League Pass allows even the scrubbiest of scrubs national exposure, and quite often there are diamonds in the rough. Each Friday, the Black Prezodential Caucus will convene to consider the candidacy of a possible new Black Prezodent. 

Whilst enjoying the Bobcats-Trail Blazers game on Wednesday, I witnessed a pretty sick alley-oop from Raymond Felton to Shannon Brown, a 2nd-year player out of Michigan State (maybe some of you college hoops-heads are aware of him). I had never heard of monsieur Brown, but when he threw down an even more monstrous dunk after flying under the basket a few moments later, I knew he was a potential Prezodential candidate. At 4.9 ppg and less than a rebound and assist average, he won't actually be gracing the BP roster anytime soon, but if he can ever get some serious minutes and serious stats, his style is surely Black Prez-worthy. Judge for yourself:

League Pass Power Rankings

In football, I'll always have the 'Skins. In baseball, I've got no choice but to support the Nats. College athletics are for suckers and lame-o's. But NBA fandom is much more fluid than any other sport. Every Thursday, I'll rank the top 5 teams I look forward to watching on League Pass, and why.

5. Washington Wizards

The Wiz-Kids are atrocious this year, and not even in a way that's entertaining. Whereas a lot of awful teams with young players are interesting to watch in an up-and-coming way (see:#3), I have never found Nick Young to be exciting in any way. Dominic McGuire is just a guy, and Andray Blatche should be the type of inconsistent young player who shows occasional flashes of athletic brilliance, but instead is the type of inconsistent young player who shows occasional flashes of basic, fundamental low-post basketball. Still, I cling to them as my hometown team, and 'Tawn's standard double-double is the most consistent contribution to the BP squad.

4. Boston Celtics

Actually, I hate the Celtics. Garnett's whole act is played (so... played); Pierce's hard-luck story is virtually the same as every other player in the Association, but with better publicity; Ray Allen manages to be personality-less in a game whose entertainment value (for me) is driven by personality; and Doc Rivers is just kind of retarded. So why do they make my top 15, much less my top 5? Because Rondo is to BP what Michael Turner was to Egon Spengler. I fucking love Rondo. And since the C's are defending champs, and since they talk so loud and so much, every team steps up to play them, which makes for some entertaining basketball.

3. Charlotte Bobcats

As my parents have moved further and further South, my athletic inclinations have followed, first with Eric Maynard and the VCU squad that rocked the tourney a few years ago, and now with the Bobcats. Gerald Wallace is a fucking badass. Raymond Felton is rad and a Tarheel (I have a UNC softness). DJ Augustin was briefly a Black Prez. Emeka Okafor has a huge forehead. Juwan Howard is on this squad! And getting minutes! I gotta get down to the Queen City and catch a game.

2. Denver Nuggets

Until I traded away Nene, BP featured three Nugs. Even though we're down to two (JR Smith and Kenyon Martin), the Nuggets are still the team whose hopes are most entwined with my own. I know I'm gonna get crazy scoring from Danny Granger. I know I'm gonna get some crazy-ass line out of Rondo. I know I'm gonna get a double-double (or close to it) from Jamison. But I never really know what I'm going to get from my Nuggets, thus tying my success to theirs. When they give me nights like they did Tuesday (K-Mart for 12 pts, 10 rebs, 4 asts, 5 stls, 3 blks; JR for 3 threes, 20 pts, 2 blks), they make my week.

1. Portland Trail Blazers

Not a single fantasy player on the roster, but these are my boys. My NBA love took flight back in the Grant/Pippen/Sabonis/'Sheed era, and after a long dark spell (Damon Stoudamire, Zach Randolph, ugh) they're back to being the sort of team I love. There isn't a player on this team I don't like. Even Stevie Blake.

This Week in Black Prezodential History

Every Wednesday, the Faculty educate you on the history of Black Prezodents in the league.

While the Commonwealth of Virginia has produced several American Presidents, and the Tidewater area has produced many fine athletes, only one Black Prezodent has emerged from Norfolk's Old Dominion University. With a storied career that carried him from Golden State to Miami to Dallas to New Jersey to Milwaukee to Orlando to Denver to Cleveland to Moscow(!), the man known as "The Energizer" spread his sweet, sweet inside game all across the nation like a modern Johnny Appleseed with slightly-better-than-average post footwork. Despite his journeyman status, this Black Prezodent managed to amass more than 7200 points and 3700 rebounds, and was recognized as an All-Star for the '97 Mavericks despite coming off the bench. His career field goal percentage was over .500, including a .603 season that remains among the best in history.

On a stylistic note, this week's Black Prez sparked a trend that would come to embody the Office for years to come: the headband. But few know that the Energizer's choice of headgear was less a matter of sartorial taste than it was an attempt to cover a huge scar that resulted from a childhood accident involving a soapy van. The synthetic plate embedded in his head never kept him from charging into the paint, however, and for that the Faculty salute...

Chris Gatling, our nation's 19th Black Prezodent.